5 Psychology Tricks That Work Against Narcissists

Living with, loving, or working for a narcissist can sometimes feel like wrangling a cat in a hurricane—frustrating, confusing, and occasionally, just a bit ridiculous.

If your life features someone who makes every conversation about themselves, can’t take criticism, and seems to twist reality more than a pretzel at Oktoberfest, you’re overdue for some solid tactics.

Here are five psychology-backed tricks to help you shift the power—without losing your sanity (or your sense of humor).

1. Master the Art of the Bland Response

Narcissists thrive on drama. Attention—good, bad, or ugly—is their oxygen. So, what happens when you cut off the supply? Suddenly, you’re less interesting than a soggy Weetabix.

Grey rocking is the name of this particular game. Imagine yourself as the emotional equivalent of a pile of pebbles: unremarkable, unruffled, and—most importantly—unenticing.

When the narcissist in your life launches into another monologue about their heroic deeds at the office or dramatic tales of betrayal, respond with a polite but monotone “Oh. Wow. That’s interesting.” Add a neutral facial expression just for flair.

Eventually, your lack of emotional response takes the fun out of baiting you. Think of it as emotional pest control: less drama, more peace.

2. Set Boundaries Like a Pro (and Stick to Them)

You’d think boundaries were like garlic to a vampire the way narcissists recoil. They might push, prod, and attempt to guilt-trip you into moving your line in the sand.

Here’s the trick: set the boundary, and treat it like it’s superglued to the floor.

Be concrete and concise. “I’m not going to discuss this topic anymore,” or “I need some time alone right now,” works wonders.

Expect a pushback, maybe even a mini Oscar-worthy performance. That’s all part of the show.

Resist the urge to over-explain. The longer you talk, the more material they have to twist. Short, sweet, and consistent is the motto.

Over time, your reliability may earn their grudging respect—or at least, they’ll learn you’re not to be trifled with.

3. Use Strategic Compliments to Your Advantage

Here’s where things get interesting. Narcissists feast on praise the way most of us inhale pizza. You can tap into this without stroking their ego to dangerous proportions.

Offer sincere compliments—just make them strategic. For example, if you want collaboration at work, try “You’re really good at brainstorming ideas with the team.”

This type of flattery aligns their self-image with positive, cooperative behavior. If you’re aiming for a peaceful weekend, perhaps: “You really know how to plan relaxing days.”

Subtle, right? You’re nudging them toward more collaborative or considerate actions by affirming those qualities—whether or not they’re actually present.

If you feel cheeky, think of it as emotional judo, using their weight against them (with a smile).

4. Stick to the Facts During Conflicts

Arguments with narcissists can feel like navigating a maze blindfolded. Suddenly, you’re lost in tangents, emotional manipulation, and revisionist history.

The fix? Stay factual and emotionally neutral. No matter how wild the accusations, calmly state what actually happened.

“You said you’d be home by seven, and now it’s eight. I was worried.” No accusations, no drama, just the facts.

If they attempt to gaslight you—convince you that your memory is foggier than a London morning—don’t take the bait. Repeat your original statement. “My memory is clear on this.”

If they escalate, go back to your grey rock routine.

Emotions are what narcissists weaponize. When you keep things factual and steady, you become a much less appealing sparring partner.

5. Reclaim Your Autonomy, One Choice at a Time

Narcissists love control. Decisions, opinions, even what’s for dinner—somehow, it’s all about them. It’s time to take back the wheel, even if it’s in small ways.

Start with personal choices that don’t require their agreement.

Pick the restaurant. Choose the Netflix show. Set your schedule. These tiny acts of independence chip away at the unspoken power imbalance.

When bigger decisions come up, express your preferences clearly and calmly. No need to seek approval for every little thing—your voice has value, and it deserves a spotlight.

As you practice making choices for yourself, you’re sending a clear message: you are not an extra in the movie of their life. You have your own script, and you’re not afraid to use it.

Sometimes, the Best Defense is Self-Care

Holding your own against a narcissist isn’t easy. Boundaries, bland responses, and all the clever psychology in the world can help—but your well-being is the real priority.

Surround yourself with allies who remind you what healthy relationships look like. Take time for hobbies that have nothing to do with their approval.

Practice saying “no” without guilt, and remember that your feelings are valid, even when someone acts like they’re not.

There’s no medal for surviving emotional warfare, but there is something much better: peace of mind, self-respect, and freedom from the drama. And isn’t that worth more than the world’s flakiest croissant?

You’ve got more power than you think. Use these tricks, keep your wits about you, and hold onto your sense of humor. The narcissist might not change—but you can change the game.