5 Narcissist’s Lies About Their ‘Just Friends’
When a narcissist insists “We’re just friends, babe,” a chill runs down the backs of the emotionally seasoned. Anyone who’s tangled with a narcissist knows that their friendships come with more fine print than a dodgy mobile contract.
If you’ve ever wondered why your partner’s “friend” seems welded to their side, or why dinner for two is suddenly a three-person affair (with you as the awkward third wheel), welcome.
Pour yourself a cuppa. Let’s unpack five of the most common whoppers narcissists tell about their “just friends”—and how to spot the warning signs before you’re gaslit into thinking you’re the jealous one.
1. Their ‘Friend’ Is Like a Sibling
Narcissists love to play the “It’s basically family!” card. That woman they text at midnight? “She’s like my sister!” That bloke they see every week? “He’s basically my brother!”
If only family trees grew this fast.
Here’s the trick: These relationships rarely resemble anything you’d see in a healthy, boundary-respecting family.
Frequent late-night calls, inside jokes you’re never included in, and whispered conversations are all shrugged off as totally normal between “siblings.” Try raising an eyebrow, and you’ll be accused of being “possessive” or “insecure.” Classic.
Real siblings don’t need to hide messages or delete chats. They don’t send selfies from hotel rooms. If you’re being told a friendship is pure kinship but it smells more like an episode of Love Island, trust your gut.
Actual family ties don’t require this much defense.
2. They Don’t Even Find Their ‘Friend’ Attractive
A narcissist will swear up and down that their “friend” isn’t their type. “Please, I’d never go for someone like them,” they’ll scoff, with just enough disdain to make you doubt your own concerns.
Here’s a little secret: Attraction isn’t always about looks, and narcissists know this. They use the “not my type” smokescreen to make you feel silly for even questioning their intentions.
Meanwhile, the friend in question is getting more attention than a puppy at a barbecue.
Pay attention to the energy invested. Constant texting, emotional check-ins, or subtle flirting don’t require a Hollywood crush. If the connection seems charged, it doesn’t matter what they claim in words—the actions are what count.
3. You’re Too Controlling for Questioning the Friendship
“Nobody else would care this much. Why are you so controlling?” Ah, the old blame shift. Narcissists are Olympic-level projectionists, and nothing gets them off the hook faster than making you feel like the bad guy.
Question their “friendship,” and suddenly you’re the one with issues. This tactic works because most caring partners don’t want to be seen as overbearing or paranoid.
The narcissist counts on this, weaponizing your empathy so they can keep their “friend” close—no questions asked.
It’s not controlling to want transparency and boundaries. If your partner turns every concern into an attack on your character, it’s time to ask why honesty is such a tall order.
Spoiler: It shouldn’t be.
4. All Their Friends Are This Close
When all else fails, narcissists deploy the “I’m just a really friendly person!” defense. Every relationship is painted as intense, all-consuming, and just a tad exclusive. “I treat all my mates like this. Nothing weird about it!”
Sure, some folks are naturally chummy. But if your partner’s friendships regularly involve secret meetups, emotional confidences that cross the line, or shared memories you’re never a part of, something’s fishy.
Notice whether you’re the only one left out of the loop.
If your partner’s “friend” knows intimate details that even you don’t, or if they always seem to be available when you’re not, ask yourself: Is this really just how all friendships work, or are you being fed a tall tale?
5. You’re Just Jealous and Insecure
This is the narcissist’s pièce de résistance. When all other lies fail, out comes the trusty “You’re just jealous!” accusation.
Suddenly, it’s not about their “friend’s” constant presence or the suspiciously secretive texts—it’s about your alleged lack of confidence.
Jealousy is a normal (if not exactly fun) emotion. Narcissists exploit it by making you feel ashamed for having perfectly reasonable boundaries. The more you protest, the more you’re painted as the unhinged one.
Before you start apologizing for your own common sense, consider whether your partner would tolerate the same “friendship” dynamic if the roles were reversed. Nine times out of ten, the answer is a resounding “Not bloody likely.”
What to Do When Narcissist ‘Friendships’ Get Dodgy
Recognizing these lies is a sanity-saver, but what comes next?
Draw boundaries and stick to them—even if it means a bit of drama. Ask questions, calmly and directly. “I’m uncomfortable with the amount of time you spend with X.
Can we talk about what feels respectful to both of us?” Watch for defensiveness, deflection, or guilt trips. Those are not the responses of someone who values your feelings.
If your partner continues to dismiss your concerns, consider what you’re really getting out of the relationship. Love should feel safe, not like a never-ending episode of Big Brother.
Self-care isn’t selfish. Sometimes the bravest thing you can do is step back and see if your partner is capable of honest, respectful relationships.
If not, it might be time to find someone who understands that “just friends” isn’t supposed to mean “just one giant red flag.”
No need to grab the popcorn—real life is messy enough without all the drama.
When ‘Just Friends’ Isn’t So Innocent
Spotting these narcissist lies isn’t about becoming the relationship police or snooping through phones. It’s about trusting your instincts, valuing your feelings, and demanding the same respect you give.
If “just friends” feels like code for something else, you’re not crazy, needy, or jealous—you’re probably just wise to the game.
Here’s to fewer lies, healthier boundaries, and friendships that actually look like friendship—not a second audition for The Bachelor.
