7 Narcissist’s Behaviors That Cause Anxiety
Ever felt like your nerves are frayed thinner than a cheap phone charger in a toddler’s hands, but can’t quite figure out why? Sharing your life—or even an afternoon—with a narcissist can have that effect.
Their greatest hits go far beyond standard-issue selfishness; these behaviors have a way of making your heart race, palms sweat, and trust issues sprout like weeds in your emotional garden.
Ready to figure out what’s actually going on, and, more importantly, how to keep your sanity intact while you do? Pull up a chair.
Here are seven narcissistic habits that send anxiety soaring, plus ideas to help you breathe easier, starting tonight.
1. Gaslighting Every Conversation
If you’ve ever walked away from a chat convinced you’ve accidentally joined a parallel universe, you’ve likely met a gaslighter.
Narcissists are Olympic-level champions at rewriting history, shifting blame, and making you question your own memory, judgment, and, occasionally, your grip on reality.
You remember exactly what was said, but suddenly you’re being told, “I never said that,” or, “You’re too sensitive.” After a few rounds of this, it’s no wonder your confidence is wobbling.
How to manage? Start keeping a journal—yes, like a teenager with a glitter pen. Write down key conversations, texts, or agreements.
You’re not paranoid; you’re protecting your sanity. When you can check the receipts, you’ll feel less adrift in the narcissist’s Twilight Zone.
2. The Hot-and-Cold Routine
One day, you’re their favorite person, the absolute center of their universe. The next, you’re as invisible as a sock behind the dryer. This whiplash—also known as intermittent reinforcement—turns adult relationships into emotional slot machines.
You never know when the jackpot of affection will hit, making you crave their approval while doubting your every move.
This push-pull routine is anxiety on tap. You find yourself tiptoeing around, reading the wind for shifts in mood, never sure if today you’ll get warmth or an arctic blast.
Try to spot the pattern for what it is: manipulation. Give yourself permission to stop chasing their affection and start noticing how it feels to simply be treated with consistent respect.
3. Ridiculing or Criticizing (Disguised as “Jokes”)
Ever had a partner who could turn family gatherings into stand-up routines at your expense? Narcissists often wield sarcasm and “teasing” as a weapon. The joke is always on you, but apparently, you’re the killjoy for not laughing it off.
Over time, this erodes self-worth like sandpaper on softwood. Friends and family might even join in, not realizing you’re the punchline, not the audience.
Try setting a boundary: “I actually don’t find that funny.” Say it with a smile if you want, or don’t—your comfort comes first. If they get defensive, that’s not your mess to clean up.
4. Controlling Who You Spend Time With
Narcissists love to isolate their partners faster than a dog chases a squirrel. It might start with casual digs about your friends, or guilt trips about “not loving them enough” if you want a night out.
The endgame: You’re left relying on them for social, emotional, and sometimes even financial support.
Cue the anxiety: Your world shrinks, and suddenly, every plan feels like a negotiation.
Rebuild bridges, even if it means sending a sheepish text to an old mate. Start reconnecting with people who actually want you to have a life—without keeping score.
5. Blaming You for Everything
Car broke down? Your fault. Dinner too salty? You guessed it. The universe itself? Clearly, you’re to blame. Narcissists dodge personal responsibility like it’s a pie in the face, making their partner the designated scapegoat for every mishap.
No pressure, right?
This constant blame game leaves you feeling like you’re always one step from disaster. You may start triple-checking everything you do, or develop a chronic “walking on eggshells” shuffle.
Cut down the mind-reading. When blame starts flying, calmly state your version of events and stick to it. Refusing to take on their baggage is self-care at its finest.
6. Withholding Affection as Punishment
Love shouldn’t be conditional, but in the narcissist’s playbook, affection is as transactional as a dodgy used car deal. Mess up (or, more likely, don’t mess up at all) and suddenly texts dry up, cuddles vanish, and you’re left wondering what you did wrong.
The anxiety comes from never knowing what invisible rule you’ve broken or how long you’ll be left in the cold. It’s emotional blackmail in sheep’s clothing.
Reconnect with activities that bring you joy outside the relationship. Don’t let their mood swings dictate your self-esteem or sense of worth.
7. Love Bombing Followed by Sudden Withdrawal
When the narcissist wants something—your attention, forgiveness, or just to reel you back in—they’ll pour on the charm like a first-date perfume sample.
Compliments, gifts, grand gestures: it’s a fireworks show. And then, just as quickly, radio silence.
This cycle is designed to keep you hooked and off-balance, craving the “highs” of affection and dreading the inevitable “lows.”
Recognize that genuine love doesn’t come with a built-in rollercoaster. Healthy relationships might get dull sometimes, but your blood pressure will thank you for the stability.
Taking Back Your Calm
Dealing with these behaviors isn’t a character flaw on your part—it’s a sign you’re a human being with an actual heartbeat. Narcissists thrive on keeping you anxious and emotionally tangled, but you don’t have to play along.
Start with one small boundary tonight. Maybe it’s saying “no” to a guilt trip, or breaking the “joke” cycle. Maybe it’s texting a friend.
Every action you take to protect yourself is another step toward peace, and believe it or not, life really can feel less like a psychological obstacle course.
And if you need to, reach out to a therapist who’ll remind you that, yes, your feelings are valid—even if someone else claims otherwise.
Because the only thing better than surviving these behaviors is thriving in spite of them.
