Ever get the feeling your relationship is less romantic partnership and more high-stakes chess match—with you stuck as the pawn and your partner gleefully swapping between king, queen, and omnipotent game master?

Welcome to the world of narcissistic manipulation. Pour yourself a cuppa (or something stronger), and let’s see if those suspicions are more than just a passing hunch.

1 You Only Exist When They Need Something

Notice how your phone only lights up when they’re hungry, bored, or need a ride to the airport at 6 a.m.?

During big moments in your life—raises, family drama, that time you accidentally microwaved metal—they’re less visible than a Wi-Fi signal in the outback.

Narcissists love to pop in when it suits them, making grand entrances for their own benefit. When you need support, suddenly they’re “really swamped at work” or “didn’t see your message.”

Spoiler alert: You’re not their partner, you’re their portable, all-in-one resource center.

2 Grand Gestures, Then Radio Silence

If your relationship feels like an all-you-can-eat buffet of affection one day, followed by a famine the next, you might want to check the menu for manipulation.

Narcissists are masters of the love-bomb—showering you with gifts, attention, or even public declarations (hello, social media posts!)—just long enough to hook you in.

But once you’re basking in the glow of their praise, poof! Vanishing act. Your texts go unanswered, plans get “forgotten,” and you’re left wondering if you accidentally turned invisible.

It’s not you. It’s their way of reminding you who’s really in charge.

3 Your Wins Are Their Threats

Score a big promotion? Organize a killer party? Suddenly, your narcissistic partner morphs from loving sidekick to jealous villain.

The moment your star rises, they find ways to drag the spotlight right back onto themselves—either by minimizing your achievement (“That’s nice, but my day was even crazier…”) or by starting a crisis that needs your undivided attention.

Your success threatens their fragile ego, so expect emotional fireworks every time you shine. No wonder you’re exhausted after every small victory.

4 Apologies Are as Rare as Unicorns

If “I’m sorry” is less common than a solar eclipse in your relationship, you might be dealing with a narcissist. These folks are allergic to accountability.

Instead, they’ll twist reality, reinterpret events, or blame you for their lapses—because clearly, you’re the reason they forgot your birthday, right?

Genuine remorse? Don’t hold your breath. You’re more likely to see them join a yoga class than admit fault.

5 Boundaries Are Optional (For Them)

Set a simple boundary—say, “Please don’t read my texts”—and watch as they steamroll right over it. In their world, your needs are suggestions, not rules. Your time, privacy, and emotional energy are all up for grabs, whenever they please.

Try enforcing those boundaries and you’ll be met with guilt trips, anger, or the classic, “I just love you so much, I can’t help myself!” Sure.

6 Your Opinions Get the Rolling Eye

Share a thought, preference, or feeling, and brace yourself for the dismissive smirk, eye roll, or outright lecture on why your take is “wrong.”

Healthy relationships thrive on mutual respect, but a narcissist’s ego can’t handle competition—not even from the person they claim to love.

Disagree with them? You’ll be accused of being “too sensitive” or “overreacting.” Good news: You’re not too sensitive, you’re just not a robot.

7 Drama Follows Them Like a Lost Puppy

Every week brings a fresh crisis: a feud with a friend, a workplace “betrayal,” a neighbor who “hates” them for no reason. Spot the pattern?

The narcissist stirs the pot, then drags you in to be their tireless counselor, fixer, or emotional punching bag.

Before you know it, your own needs have been buried under an avalanche of their melodrama. Suddenly, your stress levels are up and your me-time is down. Coincidence? Not quite.

8 Emotional Blackmail Is Their Go-To Move

Ever felt guilt-tripped for saying no, or threatened with a breakup if you don’t shape up? Welcome to the flagship narcissist tactic: emotional blackmail.

From vague threats (“Maybe we shouldn’t even be together…”) to crocodile tears, they’ll do whatever it takes to keep you in line.

True love isn’t conditional. If your partner uses your fears and insecurities to control you, it’s not love—it’s manipulation with a cherry on top.

9 You’re Anxious, Confused, and Always Second-Guessing

Ever find yourself obsessing over texts, replaying conversations, or wondering if you’re the “crazy” one? Narcissists are expert gaslighters, subtly twisting facts, denying things they’ve said, or making you feel like your feelings are invalid.

You end up walking on eggshells, constantly doubting your gut. Here’s a secret: healthy relationships don’t leave you feeling like you need a therapist on speed dial.

Recognizing the Game (and Rewriting the Rules)

Realizing you’ve been cast as a pawn in someone else’s self-serving chess match is a brutal wake-up call. The good news? Pawns can walk off the board.

You’re allowed to want respect, honesty, and genuine care. You’re even allowed to want a partner who remembers your birthday without you writing it on their forehead.

Even small steps—telling a trusted friend, setting firmer boundaries, reading up on narcissism, or quietly planning your next moves—can pry you free from the narcissist’s grip.

If you’re feeling lost, don’t hesitate to reach out to a therapist or support network. Sometimes, the best game plan is knowing you deserve to play on your own terms.

After all, you’re nobody’s pawn—unless you’re talking about chess night at the community center.

And even then, you’d better be aiming for queen.