Why Narcissists Love Wasting Your Time (It’s On Purpose)
Ever been stuck in a conversation that circles endlessly, like a GPS gone rogue? Or watched hours slip away waiting for someone to text back, only to get a single emoji three days later?
If this sounds familiar, you might be rubbing shoulders with a narcissist—someone who treats your time the way toddlers treat new shoes: with total disregard and maybe a bit of glee.
Ready to unravel why narcissists treat your calendar like an all-you-can-eat buffet? Here’s what’s really going on.
Control Is the Name of Their Game
Narcissists are world-class puppeteers. For them, life’s a stage, and everyone else is here to provide applause and adoration—on demand.
Wasting your time isn’t an accident. It’s a way of showing they’re in charge.
If they keep you waiting, get you running in circles, or stall every conversation about “where things are going,” it’s because they hold the stopwatch. Making you wait is their way of saying, “You move when I say so.”
You’re not imagining it. That dinner date that gets rescheduled six times? The vague texts that never go anywhere? That’s not just poor time management. That’s a silent power move.
Your Frustration Feeds Their Ego
Nothing spices up a narcissist’s day quite like watching other people squirm. Annoyed? Check. Off-balance? Even better.
When you’re left waiting, rescheduling, or rehashing conversations, you end up spending more mental energy on the narcissist.
Every time you check your phone, sigh at another missed call, or rewrite the same email for the fourth time, guess who’s on your mind? Exactly who they want.
It’s like getting stuck in a revolving door, only you’re the only one dizzy.
Chaos Keeps You Hooked
Predictability? Boring. Narcissists love to keep things messy. It’s another way to keep you guessing—and therefore, invested.
When every plan is subject to change, every conversation is riddled with “maybes,” and every interaction feels like you’re playing chess with someone who keeps moving the pieces, you’re too busy trying to find your footing to question the relationship itself.
The more confused you feel, the less likely you are to leave. And that’s exactly how they like it.
They’re Testing Your Boundaries
Will you wait around forever? Will you keep forgiving lateness, broken promises, or endless monologues about their boss who just doesn’t “get” their genius?
Narcissists are constantly pushing the limits to see what they can get away with. If you let things slide, that’s a green light for more of the same. Every minute you spend waiting is another inch of territory claimed.
Boundaries are like fences for your emotional garden. A narcissist’s favourite pastime? Climbing over them to see what’s worth picking.
Time Wasting Lets Them Avoid Real Intimacy
Deep, meaningful conversations? Vulnerable moments? Not in the narcissist’s playbook.
Dragging out arguments, going off on tangents, or “needing more time to think” is their way of dodging emotional depth. It’s much easier to waste time than to reveal any chinks in their shiny armor.
If it feels like every talk about feelings gets hijacked by a rant about their aunt’s neighbor’s dog, it’s not random. It’s self-preservation—served with a side of misdirection.
Your Time Feels Less Valuable Than Theirs
Ever notice how a narcissist’s time is always precious, but yours is on the clearance rack?
They’re late, cancel last-minute, or expect you to wait on their schedule, while simultaneously throwing a fit if you’re five minutes behind. In their world, there’s only one VIP—and spoiler, it’s not you.
This dynamic slowly chips away at your self-worth, making you think their needs come first. That belief is their secret ingredient for keeping you around.
Confusion Is Their Comfort Zone
A clear plan takes away their advantage. If you knew what to expect, you could make decisions for yourself—maybe even ones that don’t involve them.
By keeping things vague (and your calendar in shambles), narcissists ensure you’re always reaching out for clarity, reassurance, or just a little bit of their time. Each time you seek answers, they’re reminded of their power.
It’s a magic trick, really. Distract the audience long enough, and they won’t notice the rabbit’s missing.
Time Wasting Masks Their Lack of Substance
Let’s call it out: under all that bravado, narcissists often run out of real things to offer.
They love grandstanding and keeping up appearances, but when it comes to actual connection or follow-through, the well runs dry. Wasting time becomes a convenient way to cover for it.
If you’re always waiting for the next big gesture or apology, there’s less focus on the emptiness behind the curtain. All sizzle, no steak.
You’re Less Likely to Call Them Out
People who keep you in a constant state of “almost-there” exhaustion know you’re less likely to demand answers or enforce consequences.
Tired people don’t stage interventions. You’re too preoccupied trying to get them to engage at all. That’s a win in the narcissist’s book.
Ever tried negotiating bedtime with a toddler after a day at the zoo? Now imagine the toddler has a smartphone and a driver’s license.
How to Reclaim Your Time Without Losing Your Mind
You’re not powerless here. If you suspect you’re dealing with a time-wasting narcissist, there are practical steps you can take (and yes, you can start tonight).
Set boundaries early and stick to them. If they’re late, go ahead with your plans or reschedule on your terms. The world won’t end, but their ego might take a tiny hit.
Limit how much you explain yourself. You don’t owe an essay every time you change a plan or say “no.” Short, clear responses are your friend.
Notice when you fall into “waiting” patterns. If you’re checking your phone for their text or rearranging your life for a maybe, pause. Ask yourself if you’d do this for someone who genuinely valued your company.
Build up your own life. The fuller your calendar and the more you value your own pursuits, the less appealing it will feel to clear your schedule for someone who treats you like an afterthought.
Seek support. Friends, a therapist, or even a trusty group chat can help you recognize patterns and stick to your guns when the urge to give more time creeps in.
You Deserve Your Minutes Back
There’s a freedom in realizing that someone else’s bad manners, lack of planning, or manipulative games aren’t a reflection of your worth—they’re just habits you don’t have to accommodate.
Chances are, your time is more precious than you’ve been led to believe. Spend it with people who treat it (and you) like gold, not pocket change.
If you’ve been looped into a narcissist’s time-wasting routine, remember: you’re allowed to step out of the merry-go-round.
Curate your own calendar, set your own standards, and watch how quickly the right people show up on time. (And bonus: they’ll usually bring snacks.)
Life’s too short for endless waiting rooms—literal or emotional. Go claim your minutes back. You get to decide who’s worth your time.
