7 Secret Preparations Before Leaving a Narcissist

Leaving a narcissist isn’t like breaking up with your university boyfriend who forgot your birthday. It’s more like trying to sneak out of a lion’s enclosure—while the lion’s watching you pack.

If you’re contemplating your escape from someone who thinks the sun shines specifically for them, you’ll need more than just your suitcase and a playlist of empowering breakup songs.

Here’s what you’ll want quietly lined up before you even hint at running for freedom.

1. Hidden Stash of Documentation

Narcissists don’t exactly believe in fair play, and they definitely don’t care for your receipts—unless they can use them against you.

Before you make your move, squirrel away all personal documents: passport, birth certificate, marriage license, financial records, even your old school certificates (yes, they might come up, especially if children or property are involved).

Photocopy everything. Store copies with a trusted friend or in a cloud account they definitely can’t access. If you share devices, log out of everything and clear your history like a teenager whose parents just walked in.

This isn’t being paranoid—this is playing the game with both eyes open.

2. Secret Emergency Fund

Narcissists and money: name a messier duo. If your partner controls the purse strings or “advises” you on how to spend your own hard-earned cash, it’s time to get creative.

Stash small amounts somewhere safe and undetectable. Open a bank account in your name only, at a different bank if you have to. Bonus points if they don’t even know this bank exists (the “oh, this old thing?” trick works for accounts too).

Collect spare cash, gift cards, or even valuable items you could sell quietly if things get tight. Don’t underestimate the power of a rainy-day fund. You’re not plotting a heist; you’re investing in your own sanity.

3. Ironclad Tech and Digital Security

When it comes to snooping, a narcissist could give MI5 a run for their money. If you’re planning to leave, assume your devices are fair game.

Change every password—yes, even the one you think they’ll never guess because it’s your second cousin’s hamster’s birthday.

Turn on two-factor authentication for your email and social media. Set up a brand-new email account for planning your exit. Update privacy settings on everything.

Log out of shared devices, and while you’re at it, check for tracking apps or spyware. If that sounds a bit CSI: Relationship Edition, welcome to the club.

4. Trusted Support System

You might feel like you’re on a lonely island of confusion and self-doubt, but it’s time to start building bridges to the mainland. Quietly reconnect with friends or family you trust.

Clue them in—not to stir up a rescue mission, but so they can offer a safe place to vent, crash, or just eat chocolate and binge-watch TV shows with you.

If your narcissist partner has isolated you socially, even a local women’s group, therapist, or support hotline can be a lifeline. You’re not overreacting or being dramatic.

Everyone needs a backup team, especially when the opposition has an ego the size of the moon.

5. Clever Exit Strategy

This isn’t just about which suitcase to use, but about planning when and how you’ll leave. Pick a time when the narcissist is least likely to be around or able to interfere.

Got a friend with a spare bed, or a relative they never visit? Even short-term plans are better than winging it.

Map out your route—yes, really. If you’re worried about being followed or having your location tracked, switch off location services, leave your phone behind, or grab a cheap burner for emergencies.

If there are kids, pets, or Great-Aunt Mildred’s prized teacup involved, have a plan for them too. The more you prepare, the less you’ll have to improvise.

6. Legal Know-How in Your Back Pocket

Narcissists love to threaten legal Armageddon, sometimes just for fun. Before leaving, quietly consult with a lawyer or a local domestic abuse agency.

Some offer free advice and can walk you through your rights, the paperwork you’ll need, and what to expect.

If you’ve got joint property, children, or shared debts, get the facts before you start the conversation about leaving. Take screenshots of nasty texts or emails—they’re not just for commiserating with mates; they might come in handy later.

This isn’t about stirring up drama, but about knowing where you stand when the dust settles.

7. Emotional Armor

No one leaves a narcissist unscathed, but you don’t have to walk out feeling like a soggy tissue. While you’re plotting your exit, start rebuilding your sense of self, one brick at a time.

Journal your thoughts, talk to a therapist, or just remind yourself of all the times you’ve survived tough stuff before. Little reminders that you’re not the crazy one? Priceless.

Expect guilt trips, love bombing, threats, or sudden promises of change. This is the narcissist special—don’t RSVP. Surround yourself with people who tell you the truth, not what you want to hear.

Keep your boundaries, your head high, and your exit playlist ready.

After the Escape: What Comes Next

You made it. Now what? The days after leaving will be a mixed bag: relief, fear, anger, maybe even missing them (don’t beat yourself up for that one—it’s normal).

The most important thing is to keep your support network close. Don’t respond to baiting texts or guilt trips. If you feel wobbly, remember why you left in the first place.

Give yourself permission to grieve, to celebrate, and to take up space again—your space, not the one they carved out for you. Therapy helps, friends help, and sometimes, ice cream helps too.

Whatever you do, never doubt that preparing quietly and leaving smart wasn’t just brave—it was brilliant.

And if anyone tells you it was easy? Politely roll your eyes and ask them to lend you their time machine.

You’ve got this.