5 Narcissist Tricks to Pull You Back In
Ever tried escaping a narcissist’s orbit, only to find yourself yanked back like a moth to a particularly judgmental flame? You’re not alone.
For those who’ve loved, lived with, or simply survived a narcissist, the moment you start pulling away can feel like the starting pistol in an Olympic-level manipulation relay.
Let’s break down how these masters of emotional sleight-of-hand reel you back in with a toolkit that would make even Houdini jealous.
1. Love Bombing with a Twist
Suddenly, your narcissist ex (or the narcissist you’re desperately trying to avoid) transforms into the partner of your teenage rom-com dreams.
Thoughtful texts at 7 a.m. “just because.” Flowers delivered to your work. That playlist they “made for you.” Even your mum gets a carefully crafted apology email.
This isn’t just garden-variety love bombing. The narcissist’s twist? Everything is highly tailored: they repeat your favorite inside jokes, bring up memories from your “happiest” times together, and shower you with the very affection you begged for during the relationship.
The subtext? “See, I can be everything you ever wanted. Shame you didn’t stick around longer.”
It’s equal parts flattering and deeply unsettling. That surge of attention can make you question your sanity. “Maybe I was too hard on them. No one else has ever understood me like this.” Classic trap.
The narcissist’s affection is as sustainable as a chocolate teapot. As soon as you’re hooked, the old patterns return.
Tonight’s actionable advice: If you feel swept off your feet, stop and ask yourself: is this new, or is it just the greatest hits album on repeat? Write down what actually changed—besides the sudden avalanche of affection.
2. Playing the Ultimate Victim
When Plan A fails (and your phone remains suspiciously flower-free), narcissists hit the emotional panic button. Suddenly, you’ll find yourself starring in their personal tragedy documentary.
Tearful texts about how they’ve never been so lost. Social media posts heavy on cryptic quotes. Maybe even a mutual friend lets you know your ex has “never been the same.”
Cue the guilt. Because, for a moment, you see the sad puppy they want you to see, and not the person who spent years gaslighting you about your “sensitivity.”
The narcissist’s pain becomes your emergency. If you don’t answer, who will? If you don’t help, are you just as heartless as they once accused you of being?
This is emotional blackmail in a velvet glove. Your compassion is weaponized until you’re back in the cycle—playing therapist, fixer, or the only one who “gets” them.
Tonight’s actionable advice: Set a boundary, even if it feels brutal. It’s not your job to be their emotional ambulance driver. Repeat after me: “Your feelings are yours to manage.”
3. The Apology That Isn’t
Some narcissists have mastered the non-apology apology, that time-honoured art of saying sorry without taking a shred of responsibility.
Phrases like, “I’m sorry you felt hurt,” or, “If I did anything wrong, I’m sorry.” Bonus points if they toss in a few tears while staring meaningfully into your eyes.
The point isn’t to make amends; it’s to silence you. These apologies are a Trojan horse: they get past your defenses and then smuggle in guilt and obligation.
If you keep pushing, they’ll pivot to “After all I’ve done to make this right, you’re still mad?”
Suddenly, you’re the one feeling like a heel for not accepting their “change.” If you do cave, don’t expect actual accountability to follow. The only thing likely to return is your sense of déjà vu.
Tonight’s actionable advice: Write down their apology. Does it actually name what happened, or does it put the blame (subtly, always subtly) on you?
An apology without ownership is just another manipulation tool.
4. Pulling Out the Nostalgia Machine
Nothing yanks at the heartstrings quite like a highlight reel of the “good times.” Narcissists are Olympic-level memory curators.
They’ll send photos from your anniversary dinner, quote the song from your first dance, or mention the time you both laughed so hard you nearly snorted wine out your nose.
And, just like that, you’re transported to a time when things weren’t awful. Maybe—just maybe—you really did throw away something special?
The “nostalgia machine” is designed to edit out all the arguments, silent treatments, and self-esteem erosion. All that’s left is the greatest hits, peppered with just enough longing to make you question reality.
Never mind that those “good times” were probably followed by a week of emotional cold shoulder.
Tonight’s actionable advice: Make your own highlight reel. But this time, include the lows. For every sweet memory, jot down a not-so-sweet one. Your brain will fight it, but your heart will thank you.
5. Enlisting Flying Monkeys
Narcissists rarely fly solo. When all else fails, they rally the troops: friends, mutual acquaintances, even your own relatives.
Suddenly, you’re getting texts from people you haven’t heard from since 2017, asking if you’re “doing okay” and maybe, just maybe, you should give your ex another chance.
These “flying monkeys” may mean well, but they’re unwittingly carrying the narcissist’s water. Their mission? To convince you that you’re overreacting, “misunderstood” the narcissist, or are simply too stubborn to forgive.
It’s peer pressure, but with a PhD in guilt-tripping.
The narcissist gets to play the misunderstood hero, while you’re cast as the villain who “won’t let go of the past.” It’s a masterclass in optics.
Tonight’s actionable advice: Rehearse a simple script for these conversations. “Thanks, but this is between me and them.” Rinse and repeat. If someone keeps pushing, consider why they’re so invested in your reconciliation.
Keeping Your Sanity (and Sense of Humour) Intact
Spotting these tricks is like learning to see the strings in a magic show. Once you notice the sleight of hand, those old spells lose their power.
There’s no shame in getting pulled back once, twice, or even a dozen times—narcissists are experts for a reason.
The real magic happens when you trust your gut, stand firm on your boundaries, and remember you deserve the kind of love that doesn’t require decoding.
Just imagine the peace and quiet, with your phone finally free of late-night, “I just miss us” texts. Now that’s a trick worth learning.
