10 Warning Signs Your ‘Soulmate’ is Actually a Narcissist

Cupid’s arrow really does have a sense of humor.

Just when you think you’ve finally met your soulmate, the person who’ll binge-watch true crime with you and actually pretend to care about your work stories—suddenly, they start acting suspiciously like the antagonist in said true crime series.

If your “one true love” is giving you the sense that you might be dating more of a self-obsessed Bond villain than a Hallmark movie lead, you might have a narcissist on your hands.

No need to panic-text your group chat yet. Spotting narcissism isn’t always about selfies and “me time” (if only it were that easy). There are some dead giveaways, though.

Buckle up—here are the signs to watch for, and a little advice for each, just in case you recognize the plot twists.

1. Love Bombs Away

At first, it’s all fireworks and fairy dust. You’re showered with compliments, gifts, and grand gestures that make your exes look like skinflints.

This “love bombing” can feel intoxicating—until it leaves you lightheaded from emotional whiplash.

Narcissists are masters at turning on the charm to 11, but it’s less about love and more about control. If it feels like you’ve stepped straight into a rom-com montage… and it’s only been two weeks, brace yourself.

Take a step back when the affection feels overwhelming. True connection grows in the slow cooker, not the microwave.

2. Mirror, Mirror, Everywhere

Conversations seem to orbit around them, their dreams, their bad day at work, their childhood trauma, their taste in cereal. Ask how your day was and watch them expertly redirect the topic—right back to themselves.

This isn’t your basic self-involvement. Narcissists have a PhD in making everything about them. If you’re beginning to feel like a prop in your own relationship story, it’s time to ask why.

Try gently shifting conversation back to your interests. If the result resembles a toddler denied a biscuit, take note.

3. Walking on Eggshells

Ever feel hyperaware of their mood swings, like you’re auditioning for the role of “Best Supporting Partner” just to keep the peace? Narcissists thrive on keeping everyone just a little off-balance.

Your opinions might prompt eye-rolls, sighs, or even subtle put-downs. You might even find yourself apologizing for things you didn’t do, just to avoid drama.

If your relationship feels more like a hostage negotiation, that’s a sign.

Pause and ask yourself who’s doing the heavy lifting emotionally. A soulmate should make you feel safe, not like you’re in a minefield.

4. The Magical Disappearing Act

Ever notice how they’re missing in action when you need support, but expect a standing ovation when they stub a toe? For narcissists, emotional reciprocity is as mythical as unicorns.

Whether it’s a tough week at work or an actual crisis, your needs are met with a shrug—or worse, exasperation at your “drama.”

Try voicing your needs clearly, and watch what happens. If empathy is still missing, don’t gaslight yourself. You’re not asking for the moon—just basic human decency.

5. The Gaslight Special

Suddenly, everything is your fault: their bad mood, your ruined weekend, the weather, global inflation. Narcissists have a black belt in mental gymnastics, and they’ll twist reality until you’re questioning your own memory.

They might deny something you know they said. Or insist you’re being “too sensitive” after a put-down.

This is classic gaslighting, and it chips away at your self-confidence like a woodpecker with a double espresso.

Start keeping a journal. It’s not petty—it’s proof. When reality gets fuzzy, written records are your friend.

6. All About Appearances

Their social media presence is curated to perfection, their IRL persona equally glossy. Narcissists care a lot about looking like the perfect partner—at least in the group chat or during brunch with your parents.

Behind closed doors, though, they may be dismissive, cold, or downright mean. If you feel pressure to keep up appearances and sweep problems under the rug, ask who benefits from the charade.

Try being honest about relationship struggles with someone you trust. If your partner loses their cool or tries to silence you, it’s not just about image—it’s about control.

7. The Jealousy Jigsaw

It starts small. Maybe they mock your best mate or want a play-by-play of your lunch with a co-worker. Next thing you know, you’re scheduling your whole life around their insecurities.

A narcissist’s jealousy isn’t about love—it’s about possession and keeping you in their orbit. If you feel like you need permission to have a social life, it’s time to ask why.

Boundaries aren’t just for toddlers and terriers. Try making plans without their input. The response will be very telling.

8. The Critique Olympics

Nothing you do is quite right, is it? From the way you load the dishwasher to your career choices, everything is up for critique.

Narcissists love to “help” their partners improve, as long as improvement means “becoming more like them.”

If you start feeling like you can’t win, even at things you used to love, this isn’t healthy partnership—it’s sabotage by a thousand paper cuts.

Celebrate your quirks and victories. If your partner can’t, it speaks volumes.

9. The Take, Take, Take Tango

Maybe you’re always the one calling, planning dates, picking up the pieces after their messes. Relationships are a two-way street, but narcissists treat them like a one-way toll road—cash only.

If you find yourself drained, resentful, and wondering when your needs will matter, ask yourself who’s actually showing up for whom.

Communicate your needs clearly, without apology. Watch if they step up—or just step away.

10. Houdini When Confronted

Whenever you raise concerns, prepare for a disappearing act worth of Britain’s Got Talent. Narcissists avoid real accountability like it’s a contagious disease.

Expect a range of magic tricks: deflection (“You’re too sensitive”), grand exits, or an Oscar-worthy silent treatment. Anything to avoid taking responsibility.

Keep your cool and avoid getting drawn into their theatrics. Sometimes the best reaction is no reaction at all.

When “Soulmate” Starts to Sound Suspicious

Love is blind, but it doesn’t have to be daft. If you’re ticking off several of these boxes, it’s okay to question whether you’re with a “soulmate” or just someone who loves themselves a bit too much.

True soulmates aren’t perfect, but they are kind, consistent, and genuinely invested in your happiness. If your relationship feels more like a masterclass in emotional gymnastics than a partnership, trust your gut.

Don’t ignore those nagging doubts or explain away red flags with, “But we have such a connection!” Narcissists are experts at forging intense bonds—until you see behind the mask.

You deserve more than a starring role in someone else’s self-love affair. You deserve a partner who roots for you, not just themselves.

And if your “soulmate” is more interested in loving their own reflection than loving you, well—there’s always room on the couch for one more during true crime night.

This time, you get the popcorn.