10 Ways Narcissists Project Insecurities

Ever find yourself covered in emotional splatter from someone else’s outburst and wonder, “Wait, how did their problem become my problem?”

Welcome to the wild, wobbly world of narcissistic projection—a greatest hits album where their insecurities feature you as guest vocalist.

Pull up a chair (preferably one with a headrest), and let’s untangle the ten most acrobatic ways narcissists offload their self-doubt onto everyone else. Spotting the patterns is the first step to dodging the emotional boomerang.

1. Accusing Others of Being Jealous

If you’ve ever caught a narcissist mid-eye-roll as they inform you that your supposed jealousy is causing problems, congratulations. You’ve just witnessed textbook projection.

Narcissists run on envy like toddlers run on sugar. If they sense a hint of competition, they’ll accuse you of being jealous—even if you couldn’t care less about their new shoes, promotion, or “amazing” vacation selfies.

It’s classic: by pinning their own green-eyed monster on you, they get to pretend their confidence is bulletproof.

2. Labeling Others as “Attention-Seekers”

Narcissists need validation like plants need sunlight, but don’t you dare try to soak up even a stray ray yourself.

When someone else gets a compliment, tells a story, or (heaven forbid) gets noticed at work, cue the narcissist’s accusation: “You just want attention.” Meanwhile, their own gallery of humblebrags could fill a museum.

If you’re getting called out for “attention-seeking,” it’s probably because you’re standing in someone else’s spotlight.

3. Blaming Others for Being Selfish

Ever been told you’re selfish for not dropping everything to cater to their needs? Welcome to projection on turbo mode.

Narcissists are experts at putting their priorities first, but will act aghast if you ever suggest your own needs matter. Suddenly, you’re the one being inconsiderate, even though you only asked for the last slice of pizza.

It’s their way of outsourcing guilt—if you’re selfish, they’re off the hook.

4. Accusing Others of Manipulation

There’s nothing quite as dizzying as being told you’re the manipulator—by someone who’s rewriting history as you speak.

If you try to set boundaries, ask for honesty, or just express your own opinion, a narcissist may accuse you of “twisting things” or “trying to control” them.

It’s just their way of dodging accountability, and it distracts from the fact that gaslighting is basically their cardio.

5. Criticizing Others for Being “Too Sensitive”

When their words sting (as they often do), narcissists pull out this old chestnut: “You’re too sensitive.”

Translation: “I don’t want to deal with your feelings because then I might have to look at my behavior.” By painting you as “overly emotional,” they can keep the focus on your reactions, not their actions. Handy, isn’t it?

6. Calling Others Insecure

Irony, meet projection.

Whenever a narcissist feels threatened—say, you got a promotion or you’re getting attention they crave—they might accuse you of being insecure.

It’s a subtle way to undermine your confidence while pretending they’re the embodiment of self-assurance.

This one’s extra sneaky because it can make you question your own worth, all while propping up their fragile ego.

7. Claiming Others Are Lying

Narcissists treat honesty like an optional upgrade.

If you try to call them out or clarify a story that doesn’t add up, they might accuse you of lying or “distorting the truth.” This keeps you on the defensive while casting them as the martyr.

Bonus points if they pull the “everyone knows you’re a liar” move—they love to recruit a (usually imaginary) audience.

8. Complaining About Others Being Controlling

Pot, meet kettle.

If you make plans without consulting them, want to decide what to watch on Netflix, or simply don’t jump when they snap their fingers, suddenly you’re “controlling.”

This is often a smokescreen to keep you second-guessing your own agency, and it helps them dodge responsibility for their own need to micromanage people and situations.

9. Accusing Others of Being Dramatic

A narcissist can ignite a five-alarm fire and then act shocked when you react to the smoke.

If you dare to raise your voice, cry, or show frustration, you’ll probably hear, “Why are you so dramatic?” Meanwhile, their own emotional swings could rival a soap opera.

By labeling your response as melodrama, they keep the spotlight off their own chaos.

10. Projecting Their Fears of Abandonment

Here’s where things get especially convoluted.

Narcissists often have deep fears of abandonment, but instead of handling them like, say, an adult, they’ll accuse you of being clingy, needy, or “smothering.”

If you express a desire for more closeness or address issues in the relationship, somehow you’re the one who can’t let go—even though they’re the ones constructing elaborate tests of your loyalty.

Spotting the Signs and Protecting Your Sanity

Recognizing these patterns isn’t about winning some relationship chess match. It’s about keeping your sense of self intact when someone’s tossing their insecurities like emotional hot potatoes.

If you spot these projections, take a beat. Remind yourself that their accusations say more about them than about you. Boundaries are your friend—set them early, often, and with conviction.

And if you’re feeling especially charitable, imagine their inner child just wants a hug…and maybe a long, long nap.

Kindness doesn’t mean rolling over. Sometimes, it’s simply about refusing to pick up what isn’t yours to carry.

Here’s to keeping your emotional dry-cleaning bill to a minimum.