How to Make a Narcissist Feel Insecure

Tiny violins play in the background every time a narcissist walks into the room—at least in their minds.

If you’ve spent any time with a true blue narcissist (and if you’re reading this, odds are good you have), you know how draining their self-obsession can be.

They stride through life powered by an endless need for admiration and a curious inability to self-reflect. Imagine a peacock with Wi-Fi access and a subscription to motivational quotes.

Ever wondered what shakes their unflappable confidence? Spoiler: it’s not just ignoring their latest story about “that time they almost met Beyoncé.”

Here’s the inside scoop on what makes that narcissistic shell crack—and how to go about it with your sanity (mostly) intact.

The Narcissist’s Kryptonite

Narcissists, for all their bravado, are fragile beneath the surface. Their self-esteem is like the world’s most expensive vase—proudly displayed, but ready to shatter at the slightest knock.

Insecurity is their secret poison. Yet, triggering that insecurity isn’t just about throwing an insult or rolling your eyes so loudly it echoes; it’s subtler, craftier, and infinitely more satisfying.

Withhold the Admiration

Praise is to a narcissist what oxygen is to the rest of us. Cut off the supply, and things get uncomfortable fast. Compliments, validation, fawning over their latest “brilliant” idea—this is the good stuff, and they crave it like toddlers crave sugar.

If your usual response is nodding enthusiastically or offering up an “amazing!” at every third sentence, try dialing it way back. Show interest in other people’s stories. Smile politely but don’t gush.

Watch how quickly they start fishing for your approval, suddenly uncertain about their own “specialness.”

Challenge Their Version of Reality

Narcissists love rewriting history. Yesterday’s disaster? In their retelling, they were the hero. Question their story, even gently, and you’ve thrown a wrench in their reality machine.

Don’t be combative; just ask for specifics. “Did it really happen that way?” or “Are you sure that’s how it went?” disrupts their narrative and forces them to reconsider how much you’re buying what they’re selling.

Suddenly, they’re not in control of the story—and insecurity creeps in.

Ignore the Attention-Seeking

Nothing saps a narcissist faster than an audience that won’t play along. Their antics, stories, and dramatic pauses thrive on your rapt attention.

Start texting someone back, strike up a side conversation, or even just stare into your coffee for a bit too long. The message comes through loud and clear: the world doesn’t revolve around them.

Expect a sudden increase in theatrics or some not-so-subtle attempts to win you back. Stay strong.

Show Confidence in Yourself

Self-assurance is like garlic to a narcissistic vampire. If you’re steady, secure, and not seeking their approval, it makes them uneasy.

Talk about your own accomplishments (without apologizing for it), assert your opinions, and don’t let them bulldoze you. When you’re unshakeable, it exposes the wobbliness of their own ego, and they start to question whether they’re really on top.

Praise Others in Their Presence

Shifting the spotlight away from a narcissist is practically a sport. Lavish someone else with praise—“Wow, you did such a great job on that project!” or “I wish I had your creativity”—and watch the narcissist’s smile freeze.

Jealousy is their Achilles’ heel. Suddenly, they’re not the most interesting person in the room. The insecurity? Palpable.

Stay Mysterious About Your Life

Oversharing is a narcissist’s bread and butter. They want all your details, not because they care, but because it helps them gauge where they stand.

Keep your cards close to your chest. Be vague about your weekend, your plans, even your successes. The less they know, the more they itch to know. Uncertainty breeds insecurity.

Don’t React to Provocations

Narcissists love pressing buttons—yours, mine, the neighbor’s. Emotional outbursts are their favorite fuel. A cool, calm response (or no response at all) cuts their power source.

They’re left wondering if their tactics even work, and self-doubt starts to set in. Nothing says “I’m not impressed” quite like an unimpressed face.

Call Out Inappropriate Behavior (Without Drama)

Boundaries are like kryptonite to narcissists. Point out when they’ve crossed a line—calmly, firmly, and without fanfare. “That comment wasn’t okay.” No need to launch into a Ted Talk or start a screaming match.

The point is to call attention to their behavior and refuse to let it slide. They might bluster or insist they were joking, but deep down, the message is received: not everyone is buying the act.

Limit Your Availability

Cancel plans. Take your time responding to texts. Don’t drop everything the moment they demand attention. Narcissists expect you to orbit around their needs, so when you don’t, it throws them off balance.

Clearly, you have things going on that don’t involve them—how dare you! Cue the insecurity spiral.

Let Them See You Happy Without Them

Nothing rattles a narcissist more than watching someone thrive without their magical presence. Post that selfie with friends, talk about your fun weekend, or mention a work win without inviting them to bask in the glory. Y

our happiness, outside of their influence, is a direct hit to their ego. They’ll wonder why they’re not essential to your joy—and that question stings.

Don’t Fall for Guilt Trips

Narcissists are masters at making everything your fault—sometimes before you’ve even entered the room. The sighs, the pointed silences, the guilt-laden “I guess I’m just not important to you.” Refuse to play along.

A simple “That’s not how I see it” or “I’m not taking that on” can stop a guilt trip in its tracks. Watch as their confidence wavers.

Stand By Your Values

There’s nothing more baffling to a narcissist than someone who sticks to their principles, especially when those principles don’t bend for charm or pressure. Know what matters to you—and stick with it.

This doesn’t mean being rigid, but it does mean not compromising just for their approval. Suddenly, they’re not the one calling the shots, and their self-assuredness takes a hit.

Seek Your Validation Elsewhere

Relying on a narcissist for emotional support is like expecting a goldfish to drive a car. Celebrate your wins with people who actually care. Share your struggles with people who listen.

The narcissist will sense they’re no longer your emotional center—and that’s an insecurity they can’t shake off easily.

The Power of the Unexpected

Routine is comfort food for narcissists; they love knowing the script. Change it up. Don’t react the way you usually do. Offer short, noncommittal answers. Turn down an invitation. Challenge an opinion you’d usually let slide.

Keep them guessing, and they’ll second-guess themselves.

When Enough Is Enough

Making a narcissist feel insecure might seem like poetic justice, but always remember why you’re doing it. It’s not about playing mind games for their own sake—it’s about reclaiming your space, your confidence, and your boundaries.

If you’re in a relationship where insecurity is the only tool left, it might be time to reconsider the value of that relationship.

Why Your Sanity Matters Most

Narcissists have a sixth sense for finding cracks in your self-esteem. Their insecurity is unsightly, but letting it dominate your life is worse.

Protect your mental health. Set boundaries. Limit your exposure.

The greatest victory isn’t making them feel small—it’s ensuring you feel whole, with or without their approval.

And if that means occasionally watching them squirm in the discomfort of their own insecurity? Well, consider it a small bonus. You’ve earned it.