10 Ways Narcissists Manipulate Friends

Ever had a friend leave you feeling confused, wrung out, or like you somehow owe them your firstborn? Chances are, you’ve tangled with a narcissist.

These aren’t just your average self-centered pals who hog the karaoke mic—narcissists wield manipulation like an Olympic sport, twisting friendships into their own private circus.

Here’s how these masters of mind games keep friends orbiting around their egos.

1. Gaslighting Until You Doubt Reality

Heads up: if you’re starting to wonder whether you’re suddenly as forgetful as your phone after a software update, gaslighting might be in play.

Narcissists are connoisseurs of casting doubt on your memory, perceptions, and even your sanity. Maybe you call them out for standing you up—next thing you know, they insist you got the date wrong, or that you “never mentioned it anyway.”

Suddenly you’re doubting your calendar and your grip on reality.

The goal? To keep you off-balance, second-guessing yourself, and increasingly dependent on their version of events. Handy for them, not so much for your mental health.

2. Playing the Victim Card (With Olympic Flair)

Grab the tissues, because narcissists have an endless supply of hard-luck stories—often starring you as the villain.

Misplaced their keys? Clearly your fault. Had a rough day? You didn’t text enough encouragement. Even their ex from 2007 dumping them somehow boomerangs around to your “lack of support.”

This routine turns the friendship into endless emotional labor. You’re always on the back foot, apologizing or soothing them, while your own needs are brushed aside like last week’s leftovers.

3. Love-Bombing—And Then Withdrawing

In the early days, narcissists come on strong: extravagant compliments, grand gestures, texting like you’re their life coach and stand-up comic in one. You’ll feel like you’ve won the friendship lottery.

But once you’re hooked, they’ll cut the affection cold turkey. Suddenly, you’re scrambling to regain their approval, chasing crumbs of attention.

This push-pull keeps you emotionally invested, desperate for the high of their fleeting validation.

4. Triangulation: Introducing Third Parties

Nothing spices up a friendship like a third wheel—at least, according to narcissists.

They’ll casually drop that another mate thinks you’re “too sensitive,” or mention how someone else deals with their issues “so much better.” It’s not constructive feedback; it’s weaponized comparison.

You’re subtly pitted against others, battling for their approval like it’s the last biscuit at teatime.

Over time, this erodes your confidence and keeps you off-balance, never quite sure where you stand.

5. Hoovering When You Try to Escape

Tried distancing yourself from a narcissist? Wait for it—the “hoover” is coming.

Suddenly, they’re full of remorse, promising to change, sending heartfelt messages, or even surprising you with that book you mentioned six months ago. All part of sucking you back in when you start to pull away.

This cycle of push-pull isn’t about genuine friendship; it’s about keeping you within their gravitational field.

Once you’re hooked again, the shiny new behavior fades, and the old games return. Rinse, repeat, and try not to get dizzy.

6. Backhanded Compliments and Subtle Put-Downs

Not all insults come with neon lights. Narcissists are masters of the “complisult.”

Think: “I wish I had your confidence to wear that dress,” or “You’re so brave to speak up, even when you’re wrong.” These backhanded compliments sound supportive until you replay them later and realize your ego’s just taken a hit.

The effect? Your self-esteem erodes, making you easier to control.

7. Selective Memory for Their Own Benefit

A narcissist’s memory is a magical thing—selectively forgetting their promises, but never missing your slip-ups.

They’ll insist you agreed to do something you never signed up for, or forget that time they borrowed your car and returned it with a new mystery dent. But heaven forbid you forget their birthday; you’ll hear about it for years.

This selective recall keeps you on the defensive, always feeling like you’re the unreliable one.

8. Monopolizing Conversations

Does every chat with them feel like an accidental TED Talk? Narcissists are world champs at turning every conversation back to themselves.

Mention a bad day at work, and within seconds they’re recounting the time they heroically survived corporate sabotage (or the office coffee machine explosion, same thing). Any attempt you make to share your life is redirected or sidelined.

Soon enough, your friendship feels more like an unpaid audience gig than a real connection.

9. Boundary Bulldozing

Boundaries are mere suggestions to a narcissist, not rules.

Say you need some alone time, and suddenly you’re accused of being distant or “not caring enough.” Set a reasonable expectation—like asking them not to text past midnight—and brace for melodrama or a guilt trip.

Respect for your space doesn’t fit their agenda. Eroding your boundaries keeps you available on their terms.

10. Guilt-Tripping and Emotional Blackmail

Narcissists are experts at making you feel responsible for their happiness, moods, and even their questionable life choices.

Skip their party because you’re ill? They’ll tell everyone how you “abandoned” them. Suggest you need a break, and you’re “selfish.”

The guilt trips range from subtle sighs and moody silence to full-on emotional blackmail, like threatening to end the friendship unless you prioritize their needs.

All designed to keep you compliant—and conveniently, the center of their universe.

Spotting the Signs, Reclaiming Your Sanity

If you recognized your “friend” in any of these tactics, you’re not alone—and you’re not imagining things.

Narcissistic manipulation is insidious precisely because it twists the very fabric of friendship, leaving you questioning your worth and sometimes even your sanity.

The antidote? Boundaries, support, and a good reality check with trusted people who don’t play mind games. Reclaiming your time and energy might ruffle a narcissist’s feathers, but that’s their problem, not yours.

Your friendships deserve honesty, respect, and a little less drama—unless you’re auditioning for reality TV, in which case, carry on.