5 Lies That Stop You from Healing (Wake Up!)

Healing sounds so lovely, doesn’t it? Cue the gentle music, soothing sage, and a bubble bath that fixes your entire life. Except, real healing isn’t Instagrammable and doesn’t happen with cucumber slices. It’s gritty. It’s uncomfortable.

And worst of all, it’s riddled with traps—lies that will keep you circling the same emotional cul-de-sac for years. Grab a cuppa (or something stronger) and let’s call out the big five fibs, so you can finally get out of your own way.

1. The Lie That Time Alone Will Fix Everything

The classic: “Time heals all wounds.” If that were true, we’d all be walking around emotionally unscathed, with our internal baggage checked and claimed. Time doesn’t heal—it just passes.

You might move from ugly-crying to numbness, but unaddressed trauma doesn’t quietly wander off. It waits, lurking, until it shows up as panic about someone not texting back or an urge to throat-punch your ex at the supermarket.

Healing takes more than flipping the calendar. Support, therapy, honest conversations with yourself—it’s active, not passive.

If the passage of time was the magic fix, family gatherings wouldn’t feel like a reunion of unresolved grudges. Old wounds require more than waiting for them to fade like bad fashion choices.

Start by acknowledging the pain. Say it out loud. Write it down. Put on an angsty playlist and have a wallow, but then decide you’re ready to move forward and get help if you need it.

Healing is work, and it’s the kind worth clocking in for.

2. The Lie That You Must Forgive to Move On

“Forgive and forget” might sound noble on a throw pillow, but it’s not a universal solution. Some things are, frankly, unforgivable. That’s okay.

Forgiveness is not a prerequisite for healing. It isn’t a badge of spiritual superiority, and it certainly doesn’t mean what happened was ever okay.

This lie is especially toxic if you’ve survived manipulation, narcissistic abuse, or betrayal. Expecting yourself to grant absolution can turn the healing process into a guilt-ridden mess.

You do not need to let anyone off the hook to reclaim your happiness or peace of mind.

What you need is acceptance—accepting what happened, accepting your feelings about it, and yes, accepting that some wounds will always sting if you poke at them. Put the focus on boundaries.

What do you need today to feel safer, kinder to yourself? That’s the real healing work.

3. The Lie That Being Strong Means Going It Alone

There’s a medal in society for “toughing it out.” Spoiler alert: it’s a cheap one, and it’ll turn green on your skin. The myth that strength equals silence is one of the fastest ways to keep yourself stuck.

Healing isn’t a solo challenge or a test of character. Humans are wired for connection, not solitary confinement.

Pride gets in the way. Maybe you don’t want to “burden” others, or you’ve been told you’re “too much.” But bottling everything up is a recipe for emotional indigestion.

Talking to a friend, a therapist, or the dog (less judgment, more tail wagging) helps put things in perspective. Sometimes you need someone to say, “Yeah, that was rubbish,” or, “No, you’re not overreacting,” before you believe it yourself.

Ask for help. Let yourself be supported. Vulnerability isn’t weakness; it’s the secret ingredient to real, lasting healing. Try it. The world won’t end if you admit you need a hand.

4. The Lie That It Was All Your Fault

Ah, the old familiar soundtrack: “If only I’d been smarter, kinder, less annoying, more patient…” The self-blame spiral is a classic, especially for anyone who’s been gaslit or manipulated by someone with a PhD in emotional acrobatics.

Here’s the truth: not everything that happened was your doing. You can own your part—and growth is impossible if you don’t—but you can’t shoulder the blame for every storm that’s ever clouded your skies.

Sometimes people are selfish. Sometimes they’re destructive. And sometimes, they just plain suck.

Cut yourself a bit of slack. Pick apart what’s actually yours, and what’s just projected shame or someone else’s unfinished business.

If the story in your head is making you the villain and the victim, it’s overdue a rewrite. Healing means recognizing your power without mistaking yourself for the world’s emotional punching bag.

5. The Lie That You’re Too Broken to Heal

If you’ve been through enough, it’s tempting to accept your wounds as permanent fixtures. “Maybe I’m just too damaged. Maybe this is as good as it gets.”

This narrative is seductive because it removes any pressure to try—if you’re broken, you’re off the hook.

But healing isn’t just for people with minor scratches. The most complicated, battle-scarred hearts are often the ones most capable of transformation.

And just because your life hasn’t followed the script doesn’t mean the story’s over. It’s still being written.

The truth is, nobody’s completely healed. We’re all works in progress, with patched-up bits and unfinished chapters. Allow for the possibility that things can get better—even if you’ve been stuck for years.

Healing isn’t about erasing the past, it’s about living well in spite of it. You can absolutely have scars and a future worth showing up for.

Giving These Lies the Boot

Healing doesn’t happen because you read a pithy quote or nail your self-care routine. It happens when you ditch these five lies and start calling things what they are. Hurt is real. So is hope.

Even if your healing journey looks nothing like the glossy before-and-after shots on social media, it’s yours. That’s the point.

Go ahead—wake up, call out the rubbish, and put your own well-being at the front of the queue.

Healing isn’t a myth. But you do have to show up for it, lies and all.