7 Signs He’s a Narcissist on the First Date
First dates: that magical, sweaty-palmed intersection of anxiety and optimism, where you pray your deodorant outlasts both your dessert and your patience.
In the thick of giddy nerves and the hopeful flicker of new beginnings, it can be tricky to spot the warning signs you’re sitting across from someone whose favorite subject is, well, himself.
But sometimes, all it takes is a single evening and a basket of breadsticks to spot a narcissist in the wild.
Pour yourself a glass (or three) of something calming, and let’s go through the signs—before you find yourself ghosting a guy who’s still texting you pictures of his biceps.
1. The Monologue Olympics
A first date conversation should bounce back and forth. His life, your life. His embarrassing gym story, your tragic attempt at yoga.
But with a narcissist, the conversation feels less like tennis and more like watching a one-man play—starring him, written by him, directed (naturally) by him.
He’ll regale you with tales of his “insane” work ethic, his adventurous holidays (which may sound suspiciously lifted from an influencer’s highlight reel), and the number of times a “random stranger” told him he should be a model.
Questions about your life tend to fall into a black hole or return with a “That reminds me of the time I…” detour.
Did you manage to share more than your name and the fact you love dogs? If not, you might be applauding a performance worthy of a standing ovation—just not a second date.
2. Compliments That Double as Commercials
Everyone likes flattery, especially when it doesn’t come with a side of self-promotion. But a narcissist’s compliments come with a neon asterisk.
Pay attention: is he charmingly attentive—or just selling you his personal brand?
He might say things like, “You’re lucky to be out with a guy like me, most women would kill for this chance.”
If you get praise, it’s often tied back to how great he is for noticing your qualities, or how the two of you look like a “power couple” (after learning your last name, mind you).
When a compliment feels more like a sales pitch, treat your next move like a savvy shopper: politely decline the extended warranty.
3. Zero Genuine Curiosity
Healthy dates brim with curiosity—those small, genuine questions that show someone’s actually interested.
But if your date’s idea of asking about you is, “So, what do you do?” before promptly sharing his “vision board,” there’s a red flag waving somewhere.
After giving a brief summary of your job or hobby, does he listen, or just nod until it’s time to redirect to his latest conquest? When he responds, are his questions surface-level or do they dig any deeper than a puddle after a spring sprinkle?
If you leave the date feeling like you could’ve been replaced by a cardboard cutout for all he noticed, it’s probably not just nerves. Some folks simply aren’t interested in anyone whose name isn’t followed by “mirror.”
4. The Grandiosity Parade
Confidence is attractive. Over-the-top boasting isn’t—unless you’ve got a secret bingo card filled with “private jet,” “started a tech company in year ten,” and “VIP at [insert club you’ve never heard of].”
Narcissists can’t resist inflating their achievements like a kid with a balloon pump. Maybe he’s dropping names like a magician with slippery cards.
Maybe his “humble” stories involve expensive watches, exes who were “obsessed” with him, or tales of how every boss wanted to promote him.
If you’re mentally calculating how many hours he’s spent in the orbit of greatness (and how few minutes are left on your parking meter), don’t ignore your gut. Real charm doesn’t require a spotlight and a megaphone.
5. Subtle (or Not-So-Subtle) Put-Downs
Snarky banter can be fun—if it’s mutual and playful. But narcissists have a knack for peppering conversation with digs that leave you blinking in confusion.
Maybe it’s a backhanded compliment about your outfit, or an “innocent” joke about your taste in food, films, or the fact you use an Android.
The worst offenders will dress these up as wit: “I’m just teasing, you have to be able to laugh at yourself!” You’ll find yourself wondering if you should laugh along or quietly Google “polite ways to escape through a bathroom window.”
Ask yourself: do you feel subtly diminished? Are you second-guessing details you were confident about that morning? If the answer is yes, that’s not banter—it’s the opening act of erosion.
6. Rules Don’t Apply to Him
Narcissists are allergic to boundaries, especially ones that don’t serve them.
Anything from arriving late with a breezy excuse to dismissing your food allergy as “probably not that bad” can signal that your comfort, schedule, and basic needs come second to his whims.
Watch for the tell-tale signs: ordering for you without asking, steering every conversation (even with the waiter) back to himself, or simply ignoring your opinions about where to go next.
Sometimes, it’s subtler: he’ll charm the hostess into a better table, but not bother introducing you.
If you end the night feeling like a prop in his one-man show, don’t blame the script—ditch the leading man.
7. Fast-Forwarding Intimacy
Narcissists are the Michael Phelps of moving things along—emotionally, physically, or both. By the second drink, he’s envisioning your future together (and possibly naming your hypothetical children).
He might declare you’re “so special,” “unlike anyone else,” or “meant to be.” Sound flattering? Sure. Sound familiar to anyone who’s been love-bombed? Absolutely.
Love-bombing is a classic narcissist move. The goal is to sweep you up in a whirlwind of affection, praise, and promises, only to leave you wondering what happened when the attention dries up.
If a near stranger is talking soulmates before the dessert menu arrives, slow your roll. “Instant connection” can be code for “instant regret.”
Spotting the Signs Isn’t Paranoia—It’s Self-Preservation
First dates are supposed to be awkward, funny, and sometimes a little weird. But when you notice these seven signs lining up like ducks at the local pond, don’t brush them off as “just nerves” or try to rationalize away your discomfort.
Trust your instincts.
If the evening leaves you feeling invisible, confused, or slightly dazzled and very overwhelmed, it’s okay to step back, thank your lucky stars you only invested a night, and give your best mate a laugh reliving the highlights over brunch.
Narcissists thrive on attention, but you don’t have to be the audience. Hold out for someone who’s as interested in your story as he is in telling his own.
And if all else fails, at least you got a cracking story—and possibly a free breadstick.
Who knows? The next first date might just feature an actual conversation. Wouldn’t that be nice?
