9 Signs You’re Dating a Narcissist

Dating: where hope springs eternal, wallets get lighter, and sometimes, you find yourself wondering if your partner is starring in their own reality show—one where you’re the unwitting sidekick.

If you’ve ever walked away from a date feeling like you’ve just been run over by a glittery bulldozer of charm and chaos, there’s a chance you’re entangled with a narcissist.

Don’t panic. You’re not alone, and you don’t need to move into a yurt just yet.

Here are nine glaring, flashing-neon signs that might explain why your relationship feels more Hunger Games than rom-com.

1. They’re Always the Star of Their Own Movie

Every conversation circles back to them like a homing pigeon hopped up on espresso. You could share that you got promoted at work, and suddenly you’re listening to a twenty-minute TED Talk about their third-grade spelling bee triumph.

This isn’t just garden-variety self-absorption. Narcissists crave admiration the way toddlers crave sugar.

If your partner’s empathy is as rare as a unicorn at a petrol station, and you can practically see the thought bubble over their head reading, “Back to me, please,” it’s a clue.

2. The Charm Offensive Never Ends (Until It Does)

Remember those first few dates, when they brought you flowers, remembered your cat’s birthday, and laughed at all your jokes—even the ones about tax returns?

That’s not just enthusiasm; it’s the famous narcissistic love-bombing phase.

Suddenly, it stops. Instead of texts that make your phone overheat, you get the cold shoulder because you dared to suggest watching a film they didn’t pick. The charm wasn’t romance; it was a sales pitch.

3. Boundaries? Never Heard of Them

A narcissist can sniff out boundaries like a bloodhound, and then trample right over them. Maybe you mention needing a night to yourself.

Next thing you know, they’ve shown up uninvited, brandishing takeaway and making you feel guilty for “pushing them away.”

Healthy relationships thrive on mutual respect. If your partner acts like your time, privacy, or body are theirs by right, it’s not just clingy—it’s controlling.

4. The Blame Thrower Is Always Locked and Loaded

Ever tried to talk through an issue, only to end up apologising for something you didn’t actually do? That’s narcissist magic at work. They can flip a script faster than a barista can froth milk.

You’ll notice that mistakes are always someone else’s fault. If your feelings get hurt, it’s because you’re “too sensitive.” If they mess up, it’s society/traffic/your ex’s fault. Accountability is for mere mortals.

5. They’re All Talk, No Walk

Promises come easy to a narcissist. They’ll swear up and down that they’ll call, show up, remember your anniversary next time, quit the bad habit, or finally meet your mates.

But action? That’s a whole different postcode. There’s always an excuse—usually one that, oddly enough, also paints them as the victim. If you’re starting to feel like the only adult in the relationship, it’s not your imagination.

6. Emotional Rollercoasters Are the Default Setting

Ever notice how one minute your partner is showering you with affection, and the next, they’re giving you the silent treatment for forgetting to buy oat milk? Welcome to the narcissist’s theme park, where drama is always on tap.

The highs are dizzying. The lows are confusing. You end up tiptoeing around, desperate for another hit of that early-days adoration.

It’s exhausting for a reason: it’s designed to keep you guessing—and craving their approval.

7. They Struggle to Celebrate You

In normal relationships, your wins are shared wins. Land a new job? Friends pop the champagne. Kick a bad habit? Your partner is your loudest cheerleader.

Narcissists see your success as competition. They’ll downplay your achievement, change the subject, or find a way to make it about themselves.

If your big moments always end in their minor sulk, it’s not bad luck—it’s narcissism.

8. Empathy Is Always on Holiday

Empathy isn’t just for social workers and folks who rescue hedgehogs. In a healthy relationship, both partners want to understand each other’s feelings.

Narcissists, on the other hand, treat empathy like a broken umbrella: occasionally mentioned, never used. Share your worries and you’ll get a blank stare, a dismissive shrug, or an unsolicited lecture on how they have it harder.

Emotional intimacy? Good luck finding it.

9. Gaslighting Becomes Routine

If you’ve ever second-guessed your own memory, feelings, or sanity after a chat with your partner, gaslighting might be in play. “That never happened,” they’ll insist, or “You’re imagining things.”

Over time, you find yourself questioning the very things you know to be true.

This isn’t just annoying—it’s insidious. Gaslighting erodes your confidence and makes it easier for a narcissist to stay in control. If every argument ends with you doubting yourself, you’re not “crazy.”

Someone’s flipping the lights off on purpose.

Surviving the Narcissist’s Maze

Spotting these signs isn’t about ticking boxes or diagnosing your other half. It’s about tuning into how you feel. If you’re constantly on eggshells, feeling small, or like your needs always come last, something’s out of balance.

If you recognise these red flags, don’t rush to self-blame or try to win the narcissist’s approval with a PowerPoint presentation on empathy.

Narcissists rarely change—at least, not because someone else wants them to—and your job isn’t to be their therapist. There are therapists for that, and even they take holidays.

Focus on protecting your emotional well-being. Talk to friends who actually listen.

Seek support from a professional if things get really tangled. Most importantly, remember your own worth—even if your partner never will.

If you’ve spotted a few too many of these signs, it might be time to lay down the rose-tinted glasses and pick up your dignity.

Life’s too short to be a supporting character in someone else’s blockbuster.

And hey, the popcorn’s better on the outside.