How Narcissist Men Fake Friendships

Ever marvelled at someone who manages to collect “friends” like some people collect novelty mugs, but none of those friendships seem… real?

If you’ve spotted a narcissistic man charming his way through social circles, shaking hands, and never actually having anyone’s back, you’re not alone.

Narcissists approach friendship as a performance, not a partnership—and the script is all about them.

Pull up a chair. It’s time to eavesdrop on the playbook.

The Friendship Is a Mirror

Narcissists don’t see friends as people; they see them as reflections of their own dazzling (alleged) brilliance.

Friendship, for them, isn’t about camaraderie or inside jokes after a few pints. It’s about curating an entourage to reinforce their greatness.

If you’re smart, successful, attractive, or have a trophy spouse, you’re in. Bonus points if your presence makes the narcissist look extra impressive. Awkwardly silent at parties? As long as you’re standing next to him, you’re doing your bit.

Just don’t expect him to know your birthday—or care, unless it’s a chance for him to outdo everyone else with a “meaningful” Instagram post.

“What Can You Do for Me?” Syndrome

Every interaction comes with a calculation worthy of Wall Street. Narcissists operate on a transactional basis: If you can help them get ahead, they’re suddenly your best mate.

Need support with your own struggles? Sorry, mate, they’ve just remembered a very important email.

The minute your usefulness wanes, or—heaven forbid—you need something from him, he’ll vanish faster than leftover cake at an office party. Or worse, he’ll play the victim, insisting you’re the selfish one for asking.

The Flattery Feedback Loop

Most people like a bit of positive reinforcement. Narcissists need a constant supply, like a needy plant soaking up sun. Friendships are opportunities for endless admiration—ideally delivered in public, and with hashtags.

Compliments flow one way. Criticism, even of the gentle variety, is greeted with wounded disbelief or outright rage.

“You’re just jealous,” he’ll mutter, convinced you’re out to sabotage his success because you dared to suggest his motivational quote wall is a bit much.

If you find yourself tiptoeing around, forever cheering him on but getting little in return, congratulations, you’ve been cast in the supporting role for his one-man show.

The Disappearing Act When You Need Him

Crisis tests the mettle of real friendships. Stomach bug? Breakup? Lost your job? True friends show up with soup, memes, or at least a meme about soup.

Narcissists, on the other hand, are suddenly “crazy busy.” Funny how there’s always time for them when they want to share their news, but never time for you when you need anything.

Try bringing up your own problems. He’ll listen for about five seconds before pivoting to how your misfortune reminds him of “that time he overcame adversity” (which, coincidentally, is the exact same story he told last time).

The message: Your pain is only relevant if it can be used to highlight his resilience.

The Smear Campaign When Things Go South

Argue with a narcissist, or question his behaviour, and you’ll quickly learn that friendship loyalty is a one-way street with a dead end.

Instead of hashing out differences, he’ll recruit mutual friends into a campaign of character assassination that would impress any political strategist.

Expect subtle shade (“I just worry about her mental health, mate, she’s so negative these days…”) or outright lies, just to make sure he comes out of every falling-out smelling of roses—or at least, less like a compost heap than you do.

It’s not about resolving the conflict; it’s about winning the popularity contest.

The Photo Op Friend

Nothing says “we’re best mates” like a carefully curated social feed. Narcissist men love being photographed at gatherings, with arms slung around every Tom, Dick, and Harry (and let’s not forget the “BFF” selfie).

But try meeting up one-on-one, or suggest an activity that doesn’t involve an audience, and suddenly he’s “swamped.”

Friendship, for the narcissist, is about optics. The photos prove he’s beloved, connected, and the life of the party. But take away the camera, and the friendship is about as deep as an influencer’s product endorsement.

Borrowing Personality Traits

Ever notice how his interests, hobbies, and even slang seem to change depending on who he’s with? That’s not personal growth—it’s a masterclass in imitation.

Narcissist men will adopt your favorite band, quote your jokes, and pick up your mannerisms, all in the name of winning affection and appearing relatable.

It’s not flattery; it’s pilfering. Hanging out with a foodie? Suddenly he’s spouting truffle facts. Spend time with a bookworm? He’ll be “reading” Anna Karenina (or at least referencing the Wikipedia summary).

Anything to blend in and keep the attention rolling in.

Turning Friendship Into a Competition

Healthy friendships are about lifting each other up, not keeping score. Narcissist men, though, can turn even a pub quiz into the Olympics. Share your achievements, and he’ll one-up you before the ink’s dry on your diploma.

Feeling proud of a new job? He’ll immediately remind you of the time he got promoted—twice. Met a celebrity? He’ll claim he’s best friends with their hairdresser.

If you suggest he’s being competitive, he’ll brush it off as “banter.” But you’ll feel the sting.

Withholding Real Intimacy

Surface-level banter? Loves it. Genuinely opening up? Not a chance.

Narcissist men are allergic to vulnerability. They’ll ask about your family only if it buys them social points, and their own life stories are sanitized for maximum admiration.

If you risk sharing your struggles or secrets, don’t expect empathy. More likely, he’ll use that information for leverage—or as gossip fodder if things ever go pear-shaped.

Emotional support is a one-way tap: always on when he needs it, always off when you do.

Gaslighting and Blame-Shifting

Ever leave a conversation with one of these chaps feeling like you’ve stepped into an alternate universe? Narcissists excel at rewriting history to suit their narrative.

Confront them about a slight, and suddenly, you’re the one in the wrong—for being “too sensitive” or “misinterpreting” their harmless banter.

Bring up a boundary, and you’ll get a crash course in guilt-tripping: “I guess I’m just a terrible friend, then.” It’s classic gaslighting, engineered to keep you second-guessing your own reality and apologizing for their mistakes.

What Real Friendship Looks Like Instead

Nobody’s perfect, but true friends offer more than snazzy group selfies and borrowed catchphrases. Real mates listen, show up, and stick around even when the chips are down (or when there’s no social media post to be made).

If your “friendship” with a narcissist feels transactional, exhausting, or like a never-ending audition for their approval, it’s not you—it’s them.

Healthy friendships are built on respect, reciprocity, and genuine care, not on applause and competition.

Breaking the Cycle

Spotting the signs is the first step; the next is reclaiming your time and emotional bandwidth. Boundaries are your secret weapon.

Say no to being a background character in someone else’s story. Invest in friendships where your voice is heard, your needs matter, and nobody’s keeping a tally.

Ditch the performance and opt for the real thing. Your future self (and your group chat) will thank you.