7 Ways to Slow Down a Rushing Narcissist

Ever feel like you’re on the back of a runaway horse when dealing with a narcissist? Maybe you barely get your coat off before they’re dragging you into their next big plan—usually involving themselves as the star of the show.

When a narcissist is in a rush, it’s not just about time. It’s about control, attention, and making sure their needs are met—immediately, if not sooner.

If you’re weary of being swept up in their whirlwind, you’re not alone. Here’s how you can pop the brakes and regain a bit of sanity, without turning your relationship into an episode of “Survivor: Narcissist Edition.”

1. Master the Art of the Polite Pause

Narcissists love momentum. The faster things go, the less time anyone has to poke holes in their plans or ask awkward questions like, “Wait, didn’t you say the opposite yesterday?”

Slowing them down means learning to wield the pause like a Jedi wields a lightsaber.

Try this: when the narcissist barrels in with another “urgent” agenda, don’t immediately respond. Take a sip of your tea, glance at your phone, or pretend you’re pondering the meaning of life (or just tonight’s dinner).

Even a few seconds of silence can be surprisingly effective at disrupting their tempo.

Awkward silences aren’t just for dinner with the in-laws—they’re your secret weapon.

2. Ask Open-Ended Questions

Nothing throws a narcissist off their stride quite like a question that requires a thought-out answer. The simple “Why do you feel that’s urgent?” or “How would that work for everyone else?” can nudge them off script.

Open-ended questions force the narcissist to slow down and actually consider what’s being discussed, which isn’t exactly their favorite pastime.

You may get some word salad at first, but with a bit of gentle persistence, you’ll see them start to falter—just a little. That’s your cue to keep digging.

Think of it as conversational molasses. The more they have to explain, the less they can bulldoze.

3. Set Boundaries Like a Pro

Boundaries are the speed bumps on the narcissist’s Autobahn. The trick is to set them clearly, calmly, and without apology.

If you need time to decide on something, say so. If you’re not comfortable with a rushed commitment, state it outright: “I appreciate your enthusiasm, but I need a night to think about it.”

Resist the urge to over-explain or justify—short, clear statements work wonders.

You might encounter pushback, possibly even a dramatic sigh or two. Stand firm. Consistency is your ally here, even when you feel like a broken record.

4. Use the Calendar as Your Shield

When a narcissist is in full gallop, “now” is their favorite word. Scheduling is your best friend.

Suggest setting a specific time to discuss or decide: “Let’s put it on the calendar for tomorrow.” Or, “I’ll be ready to talk about this next week.”

This doesn’t just buy you time—it also subtly signals that your schedule matters too. If you’re not available on their timeline, that’s not your problem to fix.

Calendars don’t lie. And they don’t rush (unless you ask them nicely).

5. Don’t Feed the Urgency Monster

A narcissist’s sense of urgency is often manufactured. Is it really vital that you RSVP to their cousin’s dog’s birthday party this second? Or could the world survive until you’ve had some toast?

When faced with a frantic demand, check your own stress level.

If you’re feeling panicked, take a step back. Remind yourself that most “emergencies” aren’t actually emergencies—they’re just theatrics.

Respond with calm: “This isn’t urgent for me. I’ll get back to you when I can.” Watch as the urgency monster shrinks down to kitten size. (Okay, maybe a slightly annoyed kitten.)

6. Mirror Back Their Words—Gently

Sometimes, a narcissist doesn’t realize just how rushed they sound.

Repeat their statements back in your own words, slowly and calmly: “You’re saying you want to quit your job, move to Bali, and start a smoothie empire by next week?” Pause, and wait for their reaction.

This gentle mirroring can jolt them into hearing themselves. It’s not about mocking or imitating—think of it as holding up a verbal mirror.

You’re giving them a chance to reflect, even if they only glimpse themselves for a second.

This also buys you a moment to gather your thoughts (or text your best mate for moral support).

7. Keep Your Own Goals Front and Center

When you’re constantly being hustled along by someone else’s agenda, your own priorities tend to get trampled. Plant your flag. Remind yourself (and sometimes the narcissist) of what matters most to you.

If they try to rush you into a decision, bring the conversation back to your needs: “I hear what you want, but here’s what I need right now.”

Self-advocacy can be uncomfortable—especially if you’ve gotten used to being steamrolled—but it’s essential for slowing things down.

You aren’t a side character in someone else’s highlight reel. Your time, energy, and peace of mind are worth protecting.

When the Speeding Stops

Relating to a narcissist can often feel like being swept down a river without a paddle, but you’re not powerless. Each of these techniques is a way to drop an anchor, even if only for a minute.

Expect some resistance—narcissists are allergic to losing momentum—but stick with it.

Slowing down the rush isn’t just about avoiding another wild ride. It’s about reclaiming your own rhythm, one pause, one question, one boundary at a time.

And if all else fails? Remember, even wild horses get tired eventually.

You deserve a relationship that moves at a pace you can actually enjoy—preferably with your shoes on and your dignity intact.