7 Ways a Narcissistic Boyfriend Treats His GF

Endless selfies, mirror-polishing, and an unshakable belief that he truly is the main character—even in your own love story. If any of this rings a bell, you might be dating a narcissist.

And while the term gets thrown around like confetti, living with a narcissistic boyfriend is less party, more emotional rollercoaster operated by someone who always blames the passengers.

Wondering what it really looks like, day-in, day-out? Grab a cup of tea (or a glass of wine—judgment-free zone here), and see if any of these seven classic moves seem painfully familiar.

1. Gaslighting Becomes His Second Language

Convo kicks off with you mentioning something that upset you. Suddenly, you’re the confused one, questioning whether you even remember events correctly.

Did he really forget your birthday? Was he actually flirting with your mate at the bar?

Gaslighting is a narcissist’s bread and butter. He’ll twist facts, deny reality, and make you doubt your own memory until you’re apologizing for being “so sensitive.”

Months go by and you’re googling “Am I losing my mind?” Instead, try googling: “Red flags in relationships.” You’re not crazy; he’s just fluent in emotional smoke and mirrors.

2. Everything Is About Him, Always

Found a new job? Exciting! He immediately brings up how it’ll affect his commute. Miserable after a family loss? He’ll sigh that your sadness is killing the vibe.

Your wins, losses, and all points in between get rerouted to his personal drama.

In the world according to Mr. Narcissist, you’re a supporting actor. The phrase “main character energy” doesn’t even begin to cover it.

You might start feeling invisible, unheard, or as if your needs are inconvenient side plots in his blockbuster. You deserve better than being someone’s emotional prop.

3. Backhanded Compliments and Stealthy Put-Downs

“You look really cute—for someone who doesn’t put much effort into their appearance.” Ah, the rare and elusive compliment-insult hybrid. Narcissists are pros at doling out praise that’s laced with poison.

One day you’re feeling ten feet tall, the next you’re wondering if you’re actually a troll in a nice dress.

This isn’t random. It’s calculated. Keeping you off-balance makes him feel powerful, and keeps you seeking validation from the one person least likely to give it freely.

If “constructive criticism” is his favorite love language, it might be time to learn fluent boundaries.

4. Jealousy Masquerading as Love

At first, it’s flattering—he wants to know where you are, who you’re with, what you’re wearing. It feels like attention.

Fast-forward a few months and your phone is blowing up if you’re five minutes late, and he’s interrogating you for following a childhood friend on Instagram.

He’ll insist it’s because he “cares so much.” Translation: he needs control. This isn’t romance, it’s surveillance. The truth? Someone who trusts you doesn’t need a GPS tracker on your heart.

If you’re constantly defending harmless friendships or explaining your every move, you’re not in a partnership. You’re in a police interview.

5. Affection Comes with Invisible Strings

Romantic gestures always seem to have a catch. He takes you to dinner, then brings up how expensive it was—right when you’re least expecting it.

He’s extra loving when he wants something—a favour, a loan, or just an ego boost.

With a narcissist, affection is transactional. “What have you done for me lately?” hangs in the air, unspoken but ever-present. If love feels like a quid pro quo arrangement, it isn’t actually love. It’s emotional ransom.

Spoiler: healthy relationships don’t run on IOUs.

6. Emotional Highs and Lows Rival a Soap Opera

Some days, you’re his everything. Other days, you’re met with icy indifference, or worse, volcanic anger over trivial things. The unpredictability keeps you hooked, hoping for the “good days” to return.

This emotional whiplash isn’t accidental. Narcissists thrive on keeping partners guessing, anxious, and eager to please. You might start ignoring your own needs just to keep the peace.

Newsflash: walking on eggshells isn’t a long-term relationship strategy. Unless you’re training for a “Ninja Warrior” balance challenge, you shouldn’t have to live for the next scrap of affection.

7. Accountability Is a Foreign Concept

When things go sideways, somehow it’s always your fault. He forgot your anniversary? You should’ve reminded him. He snapped at you? Well, if only you had been more understanding. He messes up at work? It’s because you “distracted” him.

Apologies are rare, and genuine remorse is even rarer. If he does say sorry, prepare for a masterclass in non-apologies: “I’m sorry you feel that way.”

The magic trick here is that you’re always the one left feeling like you messed up. Spoiler: you didn’t.

What You Can Do Tonight

Identifying these patterns is a brave step. It’s natural to hope things will get better, or to believe you can “fix” him with enough patience and love (spoiler: you can’t).

The truth is, your needs, feelings, and sanity matter—just as much as his, if not a tad more, given how neglected they’ve likely been.

Consider keeping a private journal of what happens and how you feel. If you’re not ready to leave, talking to a trusted friend or therapist can help you see things more clearly.

Boundaries aren’t rude, they’re essential—start small if that feels safer. Every time you stand up for yourself, even if your voice shakes, you reclaim a bit of your own story.

Trust your gut. If the relationship feels like a maze with no exit, it might be time to start thinking about where you want to be a year from now.

Spoiler: living in a constant state of self-doubt isn’t part of anyone’s fairytale ending.

Love Shouldn’t Feel Like a Full-Time Job

Relationships aren’t supposed to leave you exhausted, confused, or doubting your own reality. If your boyfriend ticks more than a couple boxes on this list, it’s not “just how he is”—it’s a warning sign.

You deserve someone who sees you, hears you, and values you for exactly who you are.

Your self-worth isn’t up for negotiation, and no one gets to rewrite your story. Not even someone who thinks they’re always the hero.

Choose yourself. And if you need a nudge, remember: even the best blockbusters need a sequel with a much better love interest.