How Narcissists React to Compliments (It’s Weird)

Narcissists and compliments: a duo as awkward as socks with sandals. If you’ve ever praised a narcissist and ended up feeling like you’d just handed a Fabergé egg to a toddler, you’re not alone.

Their response is never quite what you’d expect—sometimes confusing, sometimes cringeworthy, and almost always leaving you wondering, “Wait, did I just do something wrong?”

Let’s unravel why it’s so strange, what those reactions really mean, and how you can keep your sanity intact.

Compliments Aren’t Just Compliments to a Narcissist

To most folks, a compliment is a small gift—“Nice shirt!” or “Your presentation rocked!” Harmless, right?

But for narcissists, compliments are more like Monopoly money: valuable only if it props up their self-image or can be traded for something else.

Narcissism isn’t just about loving the mirror. It’s about a fragile sense of self, powered by outside validation. When you toss a compliment their way, you’re essentially tossing a match onto tinder.

The fire can warm you, or burn your eyebrows off, depending on the mood.

The Instant Ego Inflation

Offer a narcissist a compliment, and you might get an over-the-top display in return. We’re talking chest-puffing, chin-raising, or a humblebrag that’s neither humble nor, frankly, much of a brag.

Why so dramatic? For a narcissist, your praise is confirmation that the universe has finally caught up with their own high opinion of themselves.

Some might even act like you’re Captain Obvious for having noticed their brilliance. Oh, you like their idea? Clearly, you have excellent taste.

If you’re hoping for bashful gratitude, prepare for disappointment. You’re far more likely to get a self-congratulatory speech or a look that says, “Took you long enough.”

Dismissal Disguised as Modesty

Surprisingly, not all narcissists eat up praise with a spoon. Some swat it away, insisting, “It was nothing,” or “Anyone could do it.” Don’t be fooled—this isn’t humility. It’s a power play.

By brushing off your compliment, they keep you chasing. Maybe next time you’ll heap it on even thicker. Or perhaps you’ll try harder to impress them.

Either way, they’re setting the stage: they’re above needing your approval. (But secretly, they’re filing it away for later ego snacks.)

Fishing for More

Ever notice how some people can’t just accept a compliment and move on? With narcissists, this can become an Olympic sport.

A simple “Nice job!” is met with, “Really? You think so? What exactly did you like?”

This isn’t genuine curiosity. They’re trawling for more validation, eager to hear every detail of their awesomeness. The trickle of praise you offered wasn’t enough—they’re after a gushing river.

You might find yourself listing every impressive thing they did, just to satisfy them. Spoiler: it’s never quite enough. The thirst is real, and rarely quenched.

One-Upmanship in Response

Compliments can trigger a competitive streak in the narcissist. Praise them for something, and suddenly you’re treated to an unsolicited résumé of greater triumphs.

“You think I’m good at this? You should have seen me at last year’s conference—I got a standing ovation.” Or, “Thanks, but did you know I also speak fluent French and climbed Kilimanjaro?”

The subtext: Your compliment is appreciated, but really, you have no idea how impressive they truly are. It’s a weird flex, but classic narcissist behavior.

Suspicion and Paranoia

Here’s where things go from odd to awkward. Some narcissists get cagey when complimented, eyeing you like you’ve just offered them a mystery meat sandwich. Why the suspicion?

Narcissists are skilled at manipulation, so they assume everyone else has an agenda, too. Praise can be interpreted as a setup, flattery for gain, or even sarcasm.

You might find yourself defending your sincerity, which is as much fun as explaining a joke that bombs at a party.

Diminishing You in the Process

Occasionally, a narcissist responds to a compliment by flipping the script and making you feel small. Maybe you say, “You handled that meeting so well,” and they reply, “Well, not everyone’s cut out for leadership.” Ouch.

This subtle one-two punch allows them to accept your praise while establishing superiority. If you walk away feeling a bit rubbish about yourself, mission accomplished—from their perspective.

Public Display or Private Dismissal

Some narcissists are all about the audience. Compliments given in public? They lap those up like a cat with cream.

The bigger the crowd, the bigger the reaction—sometimes bordering on theatrical.

In private, though, the same compliment might get a grunt or a bored “Thanks.” The difference boils down to witnesses.

Public praise feeds their status. Private praise? That’s just for you, and that’s not nearly as fun.

