9 Ways Narcissists Make You Feel Like Second Best

Ever wondered why you walk around your house feeling like a background actor in someone else’s movie? Welcome to the narcissist’s favorite magic trick—turning their partners into extras.

If your relationship leaves you wondering if you’re in second place, or even further down the leaderboard, you might be dealing with some classic narcissist shenanigans.

Let’s step into the ring and call out those tactics, one by one. Because you deserve the main character energy, not the consolation prize.

1. Withholding Approval Like It’s Pure Gold

Praise from a narcissist is about as rare as a solar eclipse. They’ll watch you hustle, win, and shine—then act as if you just did the bare minimum or, worse, nothing at all.

Did you finally get that promotion at work? They might mumble, “Well, I guess they were desperate,” while inspecting their nails.

When your need for recognition gets brushed aside, you’re left doubting your worth. The narcissist’s approval is always just out of reach, so you keep jumping through hoops, hoping for that elusive pat on the back.

Spoiler: It’s never quite enough.

2. Playing the Comparison Game on Hard Mode

Narcissists have a PhD in making you feel lesser by comparing you to literally anyone—an ex, a friend, their mum. No one is off limits.

“Sarah always made the best cheesecake,” they’ll sigh, as you stand there with your homemade dessert, spatula in hand.

This isn’t about cheesecake, or Sarah, or even dessert. It’s about shifting the spotlight away from your efforts, so you’re always scrambling to meet some ever-changing standard.

You’re second best, and they want you to know it.

3. Turning Your Achievements Into Their Victories

Built a successful side hustle? Landed a rare bottle of wine for your anniversary? Watch how fast the narcissist finds a way to make it about them.

Suddenly, it was “their idea all along” or “they connected you to the right people” or “remember, I told you to go for it.”

It’s like living in a world where your wins only count when they can claim credit (and somehow, they always do). You end up feeling like the sidekick in your own success story.

4. Mastering the Art of Emotional Breadcrumbing

Healthy relationships thrive on consistent emotional support. Narcissists? They hand it out like free samples at a supermarket—just enough to keep you coming back for more, never enough to fill you up.

Moments of warmth are stingy and unpredictable. When you’re doing something they like, or when they need something from you, you’ll get a taste of affection.

Blink, and it’s gone, leaving you hungry for more and always wondering what you did wrong.

5. Using the Silent Treatment as a Power Play

Ever made a simple request, only to get radio silence for two days? Narcissists have perfected the silent treatment. It’s not conflict avoidance—it’s power play.

The aim isn’t resolution; it’s making you squirm. You’re left anxiously replaying every conversation, desperate to regain their attention.

Suddenly, you’re the one apologizing, regardless of who started it. Who’s in charge now? Not you.

6. Keeping You Guessing With Hot-And-Cold Behavior

Some days, they’re overflowing with charm and affection. Other days, you get the emotional equivalent of Antarctic winds.

This unpredictable push-pull keeps you on edge, never sure which version of your partner you’ll get.

By keeping you off balance, narcissists maintain all the power. You’re too busy chasing their approval to notice you’re always running in circles. The chase is exhausting—and designed to keep you in second place.

7. Rewriting History With Gaslighting

Did you really forget that important date, or did they just say you did? Gaslighting is a narcissist’s signature move. They’ll twist facts, deny promises, and rewrite entire conversations.

The more you protest, the more they insist you’re wrong. Over time, your self-doubt grows roots. You start believing you’re the unreliable one, while they stand back and polish their imaginary halo.

8. Refusing to Celebrate What Matters to You

Did your birthday just become “just another day”? Narcissists have a knack for shrugging off what’s important to you, unless it benefits them.

Your milestones barely register—unless they can be used for their own ego parade.

This selective enthusiasm makes you feel like your happiness is secondary. You start to question whether your celebrations are even worth it, which is exactly what a narcissist wants.

9. Always Finding a Way to Put Themselves First

Every conversation, every plan, every dinner menu—somehow, it keeps circling back to them. Your needs are an afterthought, if they’re considered at all.

When you raise concerns, you’re labeled “needy” or “dramatic.” After a while, you start shrinking your requests down to nothing, just to avoid the backlash.

Congratulations, you’re now officially in second place… in a race where only one person is allowed to win.

Taking Back the Main Character Role

If you’ve been nodding along, maybe even laughing in the kind of “it’s funny because it’s true” way, you’re not alone.

Narcissists have a playbook, and every move is calculated to keep you feeling like you’re running a marathon with your shoelaces tied together.

What’s the antidote? Boundaries. Radical self-respect. A dash of self-celebration, even if initially it’s just you and your cat at the party.

Therapy, trusted friends, and a healthy dose of humor won’t hurt either.

You’re not meant to be second best in your own life. Life’s too short for someone else’s ego to take up all the room on the sofa (and in your head).

Give yourself permission to come first, even if the narcissist throws a hissy fit. That’s not drama—it’s progress.

And don’t be surprised when your newfound confidence throws them off their game. You’ve spent enough time playing understudy.

Curtain up: your starring role awaits.