Why Narcissists Drag Out Divorces (It’s Not About Money)
Divorce from a narcissist can feel like starring in your own never-ending courtroom drama. The papers might be filed, the lawyers might be booked, yet the finish line keeps retreating like a mirage on a motorway.
Is it about the cash? Rarely. Narcissists prolong divorces for reasons far more tangled—and, let’s be honest, more personal—than simple greed.
Here’s what’s really going on when your ex turns the legal process into an Olympic sport of stall tactics, emotional games, and endless plot twists.
Control Is the Name of the Game
Narcissists thrive on control the way the rest of us thrive on chocolate or a decent WiFi connection.
When divorce papers come through, their grip on you begins to loosen—and that’s intolerable for someone who’s built their self-worth on dominance.
Dragging the divorce out lets them keep their hands on the steering wheel a little longer. It’s less about the marbles to be split and more about refusing to let you walk away on your own terms.
Every delay, every extra round of paperwork, becomes a little reminder: “I’m still running the show.”
The Art of Emotional Warfare
Narcissists don’t just want the last word—they want every word. Prolonging the divorce gives them more opportunities to draw you into arguments, blame games, or emotional manipulations.
Notice how emails ping in at midnight, always asking for “one more clarification”? Or those marathon mediation sessions that end up being more about your past failings than actual issues? That’s not an accident.
Keeping you emotionally raw gives them the upper hand.
It isn’t about money—it’s about making sure you never get to stride out of the courtroom with your dignity fully intact.
Image Management Is Everything
Appearances are a narcissist’s bread and butter. Getting divorced can feel like a public flop in their eyes, so they’ll drag things out to rewrite the script.
Maybe they want to paint you as “unreasonable” for wanting out. Perhaps they’re trying to milk sympathy from mutual friends or even the kids.
The longer the process, the more time there is to spin tales and rehearse the role of wronged spouse. Reputation isn’t just a concern—it’s an obsession.
Punishment Disguised as Process
A narcissist doesn’t always want you back. Sometimes, they just want you to suffer.
Dragging out a divorce is the perfect way to inflict punishment with plausible deniability. “I’m just making sure everything’s fair!” they protest, all wide-eyed innocence, while you lose sleep and rack up legal fees.
This is about making you pay, emotionally and sometimes financially, for daring to leave or challenge their authority.
Fuel for Their Ego
Nothing feeds a narcissist’s ego like conflict. If things are smooth, they feel irrelevant. If things are stormy, suddenly they’re at the centre of the drama, everyone’s attention glued to them.
A drawn-out divorce is a stage with endless scenes, each one starring them. Lawyers, friends, therapists—all become their audience. Even your frustration is a form of applause.
The money? A side effect. The real prize is being able to command the spotlight, no matter how toxic the performance.
Testing Your Limits
How far can you be pushed before you break? Narcissists are keen researchers when it comes to finding out.
Prolonging a divorce isn’t just about keeping the game alive; it’s about watching you squirm. Delay tactics, last-minute changes, and missed deadlines are all part of the experiment.
Stay calm and they might up the ante. Lose your cool and it’s proof (in their mind) that you’re the unstable one. Either way, the process gives them valuable data—and a bit of perverse satisfaction.
The Hope of Reconciliation (or Revenge)
Sometimes, narcissists drag things out because they’re convinced you’ll see the error of your ways and beg to reconcile.
Other times, they’re simply plotting their next move—maybe hoping to complicate your ability to move on or start a new relationship.
Dragging things out is a way to keep options open, whether that means rekindling things on their terms or making sure you don’t get your “happy ending” without a few hurdles.
The Kids Are Pawns, Not Partners
When children are involved, the stakes get even higher—and the games get nastier.
Narcissists might use custody as a bargaining chip, dragging things out to exert control or “win” a battle that isn’t actually about parenting at all. The aim isn’t cooperation. It’s leverage.
Prolonged court battles mean more opportunities to manipulate, guilt-trip, or alienate. Heartbreaking? Absolutely. Surprising? Sadly, not for those who know the script.
Wasting Your Time Is a Power Move
Time is currency, and narcissists are happy to spend yours. Every extra month you spend waiting for documents, court dates, or signatures is another month they’ve managed to keep you in their orbit.
The message: you don’t get to move on until they say so. Your patience, your plans, your new relationships—all held hostage to their schedule. For them, it’s another notch in the belt of control.
How to Keep Your Sanity (and Maybe Even Your Sense of Humour)
Spotting the pattern is step one. The next? Setting boundaries so rigid, they could double as a security fence.
Try communicating only through your lawyer or a trusted intermediary. Don’t rise to their provocations, no matter how tempting it is to fire off that all-caps text at 2am.
Think of your emotional energy like your mobile data: ration it carefully. Stay focused on the end goal, not on the drama they’re stirring up.
Document everything, keep your circle of support close, and remind yourself that you’re not the one who needs to win—the real victory is getting out, with your self-respect intact.
Why It Feels Personal—and Why That’s the Point
Dragging out a divorce isn’t about dollars and cents. It’s about making a statement: “You don’t get to leave me on your terms.” It feels personal because it is personal.
Narcissists are experts at tailoring their tactics to hit where it hurts. The drawn-out process is designed to sap your will, your energy, and—if they can manage it—your hope.
But like all expertly-crafted dramas, this one does have an ending. It just might take longer (and require more popcorn) than you’d expected.
Finding the Exit (Even When They Keep Moving the Door)
Divorcing a narcissist can be a crash course in patience, persistence, and the fine art of not losing your cool when everything around you is engineered to provoke.
Control, ego, and emotional warfare aren’t just bad habits—they’re strategies. Recognizing them is half the battle.
The rest? Protecting your boundaries, leaning on your support network, and focusing on the life (and peace) that’s waiting on the other side.
One day, those endless delays will be a story you tell at dinner parties. The villain might never stop acting out, but you get to leave the stage—applause optional.
