5 Narcissist’s Lies About Their Commitment to You

If you’re reading this, odds are you’ve started to wonder if your relationship’s “happily ever after” might have a few plot holes.

Maybe you’re seeing red flags, or maybe you’re just tired of hearing promises that sound like they were written by someone who’s never actually met you.

Welcome to the world of narcissist commitment—where the only thing more flexible than their promises is their definition of “truth.”

Grab your metaphorical popcorn and let’s dissect the top five lies narcissists love to tell about their devotion, plus how to spot them before you find yourself starring in their next drama.

1. I Would Never Hurt You

This classic comes out early, often, and with maximum dramatic flair. The narcissist, all twinkling eyes and grand gestures, swears up and down: “I could never, ever hurt you.”

It sounds romantic. It’s almost believable. It’s also absolute rubbish.

Narcissists are masters of intention-washing. Their version of “I would never hurt you” really means “I don’t intend to, unless it benefits or amuses me, or you do something inconvenient, or I’m bored, or it’s a Tuesday.”

If you point out that, actually, you’re feeling a bit bruised by their words or actions, you’ll get a blank stare, followed by a lecture on how sensitive you are. Spoiler: It’s always your fault.

When you hear this line, don’t be distracted by the delivery. Notice the pattern instead. Commitment isn’t a promise not to err; it’s about accountability after the fact.

The narcissist’s lack of remorse when you’re hurting is the tell-tale sign that their “never” actually means “just don’t mention it.”

2. I’m Just So Busy

If you’ve ever texted your partner twelve times and gotten a single “k” in response—three days later—this one’s for you. Narcissists love to camouflage emotional neglect with claims of being “busy.”

Work is wild, their family needs them, their dog has Pilates… the excuses are endless and always just out of reach.

The problem isn’t that life can’t get hectic. The problem is that time and time again, you’re the one making all the effort while they’re too swamped to send a meme, much less actually show up for you.

When you raise the issue, you’ll get a crash course in Narcissist Gaslighting 101: “Can’t you see how much I do for us?” Translation: “I’m not really in this with you, but please keep orbiting my fabulousness.”

Commitment means being present, even when life gets real. If “busy” is an ongoing excuse for lack of connection, affection, or support, what they’re really busy doing is prioritizing everything but you.

3. You’re the Only One I’ve Ever Felt This Way About

Nothing gets the heart racing (and the red flags waving) quite like this one. The narcissist is here to sweep you off your feet with “You’re the only one,” delivered with all the gravitas of a Shakespearean actor.

Breathtaking, isn’t it? For about five minutes.

Declarations like this come at hyperspeed: you’re still figuring out their middle name, and they’re already naming your future children and swapping soul mate stories. It’s intoxicating—and designed to be.

Narcissists use this tactic to lock in your attention, inflate your ego, and distract you from pesky details like boundaries and actual compatibility.

Here’s the kicker: if you’re “the only one,” why does their phone ping at all hours? Why do their stories about exes sound suspiciously similar to the ones they’re telling you now?

This love-bombing isn’t about their deep commitment to you; it’s about their deep commitment to being adored.

Swooning is fun, but emotional whiplash isn’t. Ask yourself: does their devotion translate into consistent respect, honesty, and care? If not, you might just be another star in a very crowded lineup.

4. I’m Working on Myself for Us

Personal growth: the relationship world’s version of duct tape. When confrontation hits or you ask for, say, empathy, the narcissist morphs into a self-help junkie overnight.

Suddenly, they’re reading books, meditating, journaling—at least on Instagram. “I’m working on myself for us,” they say, with just enough mist in their eyes to make you question your sanity.

Genuine growth is slow, messy, and, most importantly, visible. Narcissists, on the other hand, talk about change with the enthusiasm of a motivational speaker and the follow-through of a politician making campaign promises.

You’ll hear about all the progress happening just out of sight, in a magical land where apologies grow on trees and empathy flows like wine.

Here’s the test: look for actions, not just words. Has their behavior actually shifted, or are they just better at saying sorry? Are you seeing more accountability… or just better excuses?

If your relationship feels like a never-ending waiting room for a grand transformation, you’re not the problem—they’re just not that committed to changing.

5. I Would Never Lie to You

Cue the laugh track. Narcissists are, at heart, storytellers. Unfortunately, they don’t believe the plot should be constrained by facts. “I would never lie to you” is less a promise, more like a dare.

Sure, they told you they were out with friends, and sure, you saw their ex post a suspicious selfie at the same bar, but didn’t you know—you’re imagining things!

This isn’t about one-off fibs. Narcissists spin entire alternate realities where you’re always suspicious, they’re always innocent, and the truth is whatever they say it is.

Confronting them? Prepare for the “How could you not trust me?” routine, which usually leads straight to some epic sulking or a dazzling guilt trip.

Transparency is the bedrock of real commitment. If you’re living in a permanent state of confusion, anxiety, or sleuthing, you’re not in a relationship—you’re in an Agatha Christie novel, minus the satisfying conclusion.

Ask yourself if you feel safe and grounded, or perpetually one step behind a plot twist.

Reclaiming Your Sanity and Self-Worth

Every relationship has bumps, but love should never come with a side order of gaslighting, confusion, or Olympic-level excuse making.

If you’re growing tired of deciphering narcissistic riddles and empty promises, you’re not alone—and you’re not crazy.

Start with your own boundaries. What do you need to feel secure, respected, and genuinely loved? Communicate those needs without apology. Watch how your partner responds—not just what they say, but what they do in the days and weeks after.

Commitment isn’t about word count; it’s about consistent, reliable behavior.

If you find yourself stuck in a loop of hope, disappointment, and self-blame, reach out for support.

Friends, family, and (if needed) a good therapist can remind you what healthy love actually looks like—hint: it’s not a never-ending guessing game.

No one deserves to be kept on the hook by someone who’s only committed to their own image.

The real prize? Rediscovering your own worth, and opening yourself up to a relationship based on truth, respect, and actual connection.

Turns out, the best commitment you’ll ever receive is the one you make to yourself.