7 Narcissist Tactics to Turn Your Kids Against You

Ever tried co-parenting with a narcissist? It’s a bit like building a sandcastle with a toddler nearby—your best efforts will be destroyed, and you’ll probably get sand kicked in your face for good measure.

When a narcissistic ex sets their sights on your relationship with your kids, you may start to feel like you’re stuck in an episode of a very petty soap opera.

Here’s how these tactics play out—and what you can actually do about them.

1 Playing the Victim to Perfection

Narcissists love a good sob story where they land the starring role as the world’s most misunderstood parent. They’ll regale your kids with tales of how hard life has been since you “abandoned” them, all while strategically dabbing away invisible tears.

Kids are emotional sponges, soaking up every detail. If your child comes home talking about how lonely their other parent is, it’s tempting to roll your eyes so hard you sprain something. Resist.

Instead, show consistent, calm empathy. Gently remind your kids that adults are responsible for their own feelings and choices. They don’t need to fix anyone else’s sadness—least of all, a grown adult’s.

2 Spreading Half-Truths and Whoppers

The narcissist’s toolkit is stocked with misinformation, creative omissions, and flat-out lies.

“Your mum doesn’t really care about you, she just has to see you because the court says so.” Or perhaps, “Dad could afford to take you on holiday if he actually wanted to.” There’s no allegation too bizarre if it serves their agenda.

Trying to “clear your name” by countering every story is a never-ending game of emotional Whac-A-Mole. Instead, give your kids steady, honest information.

Answer questions simply, without giving a full legal briefing, and keep your focus on your own relationship rather than correcting every rumor. Kids eventually notice who’s trustworthy.

3 Manufacturing Loyalty Tests

One week, your child is asked to keep a secret. Next, they’re invited to “choose” which parent is more fun, more loving, more deserving.

This is the narcissist’s twisted version of family game night: pitting you and your child against each other for maximum drama.

Call it out—with kid-sized language. “It’s okay to love both your parents,” works wonders. Remind your child that loyalty isn’t a contest, and they don’t have to pick sides.

Bonus points if you can say it without rolling your eyes at the absurdity.

4 Love Bombing with Gifts and Promises

Suddenly, someone’s turned into the Tooth Fairy on payday. New gadgets, outings, surprise trips—the works. The narcissist isn’t just being generous; they’re buttering your kid up like a scone.

Material bribes can be tough to compete with, especially if you’re the one providing stability instead of PlayStations. Don’t start buying your way back into your kid’s heart. Instead, stay steady.

Offer your presence and emotional support, even if you can’t provide matching sports cars. Kids crave authentic connection, even if they don’t turn down the latest phone.

5 Undermining Your Authority at Every Turn

The narcissist’s mission? To make you look like the Grinch who stole fun.

“Oh, your mum won’t let you see that movie? She’s just overprotective.” Or, “Dad says you can’t have sweets? He’s no fun, is he?” Every boundary you set is turned into proof of how unreasonable you are.

Consistency is your friend here. Keep your boundaries clear, and when your kids question them (and they will), calmly explain your reasoning. “I know it’s annoying when I say no, but my job is to keep you safe and healthy.”

Deliver with a straight face, and maybe a biscuit for morale.

6 Isolating Kids from Your Support System

Narcissists don’t just want to be the favorite parent—they want to be the only parent, or at least the only one that matters.

Watch for subtle moves: discouraging visits with your family, badmouthing your friends, or making your child feel guilty for enjoying time away from them.

Keep your child’s village alive. Plan time with extended family and trusted friends, even if the other parent grumbles.

Share positive stories about your loved ones and encourage your child to maintain those bonds. Community matters—a lot.

7 Gaslighting the Parent-Child Relationship

If you’ve ever been told, “That never happened” or “You’re just imagining things,” you’ve met gaslighting, narcissist-style.

These mind-bending moments are designed to make your child doubt their own memories and feelings—especially about you.

Reinforce reality with compassion. If your child is confused, listen without judgment. “I remember it differently, but I understand it’s hard when stories don’t match.”

The goal isn’t to win a debate, but to help your child trust their own experiences. One day, they’ll see who was playing mind games.

Winning Your Kid Back—No Magic Wand Required

Parenting alongside a narcissist won’t win you any medals for ease or glamour. If anything, it’ll test your patience, your boundaries, and your collection of stress-busting tea blends.

Still, these tactics share one fatal flaw: they rely on confusion and inconsistency. Kids need exactly the opposite.

Keep showing up, keep listening, keep loving. Establish routines your children can count on, model honesty, and invite open conversation (even when your inner voice is screaming).

Your child needs a safe base—a reminder that healthy love isn’t about manipulation, secrets, or competition.

And if you ever find yourself tempted to fight fire with fire, just remember: kids can spot a fake faster than a dodgy knock-off handbag.

Authentic connection always wins, even if it takes a little longer to show.

Patience, grit, and a well-timed eye roll—your secret weapons as you outlast narcissistic nonsense.

Hold on tight. Your kids are worth it.