How Narcissists Monopolise Your Time

Ever tried to schedule a weekend for yourself, but ended up spending it all tangled up in someone else’s drama?

If a certain someone seems to consume your hours like a black hole devours light, there’s a fair chance you’re in the orbit of a narcissist. Welcome to the time-share you never signed up for.

The Art of the Endless Conversation

A narcissist can make a five-minute chat about the weather stretch longer than the director’s cut of The Lord of the Rings.

You’ll notice these conversations rarely feature your opinions, or if they do, they’re swiftly redirected to the only topic that truly interests them—themselves.

One minute, you’re nodding along to their story about Karen in Accounting; three hours later, you’re still nodding, desperately eyeing the clock, wondering if you’ll ever see your Netflix queue again.

They’ll turn every conversation into an epic monologue, and your polite listening skills are their unwitting enablers.

Crisis on Tap

If you’ve ever tried to plan anything—say, a day out, or a quiet evening alone—around a narcissist, you’ve probably encountered their uncanny knack for developing an “emergency” just when you’re about to do something for yourself.

Your phone lights up with a crisis: a misunderstanding at work, a spat with a friend, or the car making a noise that’s “definitely life-threatening.”

Your plans can wait, they insist. Their drama can’t. And suddenly, you’re swerving across town with headache-inducing urgency, all for a situation that, magically, resolves itself just as their need for attention is satisfied.

The Favour Factory

Ever noticed how your calendar seems suspiciously chock-full of tasks that benefit one particular person? Babysitting their cat, picking up their dry cleaning “since you’re out anyway,” proofreading their 17-page email request to HR…

Narcissists have a sixth sense for extracting favours, and they’re not shy about it.

You’ll find yourself running their errands while your own to-do list languishes, each small request camouflaged as no big deal—until you realise you’re basically their unpaid personal assistant.

Funny, your job description didn’t mention this.

Guilt-Tripping Like It’s an Olympic Sport

Cancelling plans with a narcissist isn’t just frowned upon—it’s treated as a personal attack. “Oh, you’re tired? Well, I guess I’ll just eat alone. Again.”

Their disappointment is so palpable you can practically feel it through the screen.

And, of course, if you dare to put your own needs first, the guilt trip begins: subtle sighs, passive-aggressive comments, or even open accusations of neglect.

Before you know it, you’re rearranging your entire week just to ease their sulking.

The Never-Ending Text Thread

If you’ve ever tried to put your phone down, only to have it vibrate relentlessly with a stream of messages, you know the drill. Narcissists expect rapid-fire responses, even if it’s just about which shade of beige to paint the guest bathroom.

Text silence is not an option. If you don’t reply quickly enough, you’ll receive follow-ups—a parade of question marks, “hellos,” and maybe even a dramatic, “Guess you’re busy. Never mind.” Your downtime? Now just a myth.

Social Calendar Hijacking

That birthday dinner you planned with your mates? Suddenly, your narcissistic partner wants to come along—or worse, expects you to ditch your friends entirely for their third cousin’s improv show.

It’s not accidental. Narcissists insert themselves into your social life, not just to bask in attention, but to make sure your free time revolves around their preferences.

You’ll notice your hobbies, and even your friendships, slowly get sidelined by their never-ending need for centre stage.

The Disappearing Act (When It Suits Them)

When your time is useful—say, when you’re available to listen, help, or entertain—they’re glued to you. But the moment you need support or company? Crickets.

Narcissists are experts in selective availability. Their time is precious, and yours is… well, also theirs. Don’t expect reciprocity here—this is a one-way street, and you’re always walking uphill.

Planning Paralysis

Ever tried to pin down a narcissist to solid plans? It’s like trying to nail jelly to the wall.

They’ll keep things vague (“Maybe, let’s see what else comes up…”), or constantly change times, locations, and even the people invited, all to keep you on your toes and your calendar in limbo.

This isn’t just indecision—it’s a deliberate tactic. By never committing, they keep your schedule open for their last-minute whims, so you’re always available when (and if) they feel like gracing you with their presence.

The Emotional Energy Tax

Spending time with a narcissist isn’t just a matter of hours—it’s a matter of energy. Every interaction becomes a performance review, and you’re both the audience and the stage crew.

You leave their presence feeling wrung out, with nothing left for yourself.

Narcissists absorb your emotional bandwidth, leaving little for your own needs, goals, or even just a quiet evening with tea. Time spent with them is time borrowed from your own well-being.

How to Reclaim Your Time

Escaping the gravitational pull of a narcissist’s time warp isn’t easy, but it can be done. Begin by setting clear boundaries—yes, real ones, with actual limits.

If they demand an instant reply, let your phone’s Do Not Disturb be your new best mate.

When they try to guilt-trip you, stand firm. “I’m not available tonight, but I hope you have a nice evening.” Full stop. No elaborate explanations required.

Block off time for yourself—whether it’s reading, a walk, or watching that show nobody else likes. Treat this time as sacred, and defend it from intrusions with the passion of a Game of Thrones character protecting their claim to the throne.

If they attempt to hijack your social life or plans, resist the urge to cave. It’s okay to enjoy things without them.

Remind yourself (as many times as necessary): your time is valuable, and you don’t owe it all to anyone else—least of all someone who treats it like it’s theirs by default.

When Narcissists Notice You’re Reclaiming Your Time

Don’t expect applause when you start pulling back. A narcissist might ramp up the drama, escalate the guilt, or even try to punish you with a few cold shoulders. This is all part of the act.

Hold steady. If all else fails, fake a dodgy Wi-Fi connection and let their texts hang in the digital ether for a while. Self-care comes first, no matter how many “urgent” beige paint decisions are waiting.

Why Your Time Matters

Life’s short, and your hours are precious. They belong to you, not to whoever shouts loudest or sulks the hardest.

Recognise the signs, set your boundaries, and watch your calendar slowly fill up with things (and people) that actually bring you joy.

The days of being someone else’s emotional support hamster are behind you. Tea, anyone?