7 Narcissist’s Mind Games You’re Falling For

When it comes to dating (or surviving) a narcissist, you might think you’re too smart to get hoodwinked by their psychological party tricks. Alas, narcissists are master illusionists—David Copperfield wishes he had their sleight of hand.

Blink once, and suddenly you’re apologizing for breathing too loudly. Blink twice, and you’re wondering if you actually are the problem. It’s basically Hogwarts, but everyone’s miserable.

Ready to spot the smoke and mirrors? Here’s your decoder ring.

1. Gaslighting Olympics

Narcissists are not content with just disagreeing. No, they need to re-write reality, hand you the script, and then act shocked when you stutter through your own lines. Gaslighting is their gold-medal event.

You remember them saying something hurtful last night. They say, “That never happened, you’re imagining things.” Suddenly, you’re replaying the moment in your head, doubting your senses, and Googling early-onset memory loss.

This isn’t forgetfulness, it’s a Jedi mind trick—“These aren’t the droids you’re looking for.”

The antidote? Keep a log. The Notes app on your phone can be your best mate.

If you find yourself apologizing for things you’re certain you didn’t do, it’s not because you’re suddenly starring in a Black Mirror episode—it’s because you’re being gaslit.

2. The Hot and Cold Shuffle

If narcissists had a theme song, it would be “Should I Stay or Should I Go?” played on loop. Their affection feels like a prize you win at a dodgy carnival—one minute you’re queen of their universe, next you’re persona non grata.

One day, they’re bombarding you with sweet nothings, making you feel like the lead in a rom-com. The next, you’re met with radio silence or, worse, attitude colder than a penguin’s backside.

This push-pull sends your nervous system into overdrive and keeps you chasing the highs.

How to stop riding their emotional rollercoaster? Anchor your self-worth somewhere other than their ever-changing moods. Make plans with friends. Pick up that hobby you’ve shelved.

Treat their attention like weather forecasts—sometimes sunny, sometimes not, but never the centre of your daily schedule.

3. The Blame Boomerang

Somehow, a narcissist’s mistakes have your name on them. They forget your birthday? “Well, you didn’t remind me.” They flirt with a server at dinner? “You’re too sensitive.” Suddenly, you’re apologizing for their behaviour.

This mind game works because, deep down, you want to be fair and reasonable. Unfortunately, fairness is to narcissists what garlic is to vampires.

Their secret weapon: flipping every situation until you’re holding the apology bouquet.

Catch yourself about to say “I’m sorry” for something that isn’t your mess? Take a beat. Ask yourself: “Is this really mine to own?” If the answer is “no”—and it usually is—leave the bouquet on the table.

4. The Silent Treatment Masterclass

Narcissists can weaponize silence better than any parent of a screaming toddler in a supermarket. Suddenly, they’re giving you the cold shoulder, not returning texts, or acting like you’re invisible in your own home. Cue the anxiety spiral.

What’s it about? Control. They want you to squirm, beg, or at least wonder what fresh hell you’ve unleashed. And when you cave, apologizing for some imaginary infraction, they get their fix of power.

Resist the urge to break the silence. Let them stew. Go about your day, chat with your mates, enjoy time alone. Their silence loses its sting when you stop dancing to the beat of their sulking.

5. Playing the Victim

Every narcissist fancies themselves the underdog in a soap opera that only airs in their head. Somehow, no matter what happens, they’re the aggrieved party.

Stomp on your feelings? “I’ve had a hard day!” Ignore your needs? “You’re so demanding!” The self-pity is practically Olympic-level.

Why does this work? Compassionate partners rush in to comfort, defuse, or explain away the narcissist’s behaviour. The result: your hurt goes unaddressed while they bask in martyrdom.

Try this instead: acknowledge their feelings (if you must), then shift focus back to the actual issue. Example: “I’m sorry you had a rough day, but what about what happened earlier?” Don’t let your empathy get used as a doormat.

6. Love Bombing and Devaluation

At the start, you’re treated like royalty—daily texts, gifts, life-sized gestures that put Nicholas Sparks to shame. This “love bombing” is as addictive as a bottomless brunch.

But once you’re hooked, the compliments dry up, replaced by criticism or indifference.

This whiplash is designed to keep you craving the high of their approval, much like an emotional slot machine. Hit jackpot, hit nothing, repeat. Your self-esteem becomes a yo-yo.

Healthy love isn’t measured in grand gestures followed by emotional starvation. Pay attention to consistency, not drama. Reliable affection beats fireworks that fizzle out and leave you in the dark.

7. Triangulation Tactics

Nothing spices up a relationship like a third wheel—at least, that’s the narcissist’s philosophy. They drop a casual, “My ex never complained about this,” or seem just a tad too close with someone else.

You’re suddenly in a competition you never signed up for.

Triangulation is designed to make you jealous, insecure, and scrambling for their approval. It’s emotional musical chairs, but every chair is wobbly and the music never stops.

Remind yourself that comparison is the thief of joy—and also a favourite tool of narcissists.

Don’t take the bait. Speak up about what makes you uncomfortable and refuse to fight for a prize that shouldn’t need defending.

No More Smoke and Mirrors

Narcissist mind games can leave you doubting your memory, your worth, and even your sanity. Recognizing these tricks is the first step to stepping out of the funhouse.

Ready to put their magic show out of business? Trust your instincts. Set clear boundaries. If you catch yourself wondering when the next trick is coming, it might be time to exit stage left.

And if you need a reminder—healthy love doesn’t make you feel like you’re auditioning for the role of Villain, Victim, and Magician’s Assistant all at once.

You deserve better than mind games—promise.