7 Narcissist’s Excuses That Keep You Trapped in Limbo

Ever feel like you’re stuck in a relationship holding pattern, circling the runway but never quite landing? Narcissists are masters at serving up excuses so convincing you start to question your own sanity.

Suddenly, your boundaries feel more like suggestions, and your standards? Well, they’ve probably packed their bags and left the building.

Here’s a breakdown of the greatest hits from the narcissist playlist—the classic excuses that keep you doing the emotional hokey pokey, one foot in, one foot out, and your brain in knots.

1. I’m Just a Passionate Person

Cue the dramatic hand gestures and references to “fiery personalities.” If you’ve ever tried to express hurt or disappointment and been met with, “I just care so much.

Maybe you just aren’t used to someone who feels things deeply,” congratulations, you’re being serenaded by excuse number one.

Passion is lovely—in moderation. But when every outburst, silent treatment, or emotional explosion gets waved away as “passion,” what you’ve really got is a permission slip for bad behavior.

The narcissist wants you to accept drama as a sign of love, rather than a red flag flapping violently in the breeze.

Take a step back. Real passion doesn’t need to leave a trail of eggshells. If you’re constantly bracing for impact, it’s not romantic; it’s a warning.

2. I Had a Tough Childhood

Cue the violins. Childhood trauma is real, and empathy is important. But there’s a big, blinking difference between working through old wounds and using them as an all-access pass to step on everyone’s toes.

Every time accountability comes knocking, out comes the well-worn story: “You don’t understand what I’ve been through.” Suddenly, you’re cast as the villain for daring to expect respect or kindness.

Here’s the truth: plenty of people have rough beginnings. They don’t all turn into emotional bulldozers.

Feeling for someone’s pain is good. Letting it justify mistreatment? Not so much. Compassion shouldn’t come at the cost of your own emotional well-being.

3. That’s Not What Happened

Welcome to Gaslight Central, population: you. When you bring up something that bothered you—maybe a lie, a broken promise, or words that stung—suddenly you’re told, “That’s not what happened,” or “You’re remembering it wrong.”

This one is a classic. If you’re constantly questioning your own memory, you’re not losing your marbles; you’re being skillfully manipulated. The narcissist’s superpower is rewriting history on the spot, complete with bonus features and deleted scenes.

Next time your reality is denied, try jotting things down for yourself. Even sending an email to your own inbox can help you stay anchored. Memory is not a group project.

4. You’re Too Sensitive

Ah, the old chestnut. Any time you express an emotion that’s less than glowing, the narcissist flips the script: “You’re too sensitive,” or “Can’t you take a joke?”

Spoiler: this is not a compliment. It’s a fast way to make you doubt your perfectly normal reactions.

Over time, you stop voicing your needs altogether, just to avoid being labeled “dramatic.” Meanwhile, the narcissist gets to keep swinging without consequences.

Don’t fall for it. Sensitivity is not a defect. It’s what makes you human (and good at picking up on nonsense, frankly).

5. I Only Did It Because I Love You

If you’ve ever heard, “I wouldn’t be jealous/controlling/intense if I didn’t care so much,” you’ve met excuse number five. Possessiveness is dressed up as devotion, and manipulation gets a sparkly gift bow.

Newsflash: love that makes you feel small, suffocated, or scared isn’t love. It’s control, wearing an “I ♥ You” t-shirt. You do not need to prove your loyalty by tolerating guilt trips, accusations, or emotional surveillance.

Healthy love gives you room to breathe. The only thing that should be smothered in a relationship is a plate of chips in guacamole.

6. Everyone Leaves Me Eventually

Here comes the guilt parade. The narcissist drops hints (or sob stories) about being abandoned, misunderstood, or betrayed by just about everyone. Before you know it, you’re determined to be the exception—the one person who finally stays.

Nothing turns commitment into a competition quite like someone who’s always “the victim.” Suddenly, it’s your job to fix decades of broken relationships, make up for their ex’s alleged crimes, and basically submit your martyr application.

If you’re constantly reassuring, soothing, or tiptoeing, ask yourself: are you actually in a relationship, or are you running a one-person rescue mission?

7. You Make Me Act This Way

And now, the pièce de résistance. When all else fails, the narcissist blames… you. “If you didn’t nag, I wouldn’t get angry. If you weren’t so distant, I wouldn’t need attention elsewhere.”

With this excuse, every bad mood, outburst, or hurtful word lands squarely at your feet. It’s a clever way of making you responsible for their behavior, while they collect sympathy points and avoid all accountability.

Here’s the reality check: adults are in charge of their own choices. Your partner’s actions are not your fault, no matter how many times they try to pin the blame on you.

Boundaries are not optional—especially with someone who’s allergic to responsibility.

Getting Out of the Spin Cycle

Narcissist excuses have a way of making you feel confused, guilty, and exhausted. The longer you stay, the harder it is to figure out what’s real and what’s just another rerun of their greatest hits.

So, what can you do? Start with a sanity inventory.

Pay attention to how often these excuses crop up and how you feel after each one. Are you constantly apologizing? Are your needs always on the back burner?

Trust your gut. Healthy relationships don’t run on guilt, confusion, or emotional whiplash.

Consider talking to a therapist or reaching out to people who have your back—and who don’t require a court jester performance just to be loved.

Your standards are not too high. Your needs are not too much. And your memories are absolutely valid, no matter how many times someone tries to edit them.

Limbo isn’t a relationship status. You deserve more than another round of “Sorry, but…” and “If only you…” There’s a whole world of people out here who won’t keep you stuck in the waiting room of their excuses.

That runway is yours. Time to land.