Guess what’s even more exhausting than trying to find a matching pair of socks on laundry day? Untangling the web of fibs spun by a narcissistic friend.
If you’ve ever left a coffee date feeling like you’ve just done a round at a psychological obstacle course, you’re not alone. Narcissist friendships are the emotional rollercoasters you never signed up for—but somehow bought a season pass to anyway.
Let’s take a look at the most common lies people swallow when tangled up with a narcissist pal. Spoiler: No, it’s not just you.
1. They’re Just Confident, Not Selfish
Ah, the classic “confidence” cover. Narcissists don’t just like themselves—they’re convinced nobody else measures up. And when their self-adoration looks suspiciously like steamrolling everyone in sight, they’ll tell you it’s just “self-assurance.”
Confidence lifts everyone up; narcissism steps on your head to reach the next rung.
If your mate leaves you feeling like an unpaid hype-person at every gathering, it’s not because you lack team spirit—it’s because their “confidence” is a one-way street.
2. They’re Honest Because They “Tell It Like It Is”
Who doesn’t love a dose of brutal honesty now and then? Narcissists, though, brandish “telling it like it is” as a license to insult, criticize, or bulldoze boundaries—then act baffled when you bristle.
Genuine friends offer feedback with empathy, not as a weapon. If their version of honesty always leaves you licking your wounds, it’s not tough love—it’s just tough to stomach.
3. They’re There for You When It Matters
You’ve been told they’d drop everything to help you in a crisis. Just don’t notice their phone’s uncanny ability to “lose signal” the second you actually need support.
Narcissists are masters at playing the hero—when there’s an audience. When the chips are down and you need a shoulder (or at least a text back), it’s suddenly crickets.
Except, that is, when they need something. Then your phone lights up like it’s Christmas.
4. They Don’t Hold Grudges, They Just “Set Boundaries”
Ever notice how their boundaries always involve cutting someone off or launching a full-scale silent treatment? That’s not protecting their peace; it’s weaponizing it.
Healthy boundaries are built on communication and respect. Narcissist boundaries are more like moats—designed to keep you guessing if you’re inside the castle or on the drawbridge.
And heaven help you if you cross the line—they’ll act like you tried to invade France.
5. They’re Just Passionate About Their Opinions
Passion is great on Top Chef, less so in friendships when it means your views never make it out of the oven. Narcissists don’t debate—they dominate. Disagree, and suddenly you’re public enemy number one.
If every conversation turns into a gladiator match where only one opinion (theirs) survives, you’re not being heard. Passionate debate isn’t a monologue with a captive audience.
6. They’re Misunderstood, Not Manipulative
Cue the tiny violins. Narcissists love to play the “no one gets me” card, especially when you (very reasonably) question their behaviour.
Manipulation is their native tongue, but they’ll have you believing they’re just sensitive souls who can’t catch a break.
If you regularly find yourself apologizing for being upset by their actions, it’s not you misreading the situation—it’s them rewriting the script.
7. They’re Loyal to a Fault
Everyone loves a loyal friend, but narcissist loyalty comes with strings thicker than a sailor’s knot. They’ll demand allegiance in spectacular fashion—often at the expense of your other relationships, your comfort, and occasionally, your sanity.
The moment you step out of line (translation: do anything they don’t like), that loyalty evaporates. Friendship with a narcissist is a loyalty test you’ll never quite pass, unless you fancy being a permanent member of their supporting cast.
8. They Don’t Mean It—They Were “Just Stressed”
We’ve all snapped at a mate after a shocking week, but narcissists use stress as a get-out-of-jail-free card. Insulted at brunch? “Sorry, work’s just been mad.” Dismissive of your good news? “Didn’t sleep last night; you know how it is.”
If their behaviour is always excused by external factors, you’re dealing with someone who refuses to own up—unless, of course, you want to take the blame for their mood, too.
9. They’ll Change If You’re Patient Enough
The oldest trick in the book. Narcissists sprinkle hope like confetti, promising that “next time” will be different. Next week, next argument, next solar eclipse—they just need more understanding, more patience, more…well, you.
Here’s the real kicker: change only happens if they genuinely want to. Clinging to the hope that you can love someone into self-awareness is the emotional equivalent of watering a plastic plant.
The Truth About Friendship and Self-Respect
Spotting these lies isn’t a sign you’re cynical—it’s a sign you’re waking up to reality. Narcissist friendships run on smoke and mirrors, and you don’t have to sign up for the magic show.
Choosing yourself isn’t selfish; it’s a survival skill. Think about the kindness, laughter, and support you offer to your people. That’s the minimum you deserve in return.
Honest friendship isn’t about walking on eggshells or playing emotional detective—it’s about feeling seen, heard, and celebrated, even at your worst.
Ready to trade in the “friend” who leaves you second-guessing for one who brings snacks, empathy, and maybe the odd inside joke? You deserve that. No lie.
