9 Ways Narcissists Make You Question Your Sanity

Ever found yourself mid-argument, desperately trying to remember if you really did leave the milk out or if your partner just enjoys rewriting history?

Welcome to the funhouse mirror world of narcissistic relationships, where up is down, apologies are rarer than a polite toddler, and your memory is somehow always wrong.

If you’ve ever caught yourself wondering, “Wait, am I the crazy one here?”—congratulations, you might be locked in a psychological chess match with a narcissist.

Let’s unpack the top nine ways these charmers can have you doubting your grip on reality, along with some hard-won wisdom for reclaiming your peace of mind.

1 Gaslighting Until You Doubt Your Own Name

Narcissists practically invented gaslighting. They’ll deny things they said two minutes ago, contradict themselves with astonishing confidence, and then act shocked when you don’t remember events the same way.

Suddenly, you’re apologizing for things you didn’t do, second-guessing your memory, and developing the self-assurance of a day-old kitten. The more you protest, the more they’ll paint you as hysterical or “too sensitive.”

Tip: Keep records—text messages, notes, even a diary. No, it’s not evidence for a courtroom drama; it’s just your way of staying tethered to reality.

2 Blame-Shifting Until Your Shoulders Are Sore

Narcissists hate accountability the way cats hate water. If something goes wrong, it’s never on them. Ever.

Somehow, you’re responsible for their bad mood, their mistakes at work, and maybe even climate change.

They’ll twist every situation so you’re left holding the bag, wondering how you managed to ruin their day by breathing too loud.

Tip: Pause before accepting blame. Ask yourself—was this actually my responsibility, or am I just the designated scapegoat again?

3 Withholding Affection Like It’s Rationed

Get too close, and suddenly affection dries up faster than the last doughnut in the box. Narcissists love using love as a bargaining chip.

Did you call them out for bad behavior? Prepare for the silent treatment or cold shoulder.

These emotional droughts leave you desperate for their approval, jumping through hoops just to get a crumb of warmth.

Tip: Notice the pattern. Real love isn’t conditional on you swallowing your feelings or walking on eggshells.

4 Spinning Stories That Make Your Head Spin

Ever tried to follow a narcissist’s explanation for why they were three hours late? It’s like listening to an improv troupe on a caffeine bender.

They’ll mix half-truths, elaborate backstories, and just enough plausible detail to keep you off-balance.

By the end of it, you’re more confused than convinced—and apologizing for asking in the first place.

Tip: Get comfortable with “That doesn’t add up.” You’re not being paranoid; you’re waking up.

5 Playing the Victim Like It’s an Olympic Sport

When all else fails, expect a performance worthy of an awards show. Suddenly, you’re the cruel one, they’re the wounded duck, and everyone’s supposed to feel bad for them.

This emotional sleight-of-hand makes you question your own boundaries. Are you really being unfair, or are you just enforcing a perfectly reasonable limit?

Tip: Trust your boundaries. Guilt is their tool of choice; it doesn’t have to be yours.

6 Triangulating With Friends and Family

Narcissists are secretly aspiring puppeteers. They’ll bring your friends, kids, or even your gran into conflicts. Suddenly, “Everyone thinks you’re overreacting,” or, “Even your best mate agrees with me.”

Next thing you know, you’re isolated, doubting your instincts, and afraid to reach out in case you really are the problem.

Tip: If possible, check with the third party directly. Most of the time, they’re as baffled as you.

7 Weaponizing Your Insecurities

Those little secrets you shared during a vulnerable moment? Narcissists store them away like arrows in a quiver. When they sense you’re about to call out their nonsense, they’ll fire one of your insecurities right back at you.

Suddenly, the conversation is about your “issues,” not their behavior. Defensive, flustered, and off-balance, you’ll wonder how the tables turned so quickly.

Tip: If possible, don’t feed them more ammunition. Shift the focus back to the issue at hand, and refuse to be distracted by personal digs.

8 Love-Bombing Followed by Emotional Withdrawal

At the start, narcissists are all fireworks and grand gestures. You feel special, seen, and swept off your feet. Then, once you’re hooked, the affection disappears.

Any attempt to discuss this abrupt switch is met with annoyance or accusations of neediness.

The constant push-pull keeps you addicted, always chasing the high of those early days.

Tip: Healthy relationships don’t run on extremes. Consistency is sexier than chaos, no matter what your inner drama addict says.

9 Arguing in Circles Until You’re Dizzy

Ever left a fight feeling like you just did twelve rounds with a particularly smug lawyer? Narcissists excel at moving the goalposts. They’ll change the subject, nitpick your words, or bring up ancient history.

Before you know it, you’re defending something unrelated, apologizing for things from years ago, and completely forgetting what started the argument.

Tip: Call a time-out. When the discussion veers into nonsense, refuse to play along. “We’re off-topic” works wonders.

How to Start Trusting Yourself Again

Living with a narcissist is a masterclass in self-doubt. Eventually, you start tuning out your own intuition, believing their version of reality, and sacrificing your peace for theirs.

Here’s the truth: If you feel like you’re losing your mind, there’s probably a reason—and it’s not because you’re actually crazy. It’s because someone else benefits when you’re confused, apologetic, and compliant.

Trust that inner whisper when it says something’s off. Reach out to someone who’ll listen without judgment, even if it’s just a mate over a cuppa.

Re-read those old messages when the gaslighting gets thick. Practice saying, “No, that’s not how I remember it,” or “I’m allowed to feel upset,” until it feels less terrifying.

And remember, even if you’ve been spun around nine ways from Sunday, you can always get your bearings back.

Sanity, as it turns out, is a lot more resilient than narcissists would like you to believe.