7 Narcissist Phrases That Prove They’re Using You

If you’re reading this, odds are, someone in your life might be treating you like a prop in their one-person show. Not sure? Well, narcissists have a way with words.

Their signature phrases are as subtle as a marching band at midnight, and if you know what to listen for, their grand plan to make you the supporting character will sound loud and clear.

Ready for a reality check, served with a side of snark? Here are seven classic narcissist phrases that practically come with a warning label.

1. You’re Overreacting

Ah, the old chestnut. If you’ve ever been told you’re “overreacting” by someone who just crushed your boundaries like a toddler with a sandcastle, congratulations—you might be dealing with a narcissist.

This phrase isn’t just dismissive. It’s a way of flicking the reset button whenever you try to express, well, any emotion that doesn’t serve them.

Your feelings? Inconvenient. Your pain? Dramatic. The fact that they never text back but expect you to drop everything for their last-minute plans? Well, apparently you’re just being “sensitive.”

If your gut is telling you that something’s off and the response is “You’re overreacting,” trust yourself. Gaslighting is a narcissist’s favourite parlour trick.

If you keep hearing this, consider whether your partner is downplaying your needs to keep you compliant.

2. If You Loved Me, You Would…

Cue the emotional blackmail! This phrase is like a Swiss Army knife for manipulation: handy for every occasion.

Need you to skip work for their dentist appointment? “If you loved me, you would.” Want you to ignore your own friends? “If you loved me, you would.”

The implication here is that your love is constantly up for review—a carrot dangled just out of reach.

This isn’t love; it’s a test you can never pass. Real relationships aren’t built on ultimatums and guilt trips. If you keep hearing this phrase, ask yourself: Is this about love, or about keeping you tethered to their every whim?

3. I Guess I’m Just a Terrible Person

Classic move. When a narcissist senses that you might be onto them, out comes the martyr routine. They’ll twist the conversation so you end up reassuring them, instead of addressing the actual issue.

Suddenly, it’s all about their feelings (again) and you’re cast as the villain for daring to have needs. You could have simply asked them to do the dishes, and somehow it morphs into “I guess I’m just a terrible person.”

Don’t take the bait. This is a distraction technique. Empathy is healthy, but constant reassurance shouldn’t be the glue holding your relationship together.

4. No One Else Would Put Up With You

Here’s a phrase designed to shrink you down to size. Narcissists love to isolate you from your sense of self-worth, and this line is a fast-track ticket.

The message? You’re so “difficult,” so “flawed,” that only their infinite patience could ever tolerate you. It’s nonsense, of course, but the more you hear it, the more you start to wonder if maybe they’re right. (Spoiler: They’re not.)

Healthy love doesn’t rely on fear or scarcity. If a partner ever implies you’re lucky to have them because “no one else would put up with you,” take a long, loving look in the mirror—and then maybe at a therapist’s number.

5. Why Can’t You Ever Just Let Things Go

Translation: Please stop remembering all the ways I’ve hurt you, because it’s really killing my vibe here.

Narcissists want a clean slate—on their terms. Forget that they forgot your birthday, borrowed money “just until payday” and never repaid it, or publicly embarrassed you at dinner. “Can’t you ever let things go?”

Forgiveness is a virtue, but forgetting patterns of disrespect is a one-way ticket to doormat-ville.

If someone says this every time you bring up a valid concern, they’re more interested in erasing their track record than building a healthy relationship.

6. You’re Just Jealous / Insecure

Ever catch them texting their ex at midnight, only to be told that you’re just “jealous” or “insecure”? This phrase is designed to flip the script and put you on trial for crimes against trust.

Narcissists are allergic to accountability. If you question their behaviour, they’ll reframe it as your issue. The more you defend yourself, the more you seem unstable—at least, to them.

If you find yourself apologizing for feeling hurt, it’s time to pause. Relationship security is built on honesty, not on pretending that shady behaviour is normal.

7. I’ve Done So Much for You

Bring out the invisible ledger! This line gets thrown around when narcissists want credit for every nice thing they’ve ever done—usually when you’re asking for something reasonable.

“I’ve done so much for you,” often means, “Why are you not worshipping at the altar of my generosity?” Healthy relationships are about give and take, not keeping receipts for every cup of tea poured or ride to the airport.

Genuine kindness doesn’t come with a running invoice. If this phrase keeps cropping up, you’re not a partner—you’re a debtor.

What to Do When the Script Sounds Familiar

If these phrases are starting to sound like your daily soundtrack, it’s not your imagination. Narcissists excel at flipping reality to suit their needs. That doesn’t mean your story has to end with you as their favourite doormat.

Here’s what actually helps:

• Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries. The kind that don’t move just because someone throws a tantrum.
• A support squad. Friends, family, or professionals who can remind you what healthy love looks and feels like.
• Your own voice. If you’re constantly doubting your reality, spend time journaling or talking it out—your feelings are valid, full stop.

And above all: Don’t wait for a narcissist to wake up one day and decide to treat you like a human being.

Your needs matter, your feelings aren’t negotiable, and—contrary to popular narcissist belief—you’re not auditioning for the role of “most tolerant partner of the year.”

Go on, reclaim your starring role.

Rewriting Your Story, One Phrase at a Time

Every relationship has its rough patches—even the ones that aren’t controlled by someone with a PhD in self-absorption.

But if these phrases keep popping up, there’s one thing to remember: You’re allowed to expect respect. Standard decency isn’t a luxury or an act of charity.

Here’s to turning down the narcissist’s script and turning up your own. Because life’s too short to spend it backstage.

Curtain’s up. Your story awaits.