20 Funny Things to Say to a Narcissist And Bruise Their Ego
Narcissists: those majestic creatures for whom the universe revolves around their every utterance, hair strand, and Instagram story.
Attempting to have a normal conversation can feel like talking to a mirror that answers back, but only about itself.
If you’re stuck dealing with a narcissist—at work, at home, or (heaven help you) on family holidays—a little humor can go a long way.
Here are 20 funny things to say when you want to poke that overinflated ego without starting World War III at the dinner table.
1. The World Called—It Wants Its Center Back
Sometimes, one-liners work best when they’re just subtle enough. The next time the narcissist launches into their usual monologue about how the planets clearly align for their convenience, drop this one.
It’s both a gentle nudge and a reminder that, shockingly, gravity works the same for everyone.
2. Did You Hurt Yourself Falling from That Pedestal?
There’s nothing quite like classic wordplay. This little zinger has just enough sarcasm that it flies right over their head, but your friends will love you for it.
It’s not every day someone compares themselves to a Greek statue—unless you know a narcissist, in which case, it’s Tuesday.
3. Tell Me More About Your Humility
This one’s a personal favorite. Narcissists love being told how humble they are, which is why this statement is the rhetorical equivalent of a banana peel on a marble floor.
Just be careful—some might actually take you seriously and launch into a TED Talk about how modest they are. (You’ve been warned.)
4. Your Mirror Must Be Exhausted
If there’s one thing a narcissist loves more than their own reflection, it’s talking about their own reflection. Pointing out that their poor mirror is working overtime is a subtle jab at their need for constant admiration.
Bonus points if you say it in front of their favorite selfie spot.
5. Is There a Support Group for People Who Have to Listen to You?
The best jokes are the ones with a kernel of truth. Listening to narcissistic rants can feel like a full-time job, so why not ask if there’s a union?
Maybe next time they start explaining how difficult it is being so amazing, you can suggest forming a club—with very, very short meetings.
6. Sorry, I Was Distracted by Your Ego
Sometimes, you just have to state the obvious. When their self-love is practically blinding, let them know. This one’s perfect for when they interrupt you for the hundredth time or start taking credit for inventing sliced bread.
7. If Only You Loved Anyone Else As Much As You Love Yourself
This one packs some punch but still leaves room for plausible deniability. After all, you’re just making an observation!
Encourage them to spread all that love around—maybe to the dog, or the pot plant they keep forgetting to water.
8. Do You Ever Get Tired of Being Right?
Narcissists have a superpower: they’re never, ever wrong. Ask this question with a straight face and watch as their confusion sets in. Tired? Of being right?
That would be like suggesting they try being humble. Outrageous.
9. I’d Agree With You, But Then We’d Both Be Wrong
An oldie but a goodie, this line delivers just enough playful sass to let them know you’re not buying what they’re selling. It’s snappy, it’s witty, and it’s almost guaranteed to make everyone else in the room snort into their coffee.
10. How Do You Fit That Massive Ego Into Such a Small Room?
Spatial awareness isn’t usually on a narcissist’s radar. Pointing out that their ego needs its own zip code is both cheeky and strangely accurate.
Use this one at parties, meetings, or basically any time they start waxing poetic about their greatness.
11. Did You Major in Talking About Yourself?
Imagine a university where the curriculum is just “Me, Myself, and I: Advanced Studies.” Ask this one after the tenth story about how they singlehandedly saved the world (and possibly invented coffee).
If they answer “yes,” it’s time to excuse yourself.
12. If Bragging Were an Olympic Sport, You’d Have More Medals Than Michael Phelps
Narcissists love being compared to champions—just not for bragging. This statement lets them know they’re gold-medal material, but maybe not in the event they hoped for.
And no, there’s no podium for “Most Self-Congratulatory Speech.”
13. Have You Ever Considered Running for President of Your Fan Club?
Every narcissist is their own number one fan. Suggesting they make it official with a fan club is just the right blend of snark and truth.
Watch for the lightbulb moment as they briefly consider the idea.
14. I’m Sorry, I Don’t Speak Self-Obsession Fluently
Communicating with a narcissist can sometimes feel like you need a translator. Let them know you might need subtitles, or at least a break, when their self-glorification reaches peak levels. (If only Duolingo offered a course.)
15. When You Want My Opinion, I’ll Be Over Here, Not Being You
For the narcissist who always assumes your thoughts are, naturally, a carbon copy of theirs, this can be a helpful reminder that individual opinions exist. Shocking, I know.
16. Is There a Refund Policy for All This Unsolicited Advice?
Advice from a narcissist is like glitter—you never asked for it, and it’s impossible to get rid of.
A gentle poke about their “generosity” in sharing life wisdom might just make them think twice before launching into monologue number 45.
17. Don’t Worry, One Day You’ll Find Someone Who Loves You Almost as Much as You Do
Romantic narcissists, beware. This closing line to a relationship pep talk slips in a giggle-worthy truth about their one true love—themselves.
Suggesting there’s a soulmate out there who could compete? Scandalous.
18. Your Modesty Is Only Outshined by Your Self-Awareness
Double whammy. Narcissists usually think they’re the most self-aware people in the world—right after being the most humble.
Drop this gem when they’re patting themselves on the back for “volunteering” at something (read: taking selfies at a charity event).
19. I’d Say You’re the Main Character, But Even Netflix Wouldn’t Greenlight That Script
Everyone’s the star of their own show, but some folks take it a little too literally.
If the narcissist thinks their life is binge-worthy, this is the perfect reality check—served with a side of sarcasm so sharp it could slice bread.
20. I’m Trying to Cut Down on Ego Intake
Diet trends come and go, but a healthy dose of distance from someone’s ego? That never goes out of style. Announce your new regime the next time their self-worship gets too much.
Who knows—maybe they’ll take the hint (but don’t hold your breath).
Dealing With the Fallout (Or Dodging It Like a Pro)
Deploying these lines isn’t about being cruel—it’s about reclaiming a little sanity in the presence of the chronically self-obsessed.
A well-timed joke can set boundaries, lighten the atmosphere, or just help you survive another round of “Did I tell you about the time I…”
Pick your battles and read the room. Some narcissists will laugh because they genuinely don’t get it. Others might see through the humor and actually pause for a second—progress, people!
But always have an escape plan ready. Just in case.
Humor is a tool, not a weapon. Use it to carve out space for yourself, keep things light, and maybe, just maybe, remind the narcissist that there are other people in the room.
At the very least, you’ll have some new material for your group chat.
And if you ever need more ideas, just ask a narcissist—they’ll probably have plenty of suggestions for you.
