7 Signs a Narcissist is Lying About Love

Ah, love. The four-letter word that can send your heart soaring or make you question your life choices at 2 a.m. over a cold cuppa.

When Cupid’s arrow hits, it’s meant to feel exhilarating—not confusing, exhausting, and suspiciously like you’re starring in a one-person psychological thriller. But not all love is created equal, especially when a narcissist is involved.

Here’s a handy field guide for anyone who’s ever lain awake wondering whether their partner’s sweet nothings are actually nothings at all.

Let’s cut through the drama and spot the seven telltale signs a narcissist is lying about love.

1. Blame Shifting Instead of Accountability

Ask a narcissist about their last relationship and watch the performance unfold. Suddenly you’re regaled with tales of crazy exes, incompetent colleagues, and meddling mothers.

Notice how every problem is someone else’s fault? Amazing how the only thing they haven’t blamed is solar flares.

When someone genuinely cares, they’ll own up when they mess up. But the narcissist’s preferred love language is “It Wasn’t Me.”

If you ever raise concerns, they’ll twist your words or blame your feelings—never their own actions. You’re left wondering if you’re the problem (spoiler: you’re probably not).

2. Grand Gestures but No Substance

Narcissists are the masters of the grand romantic gesture. Flowers, poems, rooftop dinners—sometimes all in the same week. It’s intoxicating at first, like being swept into a rom-com montage.

But look a bit closer. When the confetti settles, are their actions matching their words? Are they actually there when you need support, or just when there’s an audience?

If their love seems to come in Instagrammable highlights but disappears at the first real test, you’re watching a performance, not a partnership.

3. Inconsistencies in Their Stories

Trying to keep up with a narcissist’s version of events is like binge-watching a soap opera: plot twists everywhere, and none of them make sense.

One day, their childhood was idyllic. The next, they survived a Dickensian nightmare.

If you’re catching them out in little white lies or noticing that their backstories change more often than your phone background, trust your gut. Confusion is not a natural side effect of healthy love.

It’s more of a red flag waving for your attention.

4. Love Bombing Followed by Cruelty

At first, it’s all declarations of undying devotion. Texts all day, surprise gifts, future plans you didn’t even know you agreed to. Fast forward a few weeks or months, and the temperature drops.

That adoration is suddenly replaced by criticism, coldness, or outright contempt.

This hot-and-cold routine isn’t normal relationship ups and downs—it’s manipulation.

Narcissists use love bombing to reel you in and keep you off-balance so you’ll stay invested, even when they start treating you badly. The whiplash isn’t in your head.

5. Deflection When Confronted

Confront a narcissist about the gaps between their words and actions, and prepare yourself for the verbal gymnastics routine of a lifetime. They’ll change the subject, turn the accusation back on you, or accuse you of being paranoid.

Instead of discussing your concerns, you’re suddenly apologizing for having feelings, or worse, for even asking questions. If every attempt at honest communication turns into a circus, you’re not being heard—you’re being managed.

6. Emotional Vacuum in Difficult Times

Challenging moments are when love gets real. Maybe you’re sick, stressed, or just had a rubbish day. Does your partner show up with kindness and empathy, or do they vanish faster than your motivation on a Monday morning?

Narcissists are present when it serves them, but empathy isn’t really their thing. If you notice that your emotional needs are met with boredom, impatience, or silence, it’s not love—it’s self-interest wearing a Valentine’s Day disguise.

7. Exaggerated Promises with Zero Delivery

Grand plans, anyone? The narcissist can paint a future fit for a Netflix finale: vacations, shared homes, mutual dreams.

But when it’s time to actually book that trip, move in together, or make any real commitment, excuses flow like cheap wine at a wedding.

Watch for the gap between what they promise and what they actually do. Consistency is the currency of genuine love. When talk is cheap and action is non-existent, their feelings probably are too.

Trusting Your Gut and Reclaiming Your Power

Real love won’t leave you confused, anxious, or scrambling for explanations. If any of these signs are setting off alarm bells, it’s not because you’re too sensitive or needy. It’s because something doesn’t add up.

Your gut is smarter than you think (and not just about dodgy takeaway). If you’ve spotted these behaviours, the most loving thing you can do is show yourself compassion. Set boundaries.

Seek support from people who have your back. Remind yourself: healthy love doesn’t leave you guessing.

And if you find yourself tempted to believe the narcissist’s latest round of sweet talk, remember—words are easy.

Real love is shown in how someone treats you after the confetti’s cleared. Don’t settle for stories when you deserve substance.