Deflection to Avoid Vulnerability

Accepting a compliment means acknowledging a moment of vulnerability—you did something well, and someone noticed. For narcissists, vulnerability is a no-go zone.

To sidestep it, they might change the subject, tell a joke, or immediately point out a flaw in what you complimented. “That was a great speech!” gets, “The mic was terrible, and the lights were all wrong.”

The aim is to keep control, never letting anyone see beneath the shiny exterior.

The Mirror Effect: Compliment Ping-Pong

Every now and then, narcissists flip the compliment back at you with an intensity that feels less like kindness, more like a weird tennis match.

“You’re amazing at this,” you say.

“No, YOU’RE amazing,” they shoot back, maybe a bit too forcefully.

It’s not genuine reciprocity—it’s a tactic to regain control of the interaction. If they’re praising you, they’re steering the ship.

Sometimes it’s charming, sometimes it’s just confusing.

Why It Feels So Strange

Your gut instinct is right: these reactions are weird, because the rules of normal social interaction don’t apply.

Compliments, for narcissists, aren’t about connection—they’re about control, validation, status, or all three at once.

They can’t simply take a compliment the way most people do, because there’s always a calculation behind the response. Sincerity gets lost in the shuffle, and genuine gratitude is about as rare as a polite honk in rush hour traffic.

How You Can Keep Your Balance

Finding yourself flustered after a compliment exchange with a narcissist? You’re not alone. Here’s how you can keep your wits about you and sidestep the emotional rollercoaster:

• Don’t overthink their reaction. Their inability to graciously accept or reciprocate isn’t about you—it’s about their own stuff.
• Limit the ego buffet. If you feel you’re pouring out praise just to get a neutral response, ease up. You’re not responsible for keeping their self-esteem afloat.
• Set healthy boundaries. If they start using your compliments to push you down or fish for more, call it out calmly or step back.
• Keep things light. Sometimes, humor can defuse the awkwardness. “Careful, don’t let your head get stuck in the doorway!” said with a smile, can keep things real.
• Remember your worth. Their reaction doesn’t diminish the sincerity or value of your words.

When Compliments Become a Tool

Be mindful if you notice you’re withholding or offering praise just to manage their mood. That’s a sign things are off-kilter. Compliments should feel natural—not like feeding a vending machine and hoping for the right snack to drop.

If you’re always tiptoeing around, trying to give just the right amount of praise to keep the peace, it’s worth asking: Is this relationship nourishing you, or just draining you dry?

Compliments and Your Sanity

There’s no need to give up being kind, or to stop recognizing the good in others. But with narcissists, staying aware of the odd dynamics can help you keep your self-respect intact.

If you’ve got a narcissist in your orbit—boss, partner, family member—be as generous as you like, but keep your expectations realistic.

That way, you can offer a compliment without waiting for a parade, a standing ovation, or (heaven forbid) a lecture.

When Praise Feels Like a Trap

Some narcissists use compliments as bait, waiting to see if you’ll bend over backward for their approval. If you sense praise is turning into a game of control—yours or theirs—it’s time to step back.

Watch for patterns: Are your compliments met with demands for more? With put-downs? With the expectation that you’ll now do extra favors? None of those are healthy signs.

A little distance, or a shift in your own response, can make life much nicer.

Celebrating Healthy Praise

Genuine connection comes from mutual respect—a compliment given and received with grace is a tiny but mighty brick in that foundation.

When you find someone who accepts your praise with genuine gratitude, it’s a breath of fresh air. Hold on to those folks.

And if you’re dealing with a narcissist, remember: their odd reaction isn’t a measure of your sincerity, your kindness, or your worth.

Reclaiming the Joy of Complimenting

Compliments are meant to lift spirits, not start a round of mental gymnastics. If you find yourself tangled up after praising a narcissist, it’s not a reflection of your communication skills.

It’s the narcissist’s relationship with praise that’s off-kilter.

Keep complimenting the people in your life who receive it with open hearts, warmth, or even a bit of bashful embarrassment.

You deserve to have your kindness land and make someone’s day a little brighter—even if, sometimes, it’s not the person you expected.

With a bit of self-awareness and a splash of humour, you can keep your feet planted firmly on the ground, even when a narcissist tries to turn your well-meaning compliment into a circus act.