7 Ways Narcissists Gaslight You

Ever stumbled out of an argument wondering if you’ve accidentally time-traveled into an alternate reality—one where your memory is an unreliable narrator and your feelings are just…wrong?

Welcome to the magic show known as gaslighting, starring the narcissist in your life and their endless bag of psychological tricks.

If you’ve felt like you’re losing your grip on what’s real, congratulations. You’re in the club. The dress code is confusion, and the password is “Was it really my fault?”

Here’s how narcissists pull off these mind-bending feats.

1. Twisting Your Words Until You Wish You Spoke in Morse Code

Narcissists have an uncanny ability to take something you said and spin it tighter than a politician on a live debate stage. Mention a concern, and suddenly you’re accused of being dramatic. Say you’re hurt, now you’re too sensitive.

They’ll quote you back to yourself, but somehow, you don’t remember ever saying it quite like that. By the third round, you’re not even sure you speak English anymore. It’s not just exaggeration—it’s weaponized confusion.

Best defense? Keep conversations in writing whenever possible. Texts and emails don’t lie, even when someone else is trying their best to bend the truth like Beckham.

2. Denying Things That Clearly Happened

Few things make you question your sanity faster than someone looking you dead in the eye and saying, “That never happened,” about, well, something you both witnessed ten minutes ago.

Narcissists are Olympic-level deniers. They’ll swear up and down that a conversation, promise, or argument simply didn’t occur. This isn’t a memory slip; it’s a full-on gaslighting masterclass.

Don’t underestimate the power of a journal. Jot down what happens and when, so you can reference it later. No, you haven’t gone mad—someone’s just working really hard to make you think you have.

3. Blaming You for Their Bad Behaviour

Narcissists are allergic to accountability. Spill milk? Somehow, it’s your fault for buying the wrong kind of milk in the first place. They snap at you in public? It’s because you “made them do it” by existing slightly too loudly.

This blame-shifting is exhausting and infuriating—and it works. Before long, you’re apologizing for things you didn’t do, all while your self-esteem quietly books a one-way ticket to nowhere.

What helps? Give yourself a minute to breathe before responding. Ask yourself: “Is this actually mine to own?” Spoiler: It rarely is.

4. Questioning Your Memory Like You’ve Had One Too Many

Ever had someone tell you that you’re remembering things wrong so many times that you start to believe it? Narcissists love to play Memory Lane tour guide, but they definitely take you down the wrong street.

From dates and events to entire conversations, they’ll insist your recollection is faulty. At first, you’ll dig in your heels. After a while, you might just throw up your hands and doubt your own mind.

If you’re finding yourself second-guessing reality, enlist a trusted friend. Sometimes, all it takes is a reality check from someone outside the madness.

5. Minimizing Your Feelings Until You Feel Like a Walking Overreaction

When you try to express how you feel, narcissists turn into emotional contortionists. Hurt by their words? “You’re being too sensitive.” Upset they forgot your birthday? “It’s not a big deal.”

It’s a classic move to make sure your feelings never take up any actual space. If they can convince you that you’re overreacting, they never have to take responsibility for what they’ve done.

Don’t shrink yourself. Your feelings are real and valid, even if someone else is desperately trying to convince you otherwise.

6. Recruiting Others to Back Up Their Version of Reality

Ever find yourself suddenly outnumbered in an argument you thought was private? That’s no accident. Narcissists are experts at rallying the troops.

They’ll share their side of the story—heavy on the fiction, light on the facts—and before you know it, friends or family members are giving you the side-eye.

This “flying monkey” tactic (props to The Wizard of Oz for the name) is designed to isolate you and make you doubt yourself even more.

Keep your people close. Share your side with those you trust, and remember that you’re allowed to set boundaries with anyone who tries to get involved.

7. Acting Like the Victim—Even When They’re the Villain

Here’s a twist: the narcissist manages to cast themselves in the starring role of “Innocent Victim” in the drama they just wrote, directed, and produced.

They’ll shed actual (or, let’s be honest, highly performative) tears. You, apparently, are the villain in this pantomime.

This tactic is all about flipping the script—dodging responsibility and making you feel like the heartless monster. Suddenly, you’re comforting them after their latest outburst.

Notice the pattern? If someone always ends up the victim, even when they’re clearly not, it’s not you—it’s absolutely them.

Turning Down the Gaslight

The bad news? Gaslighting isn’t just a quirky personality trait; it’s a calculated set of behaviors designed to keep you doubting yourself.

Here’s the good news: It doesn’t have to work.

The aim isn’t to win endless arguments with a narcissist (good luck with that), but to ground yourself in your own reality and hold on to your sanity with both hands.

Write things down. Save texts. Talk to people you trust. Therapy can help—a lot.

Most importantly, trust your gut. If something feels off, it probably is. You don’t need to prove you’re right to anyone who makes a sport out of making you feel wrong.

And if you’re thinking, “Is it really this bad?”—that’s the gaslight talking.

You’re not too sensitive, too needy, or too forgetful. You’re just dealing with someone who will go to Olympic lengths to keep the spotlight—and the power—on themselves.

It’s exhausting. It’s confusing. But you’re not alone, and you’re definitely not crazy.

So next time someone tries to dim your reality, hand them a flashlight—then walk out into the daylight, where the truth isn’t quite so hard to see.