10 Ways Narcissists Gaslight at Work

Ever left a meeting scratching your head, wondering if you actually suggested that disastrous idea, or if someone just rewrote history in front of everyone? Welcome to the enchanted forest of workplace gaslighting, where narcissists rule and logic quietly resigns.

If you’ve ever felt like you’re going a bit mad at work, there’s a solid chance you’re sharing an office with someone who treats facts like Play-Doh.

Here are ten ways narcissists gaslight colleagues on the clock—plus what to do about it, besides hiding under your desk.

1. Rewriting History Faster Than a Politician

One classic narcissist move: denying things they’ve said or done, with the confidence of a cat sitting on your laptop. They will insist, in front of everyone, that no, they never promised that deadline.

In fact, they never even spoke to you about that project.

A week ago, they might have declared a task “top priority.” Now, when the boss asks, your mate shrugs and says, “That was never on my radar.” You question your own memory (should you be taking vitamins?), while the room nods along.

Survival tip: Keep a paper trail. Emails are your friend. Sticky notes, shared docs, interpretive dance—whatever helps you document what actually happened.

2. Masterclass in Minimizing

Narcissists love to downplay your contributions. Nailed a presentation? “Oh, it was just the template that made it look good.” Spent hours on a report? “Anyone could have done that.”

This isn’t just run-of-the-mill garden-variety jealousy. It’s a deliberate attempt to make you think you bring nothing to the table except maybe coffee.

If you start doubting your abilities, congratulations: their mission is accomplished.

Survival tip: Remind yourself—and your boss—of your specific wins. Keep a running “brag file.” You’re allowed to sparkle, even if someone nearby is allergic to seeing you shine.

3. Public Praise, Private Critique

Here’s the classic bait-and-switch. In meetings, narcissists sometimes sing your praises to look like a benevolent leader. But behind closed doors, you’ll be told your work is subpar, or you’re “not a team player.”

This whiplash creates confusion. Are you the office hero or the villain in a bad sitcom? The answer: Neither. You’re a prop in their ongoing story about themselves.

Survival tip: Pay attention to patterns. Consistent incongruence is a red flag, not a performance review.

4. Making Mountains from Molehills

Narcissists are experts at zeroing in on your tiniest mistake. That typo in your email becomes evidence of your “carelessness.” Accidentally left someone off a CC? “You never think things through.”

Meanwhile, their own errors are “learning opportunities” or “miscommunications.” The double standard would be impressive if it weren’t so exhausting.

Survival tip: Stand up for yourself, calmly and consistently. “Yes, I made a mistake, and I’ve corrected it” is a perfectly grown-up response.

5. The Great Blame Shuffle

The office narcissist treats blame like a beach ball—just keep it in the air and make sure it lands on someone else. If a project tanks, your name will mysteriously attached itself to the failure, even if you weren’t within ten miles of it.

Narcissists rarely, if ever, own mistakes. After all, infallibility is part of their brand. Your confusion about how you got thrown under the bus? Just a bonus.

Survival tip: Document who did what, and when. If things go south, it’s easier to point to the receipts.

6. Gaslighting by Omission

Sometimes, what isn’t said is just as manipulative. Narcissists may “forget” to invite you to meetings or leave you out of critical email threads—then act baffled that you missed a key detail.

“Didn’t you get the memo?” becomes their favorite phrase, as if you’re hiding important emails in your spam folder for fun.

Survival tip: Proactively ask for updates and meeting invites. Be annoyingly thorough. Annoying trumps blindsided.

7. Playing the Martyr Card

Narcissists often cast themselves as the overworked, unappreciated soul—the only one holding everything together. Any attempt to question their methods or memory is met with sighs and tales of heroic sacrifice.

This isn’t just for sympathy. It’s a tactic to guilt you into silence, so you’ll stop pointing out their inconsistencies or unfairness.

Survival tip: Empathy’s great, but don’t let a sob story distract you from their behavior. You can acknowledge stress without accepting manipulation.

8. Twisting Feedback into Personal Attacks

Feedback should be constructive, but in the narcissist’s hands, it’s a weapon. They’ll take legitimate suggestions and twist them into assaults on their character, then accuse you of being “out to get them.”

Suddenly, you’re the “toxic” one, while they’re the misunderstood genius. Gaslighting at its finest.

Survival tip: Stay focused on the facts. “I suggested we change the font, not that you’re a terrible person.” If possible, loop in a third party for transparency.

9. Withholding Information as Leverage

Ever had a colleague who keeps crucial project details to themselves, only to swoop in at the last minute with the “correct” solution? That’s not just bad communication—it’s a power play.

Narcissists love being the gatekeeper, ensuring you’re always a step behind. When you inevitably hit a snag, they’re right there to “save the day” (with a side note about your incompetence).

Survival tip: Ask direct questions and cc the team. The more eyes on the process, the less room for secrecy.

10. Sabotaging, Then Acting Innocent

A narcissist might quietly torpedo your work—removing files, changing deadlines without warning, or giving you bad intel—then feign complete innocence when disaster hits.

If you raise concerns, they’ll insist it’s your fault for being “disorganized” or “unreliable.” The result? Self-doubt and a strong urge to move to a remote cabin.

Survival tip: Confirm instructions and changes in writing. No, it’s not overkill. It’s self-defense.

Bringing Sanity Back to Work

Gaslighting can leave you doubting your own mind, especially when it’s coming from someone who knows how to play the office politics game. Spotting these tactics is step one; holding your ground is step two.

Keep your own records. Develop a support network, even if it’s just one trusted colleague. Practice setting boundaries, and don’t let someone else’s reality become your own.

And if you ever forget just how real this is, check your sent mail. Turns out, you did remember the meeting after all.