5 Narcissist’s Hoovering Tricks to Reel You Back In

Escaping a narcissist’s orbit can feel like finally getting out of a rickety old carnival ride you never agreed to board in the first place.

But just when you’re catching your breath and remembering what peace tastes like, boom—they’re back with all the subtlety of a peacock at a funeral.

If you’ve ever wondered why your ex suddenly pops up with a text about your dog’s birthday or uses your aunt’s bunion surgery as an excuse to “check in,” you’ve witnessed the art of hoovering. Narcissists mastered it long before vacuum cleaners gave it a name.

Below are five of the most common hoovering tricks narcissists deploy to suck you back in, plus some battle-tested strategies to dodge them and keep your sanity (and phone) intact.

1. The Apology So Grand It Deserves an Orchestra

Here comes the apology text: three paragraphs, multiple emojis, and the kind of poetic regret that would make Shakespeare roll his eyes. A narcissist’s apology is never just, “Sorry I was a jerk.” No, this one’s Oscar-worthy.

They’ll wax lyrical about their self-reflection, therapy breakthroughs, and how only you make them want to be a better person.

Here’s the thing: real change is a marathon, not a sprint of sentimental paragraphs. If you’ve heard this song and dance before, it’s because it works—at least for a minute.

Emotional manipulation at its finest.

When confronted with an apology on steroids, pause. Give yourself time. If your gut is rolling its metaphorical eyes, do the same.

Ask yourself: Have their actions actually changed, or do they just talk a big game when they want something? Hint: If you have to ask, you already know.

2. The Sudden “Emergency” That Needs Only Your Help

Narcissists believe in the universal law of Main Character Energy. If they stub a toe, the world should rally. But the level of crisis conveniently spikes just when you start living happily ever after—without them.

Maybe it’s a vague health scare (“I might have mono—again”), a work disaster, or their goldfish is acting “weird.” Before you know it, you’re sucked back into fixing mode, exactly where they want you.

Resist the urge to leap into action. This isn’t your circus, and it’s definitely not your monkey. Offer a polite but detached response—“That sounds tough. Hope it works out for you.”

Then get back to alphabetizing your spice rack or rewatching that series you actually like.

3. The Nostalgia Trip Down Memory Lane

Did you know narcissists have a photographic memory for every sweet or steamy moment you ever shared?

Neither did you, until the midnight text: “Remember that amazing pizza place we found in the rain?” Or, “Saw our song on TikTok. Made me think of you.”

It’s a classic hoovering move—reminding you of the good times, conveniently forgetting the bad times (like when they blocked your number or insulted your haircut).

Suddenly, you’re not thinking about the manipulation and drama; you’re thinking about that one time you both laughed so hard you snorted wine out your nose.

Nostalgia is a tricky beast, but it’s not a time machine. If you catch yourself falling for the “greatest hits” montage in your head, stop.

Make a list of the moments that made you want to escape. There’s a reason you left, and it probably wasn’t the pizza.

4. The Sudden Transformation Into Your Dream Partner

Who is this person on Instagram? They’re volunteering? Meditating at sunrise? Buying books instead of, you know, tearing your self-esteem to shreds?

The narcissist rebrands themselves faster than a streaming service losing subscribers.

They want you to see them thriving, glowing, transformed—with just enough hints that they owe it all to your influence.

Expect messages about personal growth, new habits (“I finally started therapy, just like you suggested!”), and photos with mutual friends (for that extra “look what you’re missing” sting).

Before you buy a ticket to this redemption arc, check your skepticism. True growth takes time and consistency, not a flurry of curated selfies.

If the “new them” comes with an invitation to reconnect, proceed with the caution you’d reserve for gas station sushi.

5. The Victim Card Played With Academy Award Flair

Suddenly, the world’s been cruel, and they’re alone in their suffering. You, yes you, were the only one who ever understood them. Cue the tragic monologue: “No one else ever got me the way you did. I messed up. I’m lost without you.”

This one tugs at heartstrings like a toddler in a lolly shop. If you’re a natural empath or fixer, it’s especially hard not to rush in with a metaphorical fire blanket.

But remember: this vulnerability often vanishes the moment you put your armor down.

Compassion is lovely. Re-entering a cycle of blame, manipulation, and one-sided sob stories? Less so.

If you want to help, point them toward professional support, not back into your life. “I hope you find the support you need” works wonders—and doesn’t come with a side of emotional whiplash.

Swerving the Suck: How to Dodge the Hoover

Spotting these hoover moves is Step One. Avoiding them takes resolve and a dash of cheek. Here’s how to keep your boundaries stickier than a summer seatbelt:

• Block, mute, restrict—whatever works. Technology’s on your side.
• Resist the urge to “just check in.” Curiosity is not your friend here.
• Keep a list of reasons you left. Read it whenever nostalgia strikes.
• Rally your mates. A good friend can spot hoovering a mile off—and talk you down from replying at 2am.
• Treat manipulative messages like junk mail. No reply needed. Straight to the bin.

Your Peace Is Worth Protecting

Here’s the kicker: narcissists hoover because it works. Not because there’s been a revolution in their hearts, but because they miss the supply only you could provide.

Your peace, sanity, and emotional safety aren’t up for negotiation.

Resist the urge to get back on the carnival ride. Life outside the narcissist’s funhouse mirrors is quieter, yes—but it’s also a whole lot more real.

Hang on to that. Because you’re not a vacuum, and you definitely weren’t put on this earth to get sucked back in.