When it comes to narcissists, there’s always a plot twist. Just when you think you’ve got the script down, they’re off improvising a whole new act.

If you’ve ever found yourself blinking at your phone after yet another baffling interaction and wondering, “Am I being played?”—the answer may be yes, and you’re in the company of millions.

Narcissists are, if nothing else, creative opportunists. Here’s a lovingly blunt look at the five most common, sneaky ways they’re using you as you read this sentence.

1. Emotional ATM

Ever notice that every conversation revolves around their drama, their childhood, their pet goldfish’s existential crisis? Congratulations, you’re the proud owner of an Emotional ATM card.

The narcissist deposits nothing, but boy, do they make withdrawals. They need endless validation. Praise is their oxygen.

If you try to talk about your own day, you’ll get a blank stare or—worse—a story about how your boss’s microaggressions remind them of that time they almost won the spelling bee (back in 1998).

You’re their therapist, their cheerleader, their applause machine. But when your tank’s empty and you need refueling? Suddenly, they’re on “Do Not Disturb” mode.

Want to flip the script? Start rationing your attention and see how quickly they go searching for another audience. Your time and empathy are gold, not loose change.

2. Social Clout Collector

Ever wondered why you’re always their plus one at work events, parties, or that cousin’s wedding where you barely knew anyone? Hint: it’s not because you’re a wizard at small talk.

Narcissists love to showcase their relationships like new handbags. If you have status, looks, skills, or just a really banging Instagram following, you’re their ticket to looking more impressive by association.

Suddenly, you’re being paraded around, introduced as “the genius” or “the one who knows everybody.” When you’re no longer useful for boosting their image?

Expect to get parked quietly in the corner—or dropped entirely for the next shiny new friend.

Noticing the pattern? Ask yourself: Do I feel like a partner, or an accessory? Your social worth shouldn’t be measured by how many likes it gets them.

3. The Favour Factory

If you’re the person who picks up their dry cleaning, rewrites their CV, and always “just happens” to lend them money till payday, you’ve officially been promoted to the Favour Factory floor manager.

Narcissists have a sixth sense for sniffing out generous types who will go above and beyond, all under the guise of “helping out.”

And when you need a hand? Suddenly, they’re busier than the Prime Minister during a scandal.

They’ll promise a payback that never arrives, or—my personal favourite—they’ll recount that one time they did you a tiny favour in 2013 as if it wipes the slate clean forever.

Break the cycle by learning the magical power of “No.” Watch as they react like you just unplugged their life support.

4. Scapegoat Stand-In

When things go wrong, guess who’s getting the blame? Hint: It’s not the narcissist. If there’s a mistake to be owned, they’ll serve up your name on a silver platter before you can finish your cup of tea.

From missed deadlines to that burned lasagne, you’ll find yourself apologising for things you had nothing to do with.

It’s a classic power move: by shifting blame, they keep their image squeaky clean while you’re left holding the bag. Over time, it chips away at your confidence and leaves you second-guessing your every move.

Time to start calling out the nonsense—with receipts if you have them. A simple, “I don’t recall agreeing to that” or “That wasn’t my responsibility” works wonders. Watch the panic flicker behind their eyes.

Accountability is the one thing they can’t bear.

5. Gaslight Guru

Ever walked away from a conversation feeling like you’ve just stepped out of a funhouse mirror maze?

Narcissists wield gaslighting like a Jedi lightsaber—warping reality, denying things they said five minutes ago, and convincing you that you’re “too sensitive” or “overreacting.”

If you feel perpetually confused, exhausted, or apologising for things you don’t even remember doing? You’re in the presence of a gaslight guru.

This isn’t just annoying—it’s psychological warfare. Over time, you might start doubting your own memory and instincts. That’s not an accident; that’s the plan.

The antidote? Write things down. Keep a journal, screenshot texts, and check in with trusted friends about what’s actually happening.

A narcissist’s favourite snack is a foggy memory—don’t let them feast.

Reclaim the Remote

Spotting these moves is half the battle. It’s not about outsmarting a narcissist—they’ve made a sport of it, after all—but about reclaiming your own reality.

Next time you catch yourself being siphoned for sympathy, paraded for clout, or blamed for the weather, pause. Ask yourself whose needs are really being served.

Draw your boundaries like you mean them and remember: you’re nobody’s emotional vending machine. If they start to lose interest when the supply dries up, that’s not your loss—it’s your liberation.

Here’s to less drama and more peace in your relationships, starting tonight.