How to Stay Safe from a Narcissist Ex

Splitting up with a narcissist is like trying to get gum out of your hair: messy, painful, and somehow, you’re still finding bits of it weeks later. If you’ve managed to escape the gravitational pull of a narcissistic ex, congratulations—seriously.

That’s no small feat. But while the relationship might be over, keeping yourself safe when the narcissist keeps popping up (in your inbox, at your workplace, or weirdly, in line at your favorite coffee shop) takes a whole different skillset.

Staying out of their orbit isn’t just about blocking them on socials and vowing never to listen to their favorite band again. Narcissists have a notorious knack for finding new ways to worm back in.

Here’s how to keep your sanity—and your safety—intact.

Make Your Boundaries Ironclad

Boundaries are basically kryptonite for narcissists. These are people who see barriers not as firm “No Trespassing” signs, but as polite suggestions. The trick? Leave no wiggle room.

Clear, direct limits work best.

“Please do not contact me unless it’s about the kids’ medical emergencies,” lands a lot harder than, “Maybe we could just not talk as much?” (Don’t threaten them with a ‘maybe.’ A narcissist will treat that like an invitation.)

Enforce your boundaries the same way a nightclub bouncer enforces the guest list on a Saturday night: no exceptions, no explanations.

Cut Off Contact Wherever Possible

Blocking numbers, emails, social media—go full digital ghost if you can.

If going no-contact is impossible (kids, shared pets, work connections, because life is cruel), keep all communication to the absolute minimum. Picture yourself as a robot: factual, brief, and absolutely not interested in discussing old times.

Family and mutual friends may need a heads-up too. Narcissists love to use the “flying monkeys” approach, enlisting others to sneakily pass messages or fish for info.

Preempt this with a polite but firm “I won’t be discussing the breakup further.”

Document Everything Like You’re Building a Legal Thriller

Narcissists thrive on gaslighting. Suddenly you’re doubting if events even happened the way you remember them. Save yourself the headache and keep records.

Text messages, emails, even in-person exchanges (summarized in a notebook afterward)—save it all. If things escalate, this trail can be crucial, especially if police or courts ever get involved.

This isn’t tinfoil-hat paranoia. It’s covering your butt. If nothing else, it’ll help you keep your own story straight when the narcissist inevitably tries to remix the narrative.

Lock Down Your Privacy

There’s nothing like a breakup with a narcissist to make you realize just how many crumbs of personal info you leave everywhere. Get a little paranoid.

Change your passwords—yes, even the Netflix one. Update your security questions. If they ever had access to your devices or accounts, do a sweep for any “helpful” apps or trackers.

Social media settings should be as private as a secret biscuit stash. Don’t post your whereabouts or plans. You never know when a “random” encounter is anything but.

Anticipate the Hoovering

Ah, the hoover. Named after the vacuum, because narcissists cannot resist sucking you back in. This could be as dramatic as a late-night confession of undying love, or as subtle as a “Hey, hope you’re well!” text sent at 2 a.m.

Prepare for these attempts. Don’t engage. Don’t respond. Don’t even hit them with a “new phone, who dis?” No contact means none.

Every reply, no matter how sarcastic, is a thread they’ll try to pull.

Feeling tempted? Keep a screenshot folder of their past greatest hits. Shocking how quickly your nostalgia will evaporate.

Stick With Facts, Not Feelings

If you’re forced to communicate (for example: arranging kid drop-offs), keep things strictly business. No reminiscing, no fighting, no “but why did you do this to me?”

It’s like dealing with a vending machine: press the right buttons, get what you need, move on.

Narcissists feed off emotion—any emotion. Gray rock is your friend here: dull, calm, and entirely uninterested.

Build Your Own Support Squad

No one should have to fend off a narcissist solo. Let trusted friends or family know what’s up.

Not because you need a pity party, but because you’ll need people to check in, remind you you’re not imagining things, and stop you from sending that one text you’ll regret.

Support groups, therapists, or even online forums can be a godsend. There’s something powerful about hearing someone else say that yes, that behavior is bonkers.

Prepare for the Smear Campaign

Narcissists hate losing control, so don’t be shocked if your ex starts painting you as the villain to anyone who’ll listen. It’s not personal, it’s just page one in their playbook.

Resist the urge to fight fire with fire. Countering every rumor will only drag you back into the drama. Stick to your lane and let your actions speak for themselves.

Anyone worth keeping in your life will see through the nonsense soon enough. Anyone who doesn’t? Probably not your people anyway.

Stay Physically Safe

Emotional games are their specialty, but narcissists can become unpredictable, especially if their ego feels threatened. If you ever feel physically unsafe, take it seriously.

Share your concerns with friends or family. Keep your phone charged and accessible. Trust your gut.

If necessary, involve law enforcement or seek legal advice about restraining orders.

Paranoia might be a bad look most days, but here, it could be a lifesaver.

Keep Your Cool in Shared Spaces

Work, school events, the same gym class—sometimes avoiding your narcissist ex just isn’t an option. The goal here: act unbothered, keep interactions public and brief, and avoid being lured into private conversations.

If they start causing a scene, remove yourself if you can. Drawing attention is usually the point, and your best move is not giving them the satisfaction. Think of it as emotional aikido: sidestep, don’t engage, move along.

Stop Looking for Closure

Here’s the bitter pill: narcissists don’t do closure.

Oh, they’ll promise it, dangle it, pretend to offer it—anything to keep you invested. But actual accountability? Sincere apologies? That’s not in their skillset.

Closure comes from you, not from their big, dramatic monologue.

Accept there may be loose ends. Tie up what you can, and let the rest go. Rip up that speech you rehearsed in the shower—you won’t need it.

Focus on Your Healing

A safe distance is a great start, but healing from a narcissist relationship is a whole campaign. Your confidence, trust, and self-esteem probably took some serious hits.

Time to treat yourself with the compassion and patience you gave them (and then some).

Therapy helps. So does reconnecting with friends, hobbies, and the bits of your identity you put on ice during the relationship. You’re not “too much” or “too sensitive”—you’re just recovering from someone who couldn’t handle your shine.

When Kids Are Involved

Co-parenting with a narcissist is not for the faint of heart. Communicate only about the kids, keep it in writing, and document everything.

If handoffs are tense, consider public places or involve a neutral third party.

Kids may get caught in the crossfire of manipulation. Be the stable, loving anchor they need. If things get legal, your record-keeping will be your best friend.

Your Peace Is Worth Protecting

Staying safe from a narcissist ex takes more than locking your doors and changing your passwords. It’s an ongoing act of self-preservation—and self-respect.

You’ve already done the hardest part: getting out. Safeguarding your peace, sanity, and maybe even your snack drawer is the name of the game now.

Keep those boundaries as non-negotiable as your morning coffee. You deserve nothing less.