7 Mind Games Narcissists Play to Keep You Hooked

Picture this: You’re sitting across from someone who could charm the spots off a leopard, but somehow, you’re always left feeling like you’re the one begging for scraps of affection.

If you feel like love is being served one breadcrumb at a time, you might be tangled up with a narcissist. Don’t worry – you’re not alone, and you’re definitely not going mad (even if you’ve been told otherwise).

Ready to spot the mind games that keep so many of us reeled in? Grab your emotional popcorn.

1. The Classic Love Bomb, Then Ghost

One day, you’re the center of their universe. They inundate you with texts, gifts, proclamations of undying devotion. It’s all roses, candlelight, and emojis heartier than your Nana’s lasagna.

Then, poof – radio silence. Suddenly, responses come slower than a dial-up connection in the ‘90s. You’re left wondering if you said something wrong or if you should’ve laughed harder at their joke about their ex.

This emotional whiplash isn’t just a hobby; it’s a deliberate pattern. Once you’re hooked on the high of their affection, they yank it away, leaving you desperate to get back on their good side.

It’s like hitting the jackpot at a dodgy casino – the odds are always stacked against you.

Tonight’s move: If you catch yourself anxiously waiting for crumbs of attention, hit pause. Remind yourself of your worth (bonus points for treating yourself to something that doesn’t leave you questioning your sanity).

2. Gaslighting Galore

Narcissists are the reigning champions of “that never happened.” Misplaced your keys? Somehow, it’s always your fault – or maybe you never had them in the first place.

They’ll question your memory, your feelings, your very grip on reality. Suddenly, you’re apologizing for things you didn’t do, doubting your recollections, and feeling like your brain has more holes than Swiss cheese.

This isn’t absent-mindedness; it’s a mind game intended to keep you off-balance and reliant on their version of events. The less sure you are of your reality, the easier you are to control.

Tonight’s move: Start jotting things down (yes, like an emotional detective). If you’re being told you’re “too sensitive” or “imagining things,” check your notes. Trust your own memory, not the narrative being spun for you.

3. The Guilt Trip Express

Ever felt like you’ve committed a high crime because you wanted an evening to yourself? Welcome to the guilt trip express, where the narcissist is always the victim and you, apparently, are the villain.

Did you want to see your friends? Selfish. Did you forget to text back within ten minutes? Clearly, you don’t care enough. No matter what you do, it won’t be quite right, and they’ll make sure you know it.

This constant guilt keeps you chasing their approval, reshaping your life to avoid their disapproval. Spoiler: It never works.

Tonight’s move: Check in with your conscience instead of their complaints. Is your “crime” really so terrible? Probably not. Stand your ground – guilt has no place in genuine love.

4. Silent Treatment as a Weapon

Nothing says mature communication like suddenly morphing into a Victorian ghost. Narcissists love the silent treatment. It’s not just ignoring you – it’s a calculated withdrawal designed to punish and control.

You ask what’s wrong, and get crickets. The more desperate you get for reconciliation, the more power they feel. Suddenly, their attention becomes the only currency worth anything.

Here’s the trick: This isn’t a time-out or reflection period. It’s manipulation, plain and simple.

Tonight’s move: Resist the urge to grovel for their attention. If someone refuses to communicate, let them stew in their own silence. Your world won’t end because they’re not speaking – though theirs might feel a bit emptier without you.

5. The Backhanded Compliment Routine

“You look amazing in that dress – I never thought you could pull off something like that!” If you’ve heard something similar, congratulations: You’ve been hit with a backhanded compliment.

Narcissists love to keep you off-balance by mixing sugar with a touch of cyanide. On one hand, it’s praise, but on the other, there’s that sting. You end up questioning whether you should feel good or bad.

This little dance keeps self-esteem in their hands. If you feel just insecure enough, you’ll work twice as hard to win their (proper) approval.

Tonight’s move: Tune your radar for these “compliments.” If it makes you cringe or second-guess yourself, it’s not real praise. Only accept validation from people who don’t need to disguise it with a jab.

6. Moving the Goalposts

Ever feel like you finally did everything right, only for the finish line to move? Welcome to the narcissist’s favourite sport: moving the goalposts.

Last week, they wanted you to be more spontaneous. This week, you’re “too unpredictable.” Your efforts to please them end up about as useful as a chocolate teapot.

This isn’t about improvement – it’s about ensuring you’re always striving, never succeeding. If you’re too busy trying to please them, you’ll barely notice how exhausted you are.

Tonight’s move: Refuse to play. Set your own standards for what’s “enough.” Achieving their ever-changing expectations is a Sisyphean task – it’s time to quit rolling that boulder.

7. Playing the Martyr

Narcissists are experts at rewriting history with themselves as the long-suffering hero. Every argument ends with them being the wounded party, no matter what actually happened.

You could apologize for things you never did, just to restore peace. They might recount tearful tales to friends or family, casting you as the villain and themselves as the poor, misunderstood soul.

This technique rallies the sympathy troops, isolates you, and keeps you tiptoeing around conflict to avoid being the “bad guy.”

Tonight’s move: Don’t rush to fix their pain every time. Real partners want understanding, not constant rescue missions. If guilt is the main tool in the shed, step back and let them manage their own feelings for once.

Breaking Free from the Mind Games

Spotting these seven mind games can feel a bit like having the curtain pulled back in Oz – things look a lot less magical. If you’re exhausted from trying to win a rigged game, that’s your cue to stop playing.

Reclaim your time, your energy, and a bit of your old sparkle. The healthiest relationships allow space for messiness, mistakes, and, yes, even the occasional poorly timed meme. They don’t leave you walking on eggshells or doubting your reality.

Real love lifts you up, not just when it’s convenient for your partner, but because that’s what it’s supposed to do. If all you’re getting are mind games, maybe it’s time to change the rules.

Your heart deserves better than cheap party tricks.