Is He a Narcissist? 15 Signs You’re Missing

Ever wonder if your partner might be a narcissist—or if he just really, really loves that mirror above the bathroom sink? Let’s cut through the drama (and the self-help jargon) and get specific.

Here are 15 signs, often overlooked, that can help you figure out if you’re dating someone who’s got more self-love than a spa influencer on Valentine’s Day.

1. Conversation Always Comes Back to Him

You might start recounting your day, only to end up listening to his epic saga about his parking spot heroics. A narcissist has a black belt in conversational judo—no matter where you start, you’ll end up on their favorite topic: themselves.

2. He Subtly Undermines Your Achievements

Get a work promotion? He’ll remind you how stressful management can be—then tell you about his own (imaginary) CEO skills.

Narcissists can’t handle someone else in the spotlight. If your wins magically shrink when he’s around, take note.

3. His Apologies Are Bizarrely Self-Centered

Ever received an apology that somehow made you feel you owed him something? “Sorry you’re upset I forgot your birthday, but you know how busy I am being amazing.”

That’s not an apology. That’s a masterclass in missing the point.

4. Gift-Giving Feels Like a Transaction

Sure, gift exchanges are fun. But with a narcissist, every present is a subtle IOU.

Prepare for a future guilt trip: “Remember that necklace I got you? Well, now you really should come to my friend’s improv show.” Run while you still can.

5. He Disappears When You Need Him (But Loiters When You Don’t)

Sick with the flu? He ghosts. New outfit or Instagram post? He’s hovering for compliments.

When support is required, he’s suddenly busier than a barista on Monday morning—unless there’s something in it for him.

6. Jealousy Shows Up in the Strangest Places

Any attention you give a pet, a plant, or your own mother, somehow becomes a threat.

He’s toast if he has to compete with your dog for affection. It’s all about his place in your universe—everyone else is just taking up valuable space.

7. He Loves, Then Loathes—With Whiplash Speed

One minute, you’re the best thing since sliced bread. The next, you’re a regrettable gluten allergy.

Narcissists idealize, then devalue. If you’re riding that emotional rollercoaster, maybe start looking for the emergency brake.

8. Boundaries Are Optional (For Him)

He’ll scroll your texts, walk in on you mid-shower, or “accidentally” show up at your girls’ night. Your boundaries are more like gentle suggestions to a narcissist—ones he’s free to ignore, because rules are for other people.

9. Empathy Is…Missing in Action

When you’re upset, does he comfort you, or does he start an impromptu TED talk on how your emotions are “overreactions”? If emotional support feels as rare as a unicorn frappuccino, you might have a narcissist on your hands.

10. He’s Weirdly Fixated on Appearances

Not just his own (though, yes, that), but also yours. He might criticize your clothes, weight, job, or even your pet’s haircut. It’s all about appearances—his, and by extension, yours. Because your “brand” reflects on him, apparently.

11. He Has a Rolodex of Exes—And They’re All “Crazy”

Every ex? Wild, irrational, “toxic.” Funny how he’s the only common factor. If every relationship story paints him as the long-suffering hero, chances are, you’re not getting the full picture.

12. He Collects Admirers Like Pokémon

It isn’t enough to have your affection—he soaks up attention from friends, colleagues, your cousin visiting from Belgium. Flirting is his second language.

If his phone’s always buzzing but he claims “it’s just work stuff,” you may want to question his definition of “networking.”

13. Rules Apply to Everyone But Him

He’ll call you out for being five minutes late, but he’s on “narcissist time,” which is a whole different timezone. Accountability? That’s for mere mortals.

Watch for double standards; narcissists hand them out like cheap mints.

14. He Can’t Stand Criticism—Even the Soft Kind

Try suggesting a new restaurant and he acts like you insulted his entire family tree. Narcissists react to feedback the way cats react to vacuum cleaners: with horror and immediate escape.

15. Gaslighting Is His Unofficial Hobby

Ever found yourself doubting your memory after a minor disagreement? “I never said that.” “You’re being dramatic.”

Gaslighting isn’t always big, bold lies; sometimes it’s just a steady drip that leaves you wondering if you did, in fact, misplace reality.

What To Do If the Signs Are Stacking Up

Finding several of these red flags in your relationship? Take a breath.

This doesn’t mean you need to hurl his stuff out the window by sunset, but it does mean your concerns are valid. Narcissism isn’t just an ego issue—it can be seriously hurtful, undermining your confidence and peace of mind.

Here’s the thing: it’s not your job to “fix” a narcissist. That’s a full-time position with terrible benefits.

What you can do is start setting boundaries, practice self-care like it’s your Olympic sport, and reach out for support—from friends, a therapist, or your friendly neighborhood advice columnist (hint, hint).

If you find yourself minimizing your needs, questioning your reality, or feeling perpetually less-than, that’s your cue to prioritize yourself.

Healthy love lifts you up. It doesn’t keep you off balance, guessing which version of your partner will show up for dinner.

Trust yourself. These signs aren’t just “quirks.” They’re warning signals.

And your happiness is absolutely worth listening to them.