Ever found yourself wondering if your partner’s self-esteem is so high they’d need a passport to come back to earth? Or maybe their “love” feels a little more like emotional fast food—cheap, easy, and leaves you feeling oddly empty.

If you’re starting to suspect your relationship is less “soulmate” and more “emotional ATM,” you might be dealing with a narcissist who’s using you.

Let’s get into the seven big, flashing neon signs.

1. Love-bombing with an Expiry Date

Remember those first few weeks? The grand gestures, the 3 a.m. texts saying no one has ever understood them like you do, the “You’re my soulmate!” declarations before you’d even agreed on a pizza topping.

Narcissists are pros at love-bombing—showering you with attention and affection, then pulling a Houdini as soon as you’re hooked.

Suddenly, that loving energy fizzles out. You’re left chasing the high of the “honeymoon phase,” wondering what you did wrong.

Spoiler: it’s not you. It’s their favorite trick to reel you in, then watch you scramble for their approval.

2. Boundaries? Never Heard of Them

Setting boundaries with a narcissist is like trying to build a sandcastle during a hurricane. Try to say “no” or ask for space, and watch the drama unfold.

They’ll guilt-trip, sulk, or flat-out ignore your requests.

Narcissists use others as extensions of themselves, not as equals. Your needs? Adorable, but not their problem.

If you find your limits bulldozed time after time, with zero respect for your comfort, you’re probably on the receiving end of classic narcissistic use-and-abuse.

3. You’re Their Emotional Support Human

Got a big day? Something weighing on your mind? Too bad. Narcissists expect your world to revolve around their crises, complaints, and daily dramas. Your problems, on the other hand, barely register.

If every conversation turns into a monologue about their stress, their pain, their genius—while your issues gather dust in the corner—guess what? You’re not in a partnership.

You’re a never-ending support hotline, and your emotional needs are on permanent hold.

4. Gaslighting Is Their Favorite Party Trick

Ever left an argument with your partner feeling more confused than when you started? Welcome to the magical world of gaslighting, where reality is negotiable and your memory is apparently faulty.

Narcissists deploy gaslighting to dodge responsibility, rewrite history, and keep you questioning your own judgment. You’ll start doubting your feelings, your instincts, and maybe even your sanity.

Bonus points if you apologize for things you didn’t even do.

5. Your Success Feeds Their Ego (Until It Doesn’t)

Compliments come thick and fast—at first. As long as your achievements reflect well on them, they’re happy to bask in your glow. “Look at my brilliant partner!”

But the minute your success threatens to overshadow them? Suddenly, your accomplishments are “not a big deal,” or worse, “just luck.”

Narcissists use others to boost their status, not to celebrate genuine joy. If you feel like your wins are only celebrated when they suit your partner’s narrative, congratulations: you’re being used as a prop in their one-man show.

6. Taking, Taking, and Still Taking

Givers gonna give, but narcissists are world-class takers. They borrow money without repayment, expect favors without reciprocity, and treat your time as their personal resource.

This isn’t an occasional slip-up; it’s a pattern. If you feel drained—emotionally, physically, financially—by a relationship where giving is a one-way street, it’s probably not just bad luck.

It’s someone seeing you as a resource, not a partner.

7. The Disappearing Act When You’re No Longer Useful

Need a friend? A partner? Someone to help you move house or hold your hand through a hard time?

Narcissists turn into world-class magicians when you need support, pulling a vanishing act with the speed of someone dodging awkward small talk at a party.

Watch how they respond when you ask for something—especially something that benefits you, not them. Do they suddenly have “work,” “plans,” or a mysterious illness?

Being there for you isn’t in the script once your usefulness runs out.

What to Do When the Red Flags Are Waving

Spotted yourself (or your partner) in a few too many of these signs? That pit in your stomach is good old-fashioned intuition, not indigestion.

Pulling away from a narcissist isn’t easy. They’re experts at creating drama and making you doubt your own worth.

But here’s the thing: your needs matter, your boundaries are valid, and you deserve a relationship where love isn’t transactional.

Start by reclaiming your time and energy. Say “no” and stick to it. Gather your support crew—friends, family, a therapist who doesn’t roll their eyes when you talk about your ex.

The more you reconnect with people who actually see and value you, the dimmer the narcissist’s spotlight will seem.

Just because someone treats you like an accessory doesn’t mean you have to stick around waiting for the next fashion trend. Take your worth seriously—because you can bet a narcissist never will.