9 Narcissist’s Tactics That Lead to Burnout

Narcissists—the human equivalent of a feedback loop that only plays their favorite song.

If you’ve ever felt like you’re running a marathon through quicksand, questioning your own sanity, or simply exhausted from a relationship that feels like emotional CrossFit, you might be up against some classic narcissist tactics.

Buckle up. Here’s what might be draining your battery faster than a toddler with a juice box.

1. Gaslighting You Into Next Week

If you’ve ever thought, “Am I losing the plot?” after a conversation, congratulations: you’ve met gaslighting.

Narcissists wield this trick like a magic wand, making you question memories, perceptions, and basic facts (like whether you actually told them about your work trip or invented it during a cheese-induced dream).

Before long, you’re apologizing for things you never did or doubting the color of the sky. Emotional burnout is a given when your reality is constantly up for negotiation.

What helps? Anchor yourself. Keep a journal or lean on a friend for reality checks. Post-it notes with “I know what happened!” on your bathroom mirror aren’t overkill—they’re survival tools.

2. Love Bombing, Then Withholding Affection

Narcissists have a PhD in whiplash. At first, you’re treated to a fireworks display of affection, gifts, and attention—like you’ve won the romantic lottery.

Once you’re hooked, they flip the script. Suddenly affection is doled out like a rare spice, and you’re stuck puzzling over what you did wrong.

The emotional yo-yo leaves you obsessed with regaining their approval, which—surprise—never quite comes. Swapping dopamine for stress hormones isn’t just exhausting; it’s unsustainable.

The antidote? Notice the pattern. Consistent affection is not a myth (no, really), and you deserve more than rationed hugs and a “maybe” text.

3. Playing the Victim Card (On Repeat)

Ever tried to discuss a genuine problem, only for them to transform into the world’s most injured party? Suddenly, it’s all about their difficult childhood, stressful day, or how your valid feelings have “deeply wounded” them.

This is less communication, more deflection. Every issue becomes your fault, and you end up apologizing for hurting the person who just trampled your boundaries.

If empathy was a bank account, you’d be well into overdraft.

Redirect your compassion. Offer support, but don’t let it steamroll your needs. Drama llamas are happiest grazing in someone else’s pasture—don’t be the field.

4. Triangulation: Stirring Up Drama With Others

Narcissists never met a triangle they didn’t like. Suddenly, your boss, best friend, or their ex is involved in your relationship drama.

“Even my mum thinks you’re selfish,” they’ll say, as if mum is now the United Nations of Emotional Arbitration.

This tactic is designed to make you feel isolated and on the defensive, pitting you against a shadowy jury. That drains your energy faster than a group chat during family holidays.

Resist the urge to defend yourself to imaginary tribunals. Strong boundaries and a healthy skepticism for third-party commentary work wonders. If your partner needs backup singers, consider whether it’s even your concert.

5. Never Apologizing (Unless It’s To Manipulate)

A narcissist’s apology is as rare as a snowstorm in July. When it does arrive, it usually sounds like, “I’m sorry you feel that way.” Note the distinct lack of accountability.

This non-apology keeps you stuck in limbo, waiting for real closure or acknowledgment. Spoiler: It’s not coming.

Find your closure. Sometimes, the apology you need is the one you give yourself: “I deserved better.” Then pour yourself a cuppa and move on.

6. Shifting the Goalposts

Just when you think you’ve cracked the code—finally met their expectations—they slide the bar further away. Dishes weren’t just supposed to be washed; they were supposed to be washed clockwise, after midnight, during a lunar eclipse.

Constantly striving for impossible standards is a straight-up burnout recipe. Your self-esteem becomes collateral damage.

Stop chasing. Define your own goals for the relationship, and notice when the rules keep changing. If you feel like you’re in a never-ending game of “Simon Says,” it might be time to step away from the playground.

7. Emotional Blackmail

Narcissists love a bargain—especially if the currency is your guilt, fear, or obligation. “If you loved me, you’d do it.” “Don’t you care about my feelings?” Ah, the classics.

It’s exhausting to constantly prove your love or loyalty, especially when it’s never enough. Guilt trips only have return tickets if you allow them.

Learn to spot the manipulation. Short, confident responses (think: “I’m not comfortable with that”) are worth their weight in gold. No need to buy emotional souvenirs from every trip.

8. Withholding Communication

When all else fails, the silent treatment enters stage left. Suddenly, every interaction is a guessing game, and you’re left stewing in anxiety, replaying conversations in your head like a bad karaoke track.

Emotional withdrawal is punishment disguised as “needing space.” If you’re always apologizing just to break the silence, you’re running on empty.

Call out the pattern. Communication is a two-way street, not a toll road with arbitrary closures. You can’t shout across a moat forever.

9. Projecting Their Flaws Onto You

Blame-shifting is a narcissist’s party trick. Accuse them of being selfish? Suddenly, you’re the one who’s never considerate. Catch them in a lie? Turns out, honesty isn’t your strong suit.

Every conflict magically becomes your fault, leaving you confused, defensive, and exhausted from the mental gymnastics.

Time to return the projection equipment. Stand firm in your self-awareness, and don’t adopt flaws that don’t belong to you. If you’re willing to take responsibility, you’re already two steps ahead.

Reclaiming Your Energy (Before You Need a Forklift)

Narcissist tactics are designed to keep you off-balance, exhausted, and easy to control. Burnout isn’t a personal failing—just a predictable outcome of running in circles for someone else’s entertainment.

Genuine relationships never leave you chronically depleted. If you find yourself bone-tired, constantly self-doubting, or feeling like you’re chasing invisible prizes, it’s not you—it’s the manipulation.

Your energy is precious. Boundaries aren’t selfish; they’re how you recharge your batteries (with or without a glass of wine in hand).

Actionable step for tonight? Say no to one impossible demand, call a friend who reminds you who you are, or write down the truths you keep losing sight of.

Small wins, big difference.

You deserve peace, not perpetual chaos. And if you’re still reading—well, you already know you’re stronger than you think.