How to Make a Narcissist Stop Playing Mind Games

Living with or loving a narcissist is a bit like signing up for a rollercoaster you didn’t know was open for business. The highs are dizzying, the lows are basement-level, and just when you think the ride is over, it lurches to life again.

Mind games? Oh, they’re the house specialty. But as tempting as it is to fantasize about beating a narcissist at their own game, the only way to win is to stop playing altogether.

Here’s how to pull the plug on the drama and reclaim your sanity.

Recognizing the Narcissist’s Favorite Moves

Spotting a narcissist’s mind games is the first step—because they’re nothing if not predictable, once you know what to look for.

Gaslighting, love bombing, the classic silent treatment, shifting blame faster than a politician in an election year—they have an entire playbook.

The trick is not to second-guess your reality. If you spend your nights replaying conversations, convinced you’re losing it, guess what? The games are working. Time to put away the magnifying glass and trust your gut.

Stop Explaining Yourself

Narcissists thrive when you’re on the defensive, turning every conversation into the Spanish Inquisition. They’ll ask “Why did you do that?” or “Are you sure that’s how it happened?” until you’re apologizing for things you didn’t even do.

Refuse the invitation. Keep your responses brief and boring. “I’m not going to defend myself again.” That’s it. No more elaborate justifications.

If you’re feeling extra spicy, toss in a shrug for effect.

Set Boundaries and Actually Stick to Them

Boundaries with a narcissist can feel about as useful as a chocolate teapot. But—and here’s the kicker—they’re not for the narcissist, they’re for you.

Spell out what you will and won’t tolerate. For example: “If you start yelling, I’ll leave the room.” Then, when the decibel level rivals a jet engine, make good on it.

No dramatic declarations, no bargaining. Just quietly exit, and let them argue with the furniture.

Boundaries are useless if you waffle. No empty threats, no relitigating yesterday’s rules. Consistency is your best friend here, even if you’re secretly shaking in your boots the first few times.

Stop Reacting to the Hooks

Narcissists are like fishermen. They throw out bait to see if you’ll bite. Maybe it’s an insult disguised as a joke (“Oh, you’re wearing that?”), or a cryptic comment meant to rile you up.

Biting means you’re hooked, and the game is on. Instead, aim for the emotional equivalent of a poker face. Boring responses—“Hmm,” “Okay,” or, my personal favorite, silence—will have them scrambling for new material.

The less you react, the less entertaining you become as a plaything.

Call Out the Mind Games, Calmly

Nobody enjoys being told their manipulations are showing, especially narcissists. But calmly naming what’s happening can sometimes short-circuit the game.

“I notice when we disagree, you bring up things from years ago—can we focus on what’s happening now?” Say it in a voice so calm you could be announcing bus routes.

Don’t expect a heartfelt apology or instant enlightenment. But at least you’re refusing to dance to their tune.

Refuse to Participate in Circular Conversations

Ever feel like you’re trapped in a conversation that’s going nowhere, like a dog chasing its tail? That’s a narcissist’s favorite habitat.

Here’s the secret: these conversations only continue if you join in. The escape hatch? “We’ve already talked about this,” or “I’m done discussing it.” Then disengage.

Go fold some laundry, water a plant, anything more productive than arguing in circles.

Put Your Energy Where It Matters

Mind games are exhausting. Attempting to outwit a narcissist only drains your battery. Shift the spotlight back to you.

What needs your attention? Friends, hobbies, that book collecting dust? Every moment you spend fretting about their next move is time you could use to build yourself up instead.

Self-care isn’t selfish, it’s survival. Even if it’s just locking yourself in the bathroom for five minutes with your phone and some chocolate.

Seek Support From People Who Get It

There’s a special club for people who’ve tangled with narcissists, and membership comes with wisdom (and a lot of eye rolls). Talk to friends, a therapist, or anyone who understands the unique madness of these mind games.

You’re not alone, even if you feel like no one could possibly get it. Just wait until your friend says, “He did what?!” and you both burst out laughing. Catharsis, incoming.

Don’t Expect the Narcissist to Change Just Because You Have

Personal growth is lovely. But don’t hold your breath waiting for the narcissist to clap and say, “Wow, your new boundaries have really inspired me to be a better person!”

More likely, they’ll double down on old habits, and maybe test you even harder. Change your responses anyway, for your own peace of mind. Growth is about what you do, not changing someone else’s script.

Know When to Walk Away

Sometimes, the healthiest boundary is a front door—and knowing when it’s time to use it. If the mind games have become a full-time occupation and you’re losing yourself in the process, give yourself permission to step off the ride.

This isn’t about giving up; it’s about choosing yourself. If things reach the point where you’re Googling “Am I actually crazy?” at 2 a.m., it might be time to start plotting your exit.

The Hard Truth About Winning With a Narcissist

Here’s the mic-drop moment: You don’t win mind games by outplaying the narcissist. The only win is opting out of the game entirely.

Refuse to dance, refuse to argue, refuse to twist yourself into a pretzel for their amusement. Choose peace—your peace—every time.

Will they like it? Not a chance. But that’s not your problem.

The only person you need to please is the one looking back at you in the mirror.

And that, my friend, is how you finally get off the ride.