9 Dirty Tricks Narcissists Use During Breakups
Breakups are rarely a walk in the park, but splitting with a narcissist? That’s more like parkour through a minefield.
It’s not just about moving your stuff and unfollowing each other on Instagram; it’s about dodging psychological booby traps and keeping your sanity intact.
If you’re wondering why this particular breakup feels like you’re starring in a soap opera you never auditioned for, you might just be dealing with a narcissist’s greatest hits.
Here’s a look at the nine dirtiest tricks narcissists love to pull during breakups—and what you can do to keep your dignity while the emotional fireworks go off.
1. The Sudden Saint Act
One moment, they’re giving you the silent treatment for asking why the bins haven’t been taken out; the next, they’re reciting a list of your best qualities to friends and family.
Don’t worry, it’s not a personality transplant or an attack of conscience. It’s image management, plain and simple.
Narcissists need to look like the bigger person—especially when they know their behaviour has been less than admirable. Expect them to play the role of martyr or even the endlessly patient ex who only wanted the “best for both of us.”
The goal? To keep their halo sparkling and make you look like you lost a saint.
Here’s the play: Don’t take the bait. There’s no need to argue or defend yourself to anyone. People who know you won’t fall for their dramatic reinterpretation of history, and those who do weren’t on your team to begin with.
2. The Strategic Smear Campaign
Suddenly, people you haven’t heard from in ages are “so sorry things didn’t work out.” Translation: your ex has been busy spinning their own version of events, and you’re the villain in every telling.
Narcissists crave control, and reshaping the narrative is a favourite pastime. Expect wild exaggerations, outright lies, or stories that paint them as the innocent party.
The more outrageous the claims, the more likely it is you’re actually better off without them.
Your best bet? Resist the urge to set the record straight with every mutual friend or distant cousin. Trust that your character will speak louder than their campaign. Save your energy for rebuilding your life, not repairing every rumour.
3. The Guilt Trip Package
Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving (and giving, and giving). When narcissists see you pulling away for good, suddenly you’ll hear about their existential crises, their inability to sleep, eat, or even function without you.
Cue the tears, the “how could you do this to me?” messages, and the dramatic declarations of undying love—usually delivered with the emotional range of a toddler denied a second biscuit.
These guilt trips aren’t about love. They’re about getting you to backtrack, second-guess, or at least stick around as their emotional support animal.
Give yourself permission to feel compassion, but don’t confuse their distress with actual accountability. Empathy is great; falling back into old patterns is not.
4. The Hoover Maneuver
Much like the vacuum cleaner it’s named after, this little move is all about sucking you back in. Maybe you get a message “by mistake.” Perhaps they bring up a sweet memory or ask about your dog with uncharacteristic tenderness.
The goal is simple: get you talking again, open the door a crack, and see if they can worm their way back into your life. Sometimes they’ll even act like nothing ever happened—gaslighting, but with a smile.
Block, mute, or ghost—whatever you need to do to protect your peace. If you must communicate (shared kids, joint mortgage, etc.), keep things brief and strictly business.
There’s no need to RSVP to the nostalgia Olympics.
5. The Sudden Replacement Parade
It’s barely been a week, and they’re already “madly in love” with someone new. Social media is flooded with photos from candlelit dinners and captions quoting Rumi (who, it must be said, didn’t endorse rebound relationships).
Narcissists hate feeling irrelevant. Parading a new partner around is their way of “winning” the breakup and proving to themselves—and everyone else—that they’re still desirable.
Bonus points if the new squeeze looks exactly like you.
If this happens, don’t fall for the trap of comparison or jealousy. Their new relationship is unlikely to fare any better, and chances are, history will repeat itself—only now you’re free to watch with popcorn from a safe distance.
6. The Legal Grenade
For some, a dramatic exit isn’t enough. A narcissist might drag things through the courts, contest every item on the list, or threaten legal action over things that should have been settled with a cup of tea and a handshake.
Sometimes it’s about money. Sometimes it’s about custody. Most of the time, it’s about control and punishment for daring to walk away.
They might even use the legal process to drag things out, keeping you in their orbit as long as possible.
If you’re facing legal threats, don’t engage directly. Find a lawyer who’s seen it all before, keep records of everything, and let the professionals handle it.
Resist the urge to negotiate solo or respond to emotional emails—stick to the facts, and don’t let them draw you back into the drama.
7. The Financial Houdini
Watch closely, because this trick is all about making things disappear. During a breakup, a narcissist might suddenly “lose” their job, forget about shared bills, or claim poverty as a reason to dodge responsibilities.
Sometimes they’ll hide assets, drain joint accounts, or rack up debts in both your names. If you feel like you’re starring in your own true-crime documentary, it’s probably because financial games are a classic tactic to punish and destabilize.
Get familiar with your finances early. Freeze joint accounts if possible, collect records, and consult someone who knows their stuff. Protecting your financial future isn’t petty—it’s essential.
8. The Emotional Pyrotechnics
Cue the tears, tantrums, love letters, and angry outbursts—all in one afternoon. Narcissists thrive on chaos, and nothing says “I still control you” like keeping you guessing about what comes next.
Emotional outbursts serve a purpose: they destabilize you, make you question your own judgment, and, with any luck, lure you back into the old cycle.
One day they’re swearing off love forever; the next, they’re threatening to tell your mum all your secrets.
Ride out the storm by staying as neutral as possible. Don’t match their volume or mirror their drama. Short, factual responses or even silence work wonders.
Emotional chaos is their jam; don’t let it become yours.
9. The “Let’s Stay Friends” Trap
After all the drama, they suddenly want to keep things “friendly.” Spoiler: this isn’t about mature co‑parenting or actual friendship.
It’s about keeping the door open to future manipulation, information-gathering, or plain old ego stroking.
Friendship with a narcissist post-breakup is rarely about mutual respect. It’s about access and options—keeping you within arm’s reach just in case they need validation (or someone to water their plants while they’re on a date).
Draw clear boundaries. It’s okay to say no to friendship, block their number, or limit contact to kid-related logistics. You’re under no obligation to play supporting cast in their endless reruns.
Dodging the Dirty Tricks
Breaking up with a narcissist isn’t just about splitting lives—it’s about running a marathon through an obstacle course of manipulation, guilt, and emotional fireworks.
Recognizing these dirty tricks is the first step toward regaining control.
Treat yourself with kindness, lean on your support system, and remember: your ex’s circus tricks aren’t your responsibility to clean up.
With every boundary you set, you’re building a new life—one where the main character is finally you.